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Bipolar Family Community Bipolar Family Support Forums General & Support knowing when to let go
 

knowing when to let go


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12/30/2007 15:53
Circles2007
Posts: 44
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 I'm new to this board but have been reading lots of people's comments about how bipolar affects individuals and their significant other. I left my husband several months ago after being married for over 10 years. I always thought something was wrong with him but I always assumed it was his upbringing. Things started getting so strange that I could predict when he would be depressed and when he would be manic (at the time I didn't realize he was manic). I didn't realize this because I didn't know what bp was. I ended up doing research for a company I worked for and came across an individual's story who was bipolar. My husband's behavior was identical. Of course the denial was there and he went to the doctor who also thought he was bipolar and sent him to a psychiatrist. He chose not to take the tests that the psychiatrist wanted to perform on him and ultimately after taking depression pills and sleeping pills that didn't help I left him. With all that he has done to me and our child, even if there was a miracle pill for him, I still wouldn't want him. Anyways I tried ending the relationship by moving several hours away, by changing jobs, and by communicating with him bare minimum. For the first few months he harassed me by calling all through the night and day. Then I didn't hear from him for a few days, then he showed up at my place (we argued, and I tried to make him leave), then he cried begged and pleaded with me to work things out i said NO. Then the harassment started again. I've tried to work out a visitation plan for him and our child, but he stated he doesn't want anything to do with our child if I am leaving him. It hurts but I still have to do whats right and stay out of this relationship. On top of this he calls my family repeatedly to find out information about me. I told them to tell him they rarely talk to me. He calls them constantly and has even started telling lies about me. He tells them I won't let him see our kid, but he leaves out that he said he wanted nothing to do with our kid if I leave him. He told them that I haven't been paying bills so I called the automated service and showed them that all my bills have been paid. I'm not sure why he feels the need to bash me. If they don't answer his calls, he blocks his number out and calls them. He tells them one minute he loves me, the next minute he tells them he hates me. Recently he told them that I never come home to visit them because I don't like them (thats absurd. I love my family and don't visit them as frequently as I used to because of all the stress and chaos he causes which has drained me).

I just want to move on with my life and was trying to wait until he was out of his mania to file for a divorce. Does anyone here think that filing for a divorce will stop him from bothering me?
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12/30/2007 17:42
AnnaNAmos
Posts: 67
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 I do not know if that will stop him. In the begining, my hubs persued me and I told HIM NO definitively many, many,many times after I saw odd behavior. I also did not even know BP existed.

So, after awhile, just thought well, he really cares more than anyone else ever did...

I did not know I was a manic obssesive persuit

I prayed for hubs towant to leave me for years, I figured his ides - then he would not try to follow after me.

Now, that he is going, I am a wreck.

Make it his idea....

You are right honey, we should go our own ways....

Ask a shrink
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01/02/2008 04:58
vlc
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 I understand your feelings. MY husb was recently hospitalized due to his bi-polar. We've been married almost ten years and I;m not sure how much longer I can last

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01/05/2008 16:45
TerriTee
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 This is such a difficult situation to be in. Even when they make the commitment to taking care of themselves (therapist, dr., and meds.), it is still largely up and down. If my husband wasn't doing everything possible to keep himself well, I don't think I could stay, especially knowing what it would do to my children. (My son had to see a counselor because he was having difficulty dealing with all the uncertainty while the meds were getting regulated).

At one point last year, my husband was "picking" at us all so much, I threatened to leave. I admire your strength!

Post edited by: TerriTee, at: 01/05/2008 18:46

Most people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life - Brian Andreas
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