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04/21/2009 02:20 PM

When They Lie to everyone doctors included

CharlieD
CharlieD  
Posts: 30
Member

I am fairly new so my apologies is this is covered elsewhere. What can be done, if anything, when they not only spend their times telling us lies but they lie to their primary care physician, lie to their psychiatrist and counselors?

My husband won't tell anything even remotely close to what the truth is EVER. He now is denying he has BP and our PCP is going to send him for testing again next month. But with BP testing being based on what the person says, how do they know?

Thanks for any and all input - this is such a great place.

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04/21/2009 03:12 PM
michi24
Posts: 14
Member

I'm concerned about this too!

My father has bipolar disorder and he lies about a lot of things. I recently received a prestigous graduate study grant to teach and study abroad but my father doesn't want me to go (even though I've studied abroad before). He believes it's a waste of time and has nothing to do with my major (my major was International Studies and any program that not only takes me abroad but is also sponsered by the Department of State will help me tremedously.) He even lied to one of my professors saying that I don't deserve the grant because I don't have great plans for my future (graduate school, career goals, etc.) which is ALL a lie! He also tells people than he's so disapointed in me because he thinks I'm not trying to look for jobs or graduate schools. I keep telling him that I am but the recession makes it difficult to get a job or to get money to go to graduate school. He acts like he doesn't believe me... I know I'm an adult but his opinion matters because me disobeying him might make him go into one of his really bad episodes and even hurt me.

He goes to a doctor but since he goes there by himself or with my mom I'm worried that he might be lying to the doctor as well.


04/21/2009 04:03 PM
CharlieD
CharlieD  
Posts: 30
Member

Well, from my experience, when my husband had a huge meltdown Feb 08 and I made it to the VA psychiatrist I learned alot and so did the psychiatrist. He talked to me privately and was stunned at what really was going on in my home. He said after I told him truth it all made sense and all the pieces fit.

Sadly he goes alone now again and he has more turmoil now in his life but tells the doctor "all is good" UGH. I get so annoyed that they (docs) just don't care to delve or demand testing or therapy.

Good luck to you...it must hurt horribly coming from you dad.


04/21/2009 04:08 PM
miceelf
 
Posts: 99
Member

I used to want to go to the doctor with my husband, so I would know that they heard my side of the story, too -- MY perspective on the way things are ie:_reality_. My husband "presents well" and can be charming and maintain very well with others outside our home -- only those of us who have lived with him really know how bad it can get. It's one of the most painful, ironic facts about BP that those who often are hurt the worst are those who are closest to and love the BP person the most.

But then I realized that therapists are professionals, and they know what BP looks like and what the symptoms are. They know the symptoms that go along with mania and depression -- and dishonesty or distorted perceptions can be some of those symptoms. He has finally found a therapist and a pdoc he trusts, and they've both seen him when things are good, and when things are pretty bad -- although I don't think either one has seen him when he is in the pit, the depths of despair, I think they both understand how devastating this illness can be.


04/21/2009 04:41 PM
michi24
Posts: 14
Member

CharlieD: Yeah, I know what you mean. My father had a bad breakdown once and my mom told the doctors everything and things got better for a little while. I don't think she can help me with my current situation because she doesn't want me to leave home again, ever b/c she worries a lot. In fact, she was hoping that my father would react crazy to the idea of studying abroad the first time I did it but, to her surprise (and disapointment) he thought it was a good idea and helped me go.

I tried to talk to the doctor myself about dealing with bipolar parents but when I called the receptionist said that the doctor only deals with the patient.

miceelf: I hope you are right. I think I did meet the doctor once and he seemed like a strange person lol so I wasn't sure if he was good or not. But maybe he is helping...It seems like whatever I do in my life my father has to find something wrong with it. It's only right if it's his idea.


04/22/2009 10:09 AM
CharlieD
CharlieD  
Posts: 30
Member

oh my I'm sorry...i was raised in such a loving and caring home not only for us but for any person/stranger who my family came across. I always had love and support not matter what! But your dad, like my husband is about them. We don't matter (we really do but they can't express it), its about them. So sad and painful.

Really painful...my husband and I had a huge blowout yesterday adn after 9 months of my taking it all I had enough and just ripped him a new one.

Last night he tought all was well and good and even this morning but I'm not playing the game anymore. I'm done. SOmewhere along the line "THEY MUST" take responsibility good bad or indifferent they MUST.

One day at a time and sometiems 1 second at a time,

Be well


04/22/2009 02:39 PM
emels
emels  
Posts: 21
Member

I go with my husband to his appointments and sometimes I speak up and sometimes I wait to see if he is going to tell her the truth. I have called her myself dozens of times to tell her the truth about what is going on with him, because he always tells her everything is good and then usually blows up the minute we leave the parking lot.

My husband and I had a huge blow up two days ago. He blocked my car in driveway and tried to dismantle something in my car so i couldn't leave. I told him for the first time that I was done with him. All he does is threaten to take my son away from me..and you know what...I end up staying. The stupid thing is I know that there is no way in hell a judge would give him custody. he can't even hold down a job and does nothing to take care of our son. Even knowing this, I still stay because I know it will be a traumatic experience for my son. According to my husband, he does everything and all I do is judge him...blah blah blah. I don't even like going home anymore.


04/23/2009 11:26 AM
ConcernedSis
ConcernedSisPosts: 17
Member

What also can be done is to send the Dr. a confidential note telling him/her what is going on.

04/23/2009 12:30 PM
CharlieD
CharlieD  
Posts: 30
Member

Im sorry...the threats I get consistently too but over stupid issues, nothing as important or serious a child. My husband would threaten to never help me again (I have certain physical impairments from an accident 5 yrs ago and no family or close anyone around). He threatens to never speak to me and take my health insurance away. So I take it. I fight often but mostly would take it. Now I am fighting back more as I am home but its useless.

Last night he was online (again daily any spare moment other than in shower or toilet or sleeping) talking to one of his online whores and I wouldn't leave his office. I told him I came home because he begged me to come home. I'm home and he won't spent quality or even quantity time with me, then I sit in his office and watch him chat ..no privacy for him. He was yelling and lashing out. Then he starts crying because one of the online women (A friend to me who knows he is ill) told him she would not have his baby online (they are avatars/dollies) and he wept for over an hour. I wanted to whack him up side of the head I was so angry. I told him to get real and this is a game...he has trouble distinguishing fantasy and reality often but he is smart enough, he thinks I am going to let him get away with it.

I think I will be writing the doctors a note. I know our PCP knows what is going on and we see her in May sooooo I can only hope.


04/23/2009 09:03 PM
plugginalong
plugginalong  
Posts: 195
Member

I also recommend writng a brief/diplomatic letter to the doc, explain your concerns, even ask that he/she not let on to your spouse that you've written....

I concur with your original concerns. My wife LIED and smiled her way through all initial appointments. I think doctors SHOULD expect this!

Post edited by: plugginalong, at: 04/23/2009 09:04 PM

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