Bipolar in the family Support Group

(Crossposted from the Bipolar Support Group)

I will make this somewhat brief (because lord only knows i could write a novel about this particular situation!)

My aunt is very clearly mentally ill. I see bipolar in her but I'm no doctor. She is so much like me when I am not medicated. She has all the hallmarks, and her "manias" are full of screaming and crying and abusiveness towards others. She has deep seated hatred for me and everyone else in our family (including her grown son) because of perceived wrongs we did to her.

Additionally, she lives in utter filth. Her home is packed to the gills with junk (think Hoarders) and there is dog poop and pee everywhere. There is rotting food also. It is definitely a health hazard.

Despite the way she has treated me, I love her. And I can only imagine the hell she is living with untreated bipolar (or whatever it is.) I can't even imagine how painful and difficult life is for her.

She absolutely refuses help of any kind, and continues to believe that the entire world is against her. She continues to be emotionally and verbally abusive to nearly everyone. She is educated in the mental health field yet holds a hard lined stigma against all mental illnesses.

Anyway, the point of this post:

I am seriously considering calling Adult Protective Services on her due to the condition of her house. I am not in any way trying to get back at her - despite the way I act when my meds aren't right, I am not a vindictive person in the least. I don't usually get involved in other people's problems but my heart is breaking thinking about how hellish her world is.

My reasoning is that APS can help her, get her in touch with mental health professionals as well as people who can help her clean her home. Mainly I would like to see her get help for her mental illness and the cleaned up house is just a bonus.

I know that if I make the call, she is going to be livid and it will cause even more problems in our family. But if I don't, I am afraid she will end up in jail or worse. (For instance, she gets mad and texts people with graphic details of how she will hurt them and worse.)

She clearly has delusions and needs help so bad and this is the only way I think that will happen.

Would you make the call, knowing that she will freak out on everyone accusing them of being against her? This may very well make my grandparents stop speaking to me, if they find out it was me who called.... but on the other hand, I think it could help her so much in the long run.

Thinking back on times when you had bad episodes, would you have eventually felt grateful for getting the help, even though you didn't want it initally?

Thanks for any insight... I'm so torn.

Hey rodey, now I am a family member, not a person with a mood disorder. But my own experience (and years now of reading stories on here) tells me that you have to call them. She is unable to take care of herself, that is clear. So your responsibility (this is a family member's POV, mind you) as a loved one is to step in and help her, even if she rages at you and cuts off contact. Even if other family members cut you off. She is impaired--untreated mental illness can be like any other impairment--and that means you have to step in.

Now, I wish I could guarantee that the aftermath would be clear and simple and end happily. But likely, your intervention will be the first of many it will take before she admits she needs help. Still...someone needs to get this started. Sounds like it falls on the only responsible adult here--you.

When IF you make the call IMO she needs it to be done for all sake they wont tell her who called actualy you can explain situation and what will happen etc...you dont even have to give your name none has to know it was you.We actualy had to get them involved to help with my grandmother when she had alzhiemers we cared for her as long as we all could until she became a danger to herself and others we couldnt get a nursing home long wait list but once we involved DSS they immediately got her a bed in locked home for alzhiemer pts.

I was a nurse I know how it is to make those calls I also no they keep it confidiential on who called etc.....