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05/14/2012 08:35 AM

Having problems with a bipolar mother(page 4)

sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3681
Senior Member

It's NOT selfish to take care of you first! You need to be healthy and happy. I can only imagine how hard this must be, but you are right in limiting contact with your mother since she is so unwilling to care for herself and treat you the way you should be treated.

Take care of yourself and hopefully the next surgery will be a roaring success!

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05/14/2012 09:17 AM
care2much
 
Posts: 58
Member

Thank you sallyo. I know I am worthy of being treated right and in my head I know it is not selfish for me to take care of myself, but it is so nice to hear it from others sometimes. I am hoping my next surgery will be a roaring success too. I am hoping it won't be as hard as this first one was, as they only have to go in and touch up whatever was missed this time. Thank you for your support, it means a lot. I hope you have a great day. Smile

05/16/2012 01:18 AM
oceansaway
Posts: 141
Member

Hi Care2Much,

I'm glad to hear that you're making steady progress from your surgery.

Mother's day is always tough. I thought about my mother and how I wished things were different. Have you read any books about bipolar? This helped me immensely. It explained all of my mother's behaviors. It also let me see that she wasn't going to change no matter how many times I wanted and begged her to. I just had to step away for my own sanity.


05/16/2012 08:15 AM
care2much
 
Posts: 58
Member

I tried to find some books in my library but the only one I found was for a person whose spouse had it. I haven't found any other books about it yet, but would be interested if you know of any good ones I could look for. There is a song that came to me while praying the other night for my mom, I don't know who sings it and I know some of the words, but it said pretty much what I feel with her as I want her to get better and come back healthier.

The lyrics that I remember are: I hope you find everything that you need, and when you see what you need to see, when you find you......come back to me. I'll let you go, I'll set you free, I'll be right here waiting to see, when you find you.....come back to me.

I think it sums it up because I am hopeful she will do the work she needs to do and get healthy and find her happiness and herself, so that someday she can come back to me.

Right now I am just concentrating on getting through these surgeries and taking care of myself. I am on so much medication right now with my usual medications for the diabetes, stomach issues, heart issues, etc and now he has me on 3 more, (3 for pain or discomfort, and 1 that I have to be on for a month that just coats everything that I have to take 4 times a day) so between all of this I am taking pills or liquid medicine almost every hour or hour and a half all day long, so this is enough to concentrate on right now.

it was nice to hear from you. I haven't seen a message from you in a while, but I don't get on here all of the time either, so it is understandable. I hope you have a great day.


05/16/2012 08:39 AM
ange2009
ange2009  
Posts: 375
VIP Member

care2much,i am glad to see you are getting your strenght back.it takes time to get better,

i wish you a good day,jackie.


05/16/2012 12:31 PM
NonBP4JC
NonBP4JC  
Posts: 10
New Member

Hi Care2Much...Good luck with 2nd surgery. I had 2 surgeries within 2 months of each other within the last 6 monts and the 2nd tougher to recover from. It does a number on your body. Hang in there. Prayers going up for quick, safe, recovery.

I guess I feel really fortunate the relationship with my mom was soooo different in the last few years (from when she was about 70 on)until she died. I was frustrated but not hurt..and in the end blesssed beyond belief that her illness humbled and changed her so much.

Now, it's a BP daughter I don't know how to deal with.. and my only child. This is now harder to deal with than my mom was. It's easier to cut off your mom for awhile than it is your daughter I think.


05/16/2012 01:29 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11199
Group Leader

@Care2Much, I bumped (:moved to the first page of the group) a thread we have on here about books...

05/18/2012 01:50 AM
oceansaway
Posts: 141
Member

Hi Care2Much,

It was recommended to me to read "Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem". Although I was in therapy and before I read this book I was making myself crazy trying to make my relationship with my mother work. Once I read this book, I truly understood the depth of my mother's issues. It also let me realize that I wasn't to blame for anything that she wanted me to take responsibility for. My life changed afterwards. I no longer torment myself trying to have a relationship with my mother. I know that I need to wait until she seeks help. It also let me "see" exactly what her behavior is like/will be. I'm better prepared to react to it because I understand why it's happening.


05/18/2012 08:26 AM
care2much
 
Posts: 58
Member

Thank you oceansaway. I am going to see if I can find a copy of this book as you are the second person I have heard of about it. It sounds like it would really help me a lot. Thank you for recommending it. I am still struggling with her. She wrote me another letter that I just got the other day. She sounds so sweet and loving and that she misses me and misses seeing me, and she is reading the Bible and that I should forgive her as we are not fixing anything this way. I want to believe her, but I just know that the bipolar dragon is just waiting to jump out and bite my head off at any moment as she just doesn't want to do anything to help herself. I have to keep telling myself that this "tough love" is the only thing I can do as I have to take care of myself and my health and I can't be worried about her all of the time any more. I have my other surgery coming up at the end of June and even after that one I have to watch the stress as if my reflux starts flaring up again then the Barrette's could come back and these surgeries would have been for nothing. He has me upped on my PPIs for the rest of my life now to keep the acid down, but after her letter and this struggle this last day I started having the heartburn again so I have to really watch. I am writing her a letter back this weekend, telling her that I will continue to try to write to her when I can, but that is as far as it will go until she can get the help she needs, be honest with her doctor, and actually do the work and find herself and her happiness in her life so she can come back to me healthy. She has to do it, I can't do it for her. I am telling her that she wants a relationship, well this is all I am willing or able to do until she gets help, and I mean really gets help not just give me lip service like she usually does. So it is a struggle still, but hanging in there. I will definitely look for this book. Thanks again for all of your support, you have really helped me more than words can say. I hope you have a great day. Smile

05/18/2012 11:41 PM
oceansaway
Posts: 141
Member

I'm glad that I can help. The road for me has been tough. Although I understand my mother's actions, the saddness is still very profound for me. I guess that will never go away.
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