Bipolar in the family Support Group

I've dealth with a lot of stuff through out my life, but to have my mother throw a psychotic episode infront of my three year old daughter is just the last staw. She accused my daughter of telling her she wasn't good enough to ride in her Grandpa's (my husband's dad) new sports car. My mother has always had issues about my husband going to extremes to keep her away from his parents. She has embarressed me my whole life. I pretty much raised myself after the age of 10, got out on my own at 17. Some how managed to graduate high school and then I felt forced into marrying the boy friend I moved in with.

I'm to the point where I do not want my daughter any where near her, especially alone. Is that wrong of me? To keep a Grandmother and Granddaughter apart? My Grandmothers meant the world to me. They were more of a mother to me than my mother ever was. I'm older, much older than my mother was when she had me. I now, am almost as old as my materal grandmother was when I was born.

Mother did this on Easter Sunday, of all the days to pick, right after Church. How do you explain to a three year old, why her grandmother is making up lies about something she said, yelling and stomping around the house like a crazy person??

Then there is the fear that I may be bi-polar. Anxiety and depression take over a good part of my life through the winter months. What kind of life is my daughter going to have? I don't like medications. I've turned to alternative healing. It works pretty good when I'm not under a tremendous amount of stress, which I am right now.

How do people deal with this?

Your mother throwing a fit isn't good in front of your daughter, that is true. Kind of immature actually. Does she take medications and have a psychiatrist? Her medications may need to be adjusted. I have bipolar, but am stable on medications. I'm sorry you had to pretty much raise yourself. I was the same way, only I had to take care of my two younger sisters also. I grew up really quickly. No time to be a kid. I don't know if I would keep your daughter isolated from her, but I probably wouldn't leave her alone with her if she's going to act that way. Something isn't right up there and something needs to be done about it. That's why I ask if she has a psychiatrist and takes medications. My mother had paranoid schizophrenia when she was alive. She embarrassed me all the time. I do wish I knew then what I know now. I would have been able to help her. If you do have bipolar, it's not a bad thing as long as you take your medications and go to therapy. I live like a normal person. No extreme episodes for three years. I feel good. It's for life, but it can be managed. I hope you don't, but if you do, there is a way to deal with it. I hope that you like it here. There is a lot of support. Welcome to the group!

Yes, my mother is on meds and has to go to see a psychiatrist. I don't think she takes her meds like she's suppose to. You can always tell when she's not taking them. She has trouble keeping a Therapist and a Psychiatrist, they call and cancel her appointments and tell her she doesn't have to come to talk to them. She doesn't listen to anyone, she's always in this consant state of negativity. She's always a victim of life, everything bad that happens to her is someone else's fault. She runs other people down to feel better about the things that she does. She will dredge up stuff that happened years ago, sometimes even childhood stuff, but when you bring up something she'll tell you her Psychiatrist says not to bring up stuff from the past. The same stuff I've been trying to get through to her for years. She is very immature. It's like she's stuck in teenager mode and never advanced on into adulthood.

I have a younger half sister I took upon myself to care for and take care of after my mothers big nervous breakdown when I was ten. She's a mental/emotional mess also. It runs on both sides of her family. Her father is going through electric shock treatment now for severe depression, anxiety and panic attacks. She won't even talk about our mother's episodes any more unless they directly affect her.

I have decided I do not want my daughter around my mother unsupervised any more. It hurts me to my heart for things to have to be this way. We live about three hours away from all of my family, so we don't get to see any of them very often. My little girl loves spending time with her family. Her paternal grandmother passed away from lung cancer a year ago in March. So my mother and my step mother are all she has. My Step mother is great with her, it's just that she has her own grand children so she's not that active in my daughter's life. I can't imagine growing up without my two Grandmothers, maybe that's because my mother was so young and a mental and emotional wreck. I know I looked up to and respected them way more than my mother.

Thank you Joy for your reply. It helps to finally talk to someone that's been through a similar situation.

If only she would take her medications all the time everyday. I think she would be a lot better. They aren't very good psychiatrists and therapists if they cancel and tell her she doesn't nee to come talk to them. That's not normal for a doctor to do that with a mentally ill patient. They usually want to see you at least every three months. I've seen mine up until I lost my job with insurance every month. I'm sorry she brings up the past and tells you not too. That's a double standard. That must have been hard taking on your half-sister. I was in a similar situation with my two younger sisters. Had to grow up really fast.

I can understand why you don't want your daughter around her alone. It's sad that it's come down to this. I'm sorry your family lives so far away from you. It's great that your step-mother is great with her. I can see though that she is a busy grandma. I hope that somehow this situation gets better. She should be taking responsibility of managing her illness. I wish everyone would do that, but there are a lot of bipolar people that don't. It's sad really. Hang in there. You sound like you have made up your mind. I think it's a good idea with here acting the way she does. Message me anytime. We are here for you.

I imagine my mother smarts off and talks back to her therapists. They probalby think she's a lost cause. She told me one time the doctor told her she needed to stay out of mine and my sister's personal life and not concern herself with what goes on in our personal life. Her reply back to the doctor was "Do you have kids?" Doctor "No." Mother "Then don't tell me what to do with mine." lol. She kills me.

Now she's being as nice as can be. Like nothing ever happened. I just get tired of these cycles. I really feel like a person has to be in charge of their own personal healing, doctors and medications can only do so much. I realize a lot of mental and emotional disorders are caused by brain chemical inbalances. I've done plently of study of the subject. But a person has to take a certain ammount of responsibility and want to heal and be a better person. I feel terrible when I get in a bad mood and say something to hurt someone feelings. I do what ever I can to make sure I don't get to that dark place again. And yes, things happen that set me back. Stress, not getting enough sleep, pain makes me moody. A certain amount of that, I feel is personality and outlook on life. You can only lead a horse to water, you can't make them drink it.

It sounds like you have a pretty good outlook and you want to do what ever you have to do to be better. I'd admire you for that. Thanks for your input. Just curious, how did you discover you were bi-polar?

I think that doctor was right though that she should stay out of you and your sister's business. That's funny what she said to the doctor. There does need to be boundaries set though in any relationship I think. How confusing for you to deal with the niceness and then turning the other way around. I agree that a person must take responsibility and want to be a better person. I too feel bad when I am in a certain mood. Before medications, I would blow up at people. It did take awhile for me to get there, but when I did get there, it was awful. I hurt a lot of people emotionally and I felt so much guilt and embarrassment afterwards. I started to see a therapist and in these sessions I would tell him my feelings. We would talk of course and I'd tell him about how I would get so angry and have these racing thoughts. After talking about my symptoms for some sessions, he diagnosed me. I didn't know anything about bipolar then. I knew schizophrenia because my mom had it when she was alive, but not bipolar.

My therapist referred me to a psychiatrist and I started medications. Finally got stable within 6 months, but still have tweaks here and there of course. Still am stable. I accepted my diagnosis when I was diagnosed. It answered questions to why I am the way I am. Why I felt these feelings. I wish everyone could accept their diagnosis, but a lot of people don't. They don't find their right mixture of medications quickly either, so it makes it hard to get stable for some people. I wish your mom would take her medications regularly, she would be much better off I think. It's good that you are setting boundaries with her regarding your daughter.

I'm glad to hear that you decided to set boundaries with your mother. I agree with all the Joy has told you. Bipolar is a lifelong condition, but it really can be managed with a combination of meds and a desire to be healthy. My husband has bipolar 1, and once he accepted and learned about bipolar he became much more focused on controlling his moods and what he says.

I hope your mother gets to the point where she'll seek help and learn to control her moods. No doubt she would be better if she took her meds regularly. Just a thought: I have a hard time believing that they really tell her not to come in, unless she consistently blows off her appointments. have you tried faxing your concerns and observations to her drs. They may not be able to talk to you because of privacy laws, but they should appreciate your input.

Thank you Sallyo. I know what you mean, but no she keeps her appointments. It's the Dr. Office that calls and cancels or reschedules. It's strange. But you have to realize my mother's whole outlook on life is doom and gloom. She's a victim, always has been always will be. Everything is negative most of the time. She gets her feelings hurt on a dime and takes everything everyone does or says as a personal attack. She gets upset at something she thinks her three year old Granddaughter said. When she was really ticked off and upset about something my husband or I said. Rather then confronting us she accused my daughter of saying something she didn't say. I mean I just don't know how to deal with someone like that. And I don't know how to explain to my little angel why her grandmother told lies on her. It's sick.

My daughter and I got to spend the day with mother and my sister a week or so after the Easter Drama. Mother wouldn't or couldn't look me in the eye. She was quiet and didn't talk much. It was boarderline ackward. She tried to pick a fight with me a few days before that by texting mean things to me. I finally told her she was picking a fight with the wrong person, that I love her and I know her dis-ease makes her say and do things that she doesn't mean. I left it at that untill I saw her again in person. I really hate not being able to have her as a baby sitter when we need one. My husband as an Award Banquet that he'd like me to go with him too this weekend. And our 10 year Anniversary is coming up. I'm not one to leave my child with just anyone, I prefer family. At this point I know I can not leave her with my mother anymore. It's hard to deal with.

I never thought about trying to contact her therapists. She tells me I need to go with her sometime. That I need help. I'm open to that, I know I need someone to talk to. Who doesn't. Just not with her in the same room. I've been trying to heal from the damage of my childhood for years. She was a horrible mother.

Thanks again for the input from both of you.