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swg14279
Posts: 16
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I am posting this to see what is ahead of us (my husband and I). My husband finally went to his primary care physcian a week ago and described to her how he has been feeling. She told him that she believed that he was bipolar. When he told me, it is funny I was surprised but I wasn't. I had been begging him to go because I thought he was depressed, and I also thought he had anger management problems. But then after he told me and I researched bipolar I realized that he fits the description. We have been married for alomst two years. I am also hopeful too, that if he gets help that things will be better for him and us. But its hard. We went to dinner last night with my best friend and her fiance and some other couples. And i almost started to cry because I see how they are and how thier signifigant others look out for them and take care of them, and I don't have that. And the unpredictablity of emotions and how he is going to be with me that day or even that moment. Its funny for a long time in our relationship I actually doubted at times whether he loved me. He was so hot and cold and still is. I am scared that he is going to decide that he does not need the medicine anymore. And he can be so irrational and hard headed, and there is no getting through to him. I am also afaird that he might put of finacial future in jeopardy. He recently lost most of our down payment for our house in the stock market, partially because of the market but also because he did not diversify and put it in all in one stock which was high risk. He still defends he decision, even though he lost so much. He was in a car accident because he fell asleep at the wheel because he is not getting enough sleep. He barely ever wants to be inimate with me and watches porn instead. Before last week, I took it so personally and worked out like crazy thinking he was not attracted to me anymore. But I have so mush more clarity now, and realize that it is not me or how he feels about me. But I am scared. He goes to see a pyschatrist on the 27th, only a week away to get an official diagnoses and hopefully medicine. Anyway, I needed to vent, because I have no one in my life that I can sare this to because he would get upset if anyone knew. Just writing this actually truly helped. But any advice and tips would help. |
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MichelleD
Posts: 25
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I feel the same way, I see friends and the same feeling, almost jealous, someone is taking care of them, helping them, while I walk on eggshells not to piss him off by asking him to lower the volume or help with my child. What gets me is that my husband (in a mania) is like the best dad and helps around the house, but gets snappy and verbally abusive. I just needed to vent too, sorry and thanks- You're not alone! I take it personally every time, That's why I joined here! Mich |
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BecksMom
 Posts: 19
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Try not to be jealous of others. How people act in public is no indication of how their relationship really is. Because of my devastating situation I was mildly jealous of anyone who was married with children. I looked at two of my co-workers with jealously until we ended up in a discussion and I found out that both of them were in a similarly horrible marital situation as me. I have yet to find that perfectly "happily married" couple. My husband used to take excellent care of me before all the depression and bipolar mania. Now I'm figuring out that he's a narcissist. He loved to take care of me because I always gushed about how wonderful he was. I couldn't see that at the time. The grass NEVER greener on the other side. Everyone has their own set of problems. |
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MichelleD
Posts: 25
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Thanks for the support! My husband joined this website so I am less confortable to post now, but I am still glad I have aplace to vent and he needs the support the most right now anyway! Thanks again- |
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swg14279
Posts: 16
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MichelleD, I do agree that it is hard to not be jealous, but it is true that the grass is not always greener. |
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BecksMom
Posts: 19
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Speaking of jealousy...I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 8. My friends were all very jealous of me. They thought I married the best man in the world and would always talk amongst themselves about how they wished they could find a husband as wonderful as mine. I didn't know about these discussions until recently. We appeared to be the happiest couple (even I thought we were the happiest couple). Now my friends are glad they didn't find a husband like mine. They were good years while they lasted. I have a 16-month-old baby, I'm working full time, job hunting due to the company restructuring, tryiing to figure out where we are going to live since the mortgage hasn't been paid in 4 months, and dealing with all of the divorce/custody stuff. I'm doing it all myself. I know what you mean about looking at other couples and wishing you had support. |
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MichelleD
Posts: 25
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HI! My husband is switching to a new DR but the wait is until Dec 5th. I know I should be happy but I feel like no one wants to help the Bi polar people. If he had cancer would they make him wait over a month to get a DR? Cancer is way more cure-able. We fought again tonight over how much he does and how he could be one of those people who doesnt get dressed and stays in bed. There's an argument, "I could be worse". I am feeling overwelmed! I am sorry I wrote this here on your support page but I cant figure this out yet and you all seem to be kinda my support group friends so far... I am sure this is a fau pa (spelled wrong lol) ! Anyway, I want to make his health the number 1 issue and cause in our home but I may be losing my job and that needs to be the number one issue due to my being the wage earner here! He isnt helping enough for me to get a new job and I need to get a new job! He has responsibilities and I feel the reason he doent live up to them is because he thinks it is OK, when is it OK for me not to go to work or neglect the kids...Its not so why can he? I have a strong sence of fair and this upsets me for no other reason. LIFE IS NOT FAIR...and it sucks! |
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jollyjoe
Posts: 3506
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I`m the Bipolar one in our marriage..In the begining I put my husband thru hell ..You can`t lose yourself in caring for him..You need a support group of your own and so far you have found one..Next step being patient about the meds..It take a while to find the right med cocktail..IS he suicidle or homicdel?? |
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TerriTee
Posts: 1785
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MichelleD, Hi, and welcome! It's okay to vent here. Most of us are or have been there. We understand  . It sounds like you are in a very frustrating situation. I don't think it's because the doctors don't care. It could be because the good ones are so busy already. I remember having to wait a month for the initial appointment - it felt like forever! I was thinking, we can't live like this for another entire month! They did put us on a "cancellation list", so we could get in on the first canceled appointment. It might be worth asking about. Good luck to you, and we're here listening whenever you need to vent! Hugs, Terri Most people don't know that there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life - Brian Andreas  |
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MichelleD
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Terri, thanks for the cancellation idea. Here in PA the services for adults is horrible. We were originally put on a 2 year waiting list, then we found a doctor who would take him right away but doesnt take insurance and was about $300 per session and started giving us a special rate of $150 per session. My husband is a cook and I am a special ed teacher...$600 per month is not in our price range, then he prescribed up to 35 pills a day, constant blood work and verbal threats about where to get the blood work done even though it was out of network for us. This experience turned us both off to doctors for a while, but I insisted we find a good doctor, and we eventually got a new doctor but he was very clinic like, he only sees patients for 10min or less and his lobby is always packed, my husband hated this as well, I am hoping this new doctor is better, also he needs his meds and he will be out before the new appt. JOE- He is not homicdel (he did tell the doctor the wait was so long he could kill everyone by then, fairly sure it was a joke), and he does not want the kids to have a dad who has been hospitalized but I believe he would commit suiside if he had the opportunity, kids were away, overdous on pills or something. He wants to go hunting with his friend but I insist he never go hunting or own a gun...it's just not in his cards, he has agreed but lately his friend has been asking(pressuring) him to go hunting and I insist he not. THANKS for this, I really really need a place to tell people this it is eating me up inside! |
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