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02/11/2011 06:44 PM

Heartbroken over my Bipolar ex fiance

StellaRue1
StellaRue1  
Posts: 17
Member

Hi everyone, I'm new here and not sure I'm in the right place. Please help me, I feel like I'm living in hell right now.

I've was living with my fiance for 2 years. One afternoon out of the blue he said that he wants to be single and date. Then asked me to change my facebook status from engaged to single. He left 5hrs later for a date with a girl he met at work the week earlier. He didn't come home that night. He emailed me the next day and said I have 30 days to move out and he would be living with her until I move. Needless to say I was shocked. He stopped by our place 3 days later and I've never seen anything like it. I thought he was on drugs, he had this blank look on his face,he was hyper, practically jumping up and down saying they are so in love and she's everything he's ever wanted and everything he'll ever need. That he will be reversing his vasectomy because he want to have children with her. He wouldn't stop talking about her, he was saying the most hurtful things to me. He felt absolutly no feelings for me, just turned them off like a light switch. It was like the past 2 years never existed . When I asked him whats going on with us, he became very irritated and angry and screamed at me". This is a man who's never raised his voice to me ever. I thought he was going to phyically hurt me. This is not the person I've been living with for the past two years. It was like someone evil had taken over his body. He packed some of his clothes and left.

I moved into my own place. Two months later they got engaged and 2 months after that, they got married. He bought her an expensive ring and they are always going on trips. When we were together we didn't have the money for such things. Now he's spending money like crazy.

He has not been diagnosed bipolar, however, his grandparents, mother and two siblings have it.

Unfortunally for me we live next door to each other. So I have to see them together daily.

He is so angry at me still and when I try to talk to him, he becomes irritated, even 6 months later. I'm heart broken and in therapy just trying to get my life back together.

Does this sound like bipolar to anyone?

Thank you for listening. No one seems to understand what I'm going through. If I wasn't experiencing it for myself, I don't think I'd believe it either.

Post edited by: StellaRue1, at: 02/12/2011 07:58 AM

Post edited by: StellaRue1, at: 02/12/2011 08:00 AM

Post edited by: StellaRue1, at: 02/12/2011 08:01 AM

Post edited by: StellaRue1, at: 02/12/2011 08:02 AM

Post edited by: StellaRue1, at: 02/12/2011 08:03 AM

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02/11/2011 08:09 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11201
Group Leader

It would really take a psychiatrist to diagnose him but much of what you describe seems like it could be untreated bipolar. I am sure this was really traumatic for you. Are you seeing a therapist? I think a therapist could really help you work through your feelings and heal. And I hope you can move soon!

02/12/2011 02:32 AM
Lena
LenaPosts: 578
Member

"It was like someone had taken over his body" - to me it feels like it is the devil himself who goes into these bipolar people. They became so selfish, heartless, cold and evil while manic. My husband of 20 years left me the same cruel way. I am sorry you have to experience this too.

02/12/2011 07:51 AM
StellaRue1
StellaRue1  
Posts: 17
Member

Thank you Marriedtoit and Lena. I needed to know that I wasn't going crazy. I've never experienced anything like this. I am going to therapy and working on myself, however I still love the man I lived with but he doesn't exist anymore. I've cried everyday for the passed 6 months. It's almost like my real boyfried died and was replaced by something evil. I'm in pain and I was with him for 2 years, I can't imagine what you must feel like Lena, after 20 years of marriage. You said it, selfish, hearthless, cold and evil. It's very sad. How are you doing? What did you do to help yourself?

02/12/2011 10:54 AM
carolinapat
 
Posts: 222
Member

Stella Rue,

What a horrible thing to go through. I was married to a bipolar man for many years. As the years went on he changed into someone I didn't know and couldn't tolerate. I know it's hard for you to realize this right now but after some time has passed hopefully you will understand that you are much better off without him. Go through your mourning period . He does sound bipolar. Soon the new woman will realize it. Thoughts and prayers to you.


02/12/2011 12:02 PM
StellaRue1
StellaRue1  
Posts: 17
Member

Thank you Carolinapat, I do appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Do they ever realize what they've done? Does anyone know what comes after the mania?

Post edited by: StellaRue1, at: 02/12/2011 12:04 PM


02/12/2011 01:29 PM
Lena
LenaPosts: 578
Member

I do wonder too does my ex-husband ever realize what he has done to me and to our children. In my case it has been almost 3 years since he became manic. I have learned a lot of acceptance and the pain has lessened. I survived because I had to. I lost so much, he blew up all our savings, we had to sell our house and basically everything that used to be my life is gone.

StellaRue, I know it hurts now, but I too believe that you are better of without him. Take care of yourself now, you can't change him.


02/12/2011 02:14 PM
StellaRue1
StellaRue1  
Posts: 17
Member

Lena, thanks for sharing, it's so hard for me to understand how they can just walk away for their families. I wish you and your children the best. It's such a horrible disease.

02/13/2011 09:24 PM
AnnieO89
Posts: 2
New Member

Stella Rue, it does sound like your ex fiance has bipolar. I have often used the same analogy you used, saying that bipolar is like being possessed and that someone has died. It's hard to watch someone you love be taken by this. I have several bipolar family members, and I am very young. I have mourned relationships and loss with members of my family. And I understand what confusion you're experiencing. I understand that he has not been diagnosed. I come from a family where many people are bipolar, and there is an enormous amount of denial because the pain family members go through. After you have seen and experienced the depression, loss, and crisis from a bipolar relative...the last thing in the world you want to happen is for you to possibly become that person. I'm not sure that this is the case for your ex fiance. He will continue to cycle until he either crashes so hard he ends up in the hospital and gets diagnosed, or he acknowledges his behavior and goes to a psychiatrist. I hope that you can move, you don't deserve to see something so confusing and heart breaking every day of your life. It's his struggle and his responsibility whether you are with him or not. I completely share your confusion and heart break.

02/14/2011 09:31 AM
StellaRue1
StellaRue1  
Posts: 17
Member

ANNEO89

Thank you for being so understanding. I'm so grateful to have found a place where caring people can understand my pain. I believe this is something that can never be understood unless you've been in this situation and seen it first hand. My friends and family think "I should just get over it already", he's just and evil jerk. However, it's much more than that. I appreciate your kind words and I understand your pain.

I wish I could move, but we both own our places, and everyone in California is upside down on their mortgages and we can't sell right now. My mortgage is much more than I could rent my place for. I'm stuck for the moment.

XOXO StellaRue

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