Bipolar in the family Support Group

I just have to get this out somewhere. I haven't felt this overwhelmed, down, sad and depressed in over 11-12 years. This is my favorite time of the year, I'm usually up and happy. So high on life nothing can bring me down. But not this year. My marriage has been on the rocks for about three years now. I thought the worest of it was over and things were going to get back to some kind of normal. The fights, I can't handle the fights anymore. Everytime we go to spend time with my family, my Bipolar Mother in particular, he brings up stuff from the past and tears me up mentally and emotionally. Last Thursday I sat in the shower in the early a.m. hours for 45 minutes to an hour after hours of his yelling and bashing me, stairing down the barrow of my .38. He just pushes, me over my edge to see how far I will go. I think I honestly would have done it this time if images of my daughter wouldn't have kept popping into my head. I was going to leave this time. I was ready, prepared to do what ever I had to do to get away from this horrible relationship. He sobbers up and always begs me to stay. He drinks. A lot.... I want my daughter to have a good life, we have no where to go if he was to ever let us go. He controls everything, all money his. I quit my job to stay home and raise our daughter four years ago. I feel like I'm drowning, the tears won't stop. Just need to let some of this out. I have no one to talk to. My family would go nuts if they knew the half of what I go through. I just try to smooth things over and put a smile on my face for my daughter. It's getting harder and harder to do.

do you have a therapist? if not, you definately need to find one.

it is normal to feel low, depressed, and yes, even used and abused, from

time to time. it is NOT normal to go as far as having a gun, and wanting

to use it.

Please, please, try to find some help, somewhere!

you can always post here, but we are not professionals, and we are not to

where we can get to you to help.

maybe if your family knew what you are going thru, they may be able to help. you never know. you really need someone to talk to.

i will keep you in my prayers.

God bless,

joyce

2heal, you need to do two things: Contact your local battered women's shelter right away. They can help you extricate yourself from this abusive situation before things become much much worse. Second, you need to call and get an appointment with a psychiatrist right away. It is not normal to have suicidal thoughts like that. You need serious help right away.

We are a support group and we are not trained to help you the ways you need to ---a psychiatrist (or if you can't get an emergency appointment, go to an ER) and the women's shelters will help you soonest.

Please go to the battered women's shelter. They will not only help you with temporary lodging but they will help you with legal assistance, permanent housing, clothing, job assistance, whatever you need. I went to one several times and they were invaluable to me. They will help you get a protective order. They will put an alarm in your house. They will do whatever needs to be done to protect you. They also have counselors that will help you long term. Please get some help from the police and the local battered women's shelter. They are there to help you.

No I don't thave a therapist, yes I most likely need one . Not sure if my insurance covers that. I'm not ready for a woman's shelter. He's not physically abusive, and I really can't see dragging my daughter around here and there and everywhere. The worest of our fighting is after she's sleeping. Things just get to be too much sometimes. I feel guilty for letting him push me over the edge and I just need to get it out. I'm sure I need medication and therapy, I know I need to get the heck out of Dodge and move on. But I'm too stuck on trying to keep everything as stable as I can for my little girl.. I grew up in broken home, I didn't know my father until I was a teenager. Mother divorced and remarried every few years. I've been on my own since 17. I want better for my daughter. I'm a very private person, I live in a small community where every one knows everyone. I don't think I could ever trust a therapist. I don't trust leaving my daughter with anyone, I'm having anxiety attacks every time I think about her starting pre-school this fall. I'm a mess, a stubborn mess, I know. I don't like side effects of medications, I choose different healing methods. I'm just out of balance right now. I put everyone else's needs and well being before my own. There's got to be some balance in there. I'll get through this just like I've gotten through everything else. The stress of everything just got me to. I need some me time. Thanks everyone.

2healinghands,

you wrote the same thing that i have gone thru. needed to take care of everything, myself. on new yrs day this yr, i lost it. i had my oldest son come and get my .38. i was afraid for my sanity.

my husband is bp, but has never put his hands on me in anger. if he ever did, i would probally use the 38 on him.

i have a 6 yr old who is bp, odd, and adhd. he is the love of my life.

i know that you want to protect your dtr. i am also a mom.

living thru what i did as a child, i know that sometimes, i would have been better off if my parents had divorced. i will not bring up my child the way i was brought up. that is the reason i am willing, not wanting, but willing to send hubby packing if he ever acts out against me or my son, especially physically.

me and my son deserve better.

you said he put his hands on your throat....this is physical abuse.

you said you were in the shower with a loaded gun...this is a cry for help.

what will happen to your dtr. if something happens to you?

i will keep you in my prayers.

God bless,

joyce

Joyce made such a wise post to you. I just want to acknowledge that.

Thank you Joycea. Things are going better now. I finally told him things were going to have to change or I was leaving. I'd rather sleep in a tent down by the river than have one more arguement with him. He didn't take it well at first, but it sunk in. I've learned the only person you really ever have complete control over is yourself (that's if your lucky). Expecting someone to change in order for you to be happy just isn't the correct way to live. Accept people for who they are, if you can't accept their behavior then you're better off to get away from them.

I know I have to hold it together for my daughter. And I pray he can get a grip on his dranking long enough to get her raised into a healthy and whole person who can fully function in a postive way. I lost my way for awhile. But I'm slowly getting back on track. Meditation, yoga and exercise help my anxiety and stress levels. If I just make the time for myself to unwind, I can keep it half way together. Having people to talk to helps too. Thanks.

Post edited by: 2healnhands, at: 06/26/2012 07:53 PM