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04/14/2012 06:20 PM

Dilemna (or dilemma) ;-)

yen
Posts: 20
New Member

I had contact with my mother (with whom I was estranged) on the phone today after hearing from relatives that she was in hospital. She stopped drinking cold turkey a couple of weeks ago (the drinking is self-medication to deal with bipolar), but as a result she collapsed- apparently if you drink as much as she has you can't just quit cold turkey or you can die. In addition to detoxing she now has a staph infection, keeping her in hospital.

I called to give her support for admitting the problem with alcohol... but she still refuses to see a psychiatrist or contemplate taking meds. She also puts the blame on others for the results of her own behaviour. For example, I posted a thread some time ago about how my sister had to decide not to invite my mom and stepdad (my sister's dad) to her wedding. They still don't accept their role in not being invited- according to my mom she has forgiven my sister, but my stepdad is still angry. From my perspective they should be begging HER forgiveness. So now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I tell her my views while she is extremely vulnerable physically? This would feel like kicking her when she's down. Do I keep my distance again? Do I walk the line, as I have for 20+ years, of being in contact and listening to her say things I disagree with and resenting it? Argh. This is how it usually starts- a crisis happens that scares her enough to stop drinking, life is fine for a while, and then the nonsleeping starts again and we're off on a new round of mania and depression.

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04/15/2012 09:52 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

That's awful that your mom is in the hospital. She must really drink a lot to collapse. Self medicating is not the way to go. It will just make it worse, but you know that. The staph infection could be really dangerous though and I hope they get it under control. That was very nice of you to give her some support. I wish she would see a psychiatrist. You can't make her though, she has to do it on her own. That's a tough decision you have to make here. I wouldn't walk the line like you always have because it sounds like you are miserable doing that. Maybe you could tell her your views when she is a little better that way it's not like kicking her when she is down. She has a responsibility to get help for her mental illness. Without help, it gets out of control. I hope that she doesn't start drinking again this time. You know the cycle it sounds like though, but maybe this one scared her into quitting. I'm sorry you have to go through this with your mother. It's got to be very frustrating for you. Pleas keep us updated on how you are doing. We care and will be here to support you. I hope you find peace with your decision.

05/13/2012 05:12 PM
yen
Posts: 20
New Member

Thanks nyc. I haven't spoken to her since she was in hospital, although I have sent an email with some more recent photos. At this stage I feel I can keep my distance while still having some point of contact with her.

As you say, my life has been better without contacting her. Having said that, I'm not prepared to close the door completely. I'll just see how it goes.

I appreciate the support here so much! I've been away for a much needed holiday, and school has started back with a vengeance, so I haven't checked in here for a while. Thanks again.


05/13/2012 09:36 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11199
Group Leader

Focus on school, yen! Check in when you can. I think you have the right attitude. When the time comes to open the door wider or shut it completely, I think you will know.
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