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10/06/2008 09:11 PM

Abusive Behavior (long)

Mobocracy
Posts: 8
New Member

For those of you who are in an abusive behavior with a loved one diagnosed as Bipolar Disorder please check out the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder.

My story: I am a recovered Bipolar Affective Disorder (BP II). I still get the mood fluctuation, just not as extreme and i know how to self-regulate for the most part. Recently i just ended a two year relationship with a borderline personality disorder GF.

If any of you know anything about borderline personality, you would know they are very abusive. She fit the diagnosis to a T. Yet psychiatrist after psychiatrist diagnosed her as having Bipolar. At the time i had no clue what borderline was. I knew intimately the symptoms of Bipolar and knew she wasn't struggling with the same illness i was. It was very confusing, because i had never been hostile or abusive in that way to my friends or loved ones EVER! Sure my manic phases often resulted in uncontrolled fits of anger and rage but as soon as the mood swing passed, i would be back to my good old normal self. This is not true of borderline. They have no self. They are constantly triggered by life stressors that result in constant abusive behavior to those closest to them. I tolerated this abuse for two years, thinking i was part of the problem. The fact was my tolerating her behavior was anchoring her false sense of reality and enabling her to act inappropriately.

Finally she was correctly diagnosed with borderline

personality disorder and it all made sense. If your loved ones abusive behavior tends to be "triggered" by life events and not manic or depressed episodes, then it is more than likely they are suffering from borderline.

Fact of the matter is, psychiatrists dont like to diagnose borderline. Insurance companies dont cover borderline treatment in there plans which results in misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis due to greed and lack of understanding of the borderline disorder. Also, borderlines are viewed by many therapists as hopeless cases. The personality disorders are very hard to treat, and medication isn't the main focus. Bipolar is considered a treatable illness, especially by expensive medicine.

I am not trying to say your loved one does not suffer from Bipolar. I have bipolar disorder. I know the illness inside and out. I am just saying that it is very hard for me to relate to a lot of the symptoms that seem more interpersonal rather than mood affected. Mood swings are nasty. I know mine have caused lots of pain and hardship on my family. But i never was coercive , manipulative and completely consumed by insecurities that plague the borderline personality disorder. Inform yourself. The two illnesses mimic each other but are distinctly different when it comes to onset and treatment.

My girlfriend was misdiagnosed a half a dozen times with the wrong diagnosis. Don't put it past your local psychiatrist to be motivated by greed or just plain lack of knowledge pertaining to borderline personality disorder.

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10/06/2008 09:37 PM
needinreassurance
needinreassurance  
Posts: 39
Member

What are the major criteria differences between the two? Up to this point, at least in the 7 years we have been together, I have never experienced a manic episode with my husband. Do these episodes happen with the borderline personality? He has been majorly depressed before, but never this manic high.

10/07/2008 04:39 AM
txbiker63
txbiker63  
Posts: 635
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Man What your saying here might make sense to some but (no disrespect ) Are you a medical professional??????? There are alot of people here that are family members of bp looking for support in dealing with there loved ones. Some are undergoing treatment some are not. Mental illness is often misdiagnosed and there are alot of docs that don't do a thorough job in their assesments. Bp cannot be cured it does not go away or go into remission like cancer. You dont contract it like a disease. It's a chemical imbalance of the brain and a treatable disorder with proper meds and therapy. I hate to see family members get a false sense of hope over being told their loved ones are being misdiagnosed and are not BP. WE are here to offer advice and support not diagnose loved ones........That we leave to the docs...............Not trying to say anything just my 2.....I do like your posts they do have merit and give another question to raise at the next appointments......TNX.......

10/07/2008 02:36 PM
Mobocracy
Posts: 8
New Member

I dont think saying they are misdiagnosed as BP and not borderline is giving them any hope. In my opinion borderline is much more devastating on the family. They are literally incapable of a mature relationship. Borderlines have no sense of "self" and cannot ever develop the emotions required for a healthy relationship. They require years of psychotherapy to try to unlearn their skewed ways of thinking and dealing with perceived threat. Only then can they start to build a sense of "self" and start facing reality as it is, not how they perceive it to be.

Being bipolar myself, i understand that my manias and depressions can be devastating in my relationships with others. Manias and depressions can be effectively treated with medication and lifestyle corrections (sleep, diet, exercise etc). There are MANY persons afflicted by bipolar who live normal happy healthy lives. Saying that is uncurable, which to an extent is true, isn't the term i would use.

Anger, violence and interpersonal relationship problems ARE NOT necessarily a symptom of bipolar disorder. They can point towards a manic episode, but it is possible to be manic and NOT angry or abusive and it is definitely possible to be angry and abusive and NOT experiencing mania or depression whatsoever. If you look up Borderline Personality Disorder you will find that unstable abusive relationships, violence and fits of anger are all part of diagnosing the disorder.

I am bipolar and during my manias i was never violent, abusive or felt threatened that i was going to be abandoned. If you see that your loved one is showing more signs abusive behavior, anger, and violence and are assuming these are due to manic phases, i would recommend you at least take a look at the definite symptoms of mania and the definite symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Maybe then the true illness will come to light.

I am not a psychologist but have 25 years of Bipolar experience and 2 years of hands on borderline personality disorder experience. I was misdiagnosed four times before the proper diagnosis of bipolar affective disorder (BP II) was correctly given. My ex has now been misdiagnosed three times as bipolar disorder. She has not once exhibited ONE diagnosible criteria of a manic or a depression symptom. I just cannot see how a supposed "trained" psychiatrist cannot make the distinction between the two illnesses.

Another reason that i think many are misdiagnosed is pure greed. A lot of us depend on insurance money to cover medicine and therapy. Insurance companies classify Bipolar disorder as an AXIS I disorder, therefor treatable and they in turn cover it. Borderline Personality Disorder is considered an AXIS II disorder and IS NOT covered by insurance companies. Don't you think that greed plays any role here? Lose a patient or keep a patient...

Having the correct diagnosis is the key to any chance of recovery. The corrective treatments in each of these illnesses are distinctly different. Also a correct diagnosis is crucial for the NonBP or NonBorderline family members recovery. It helps you make sense of why your loved one acts the way he/she does. Then maybe you can "stop walking on eggshells" and regain control of your own life.


10/07/2008 05:31 PM
txbiker63
txbiker63  
Posts: 635
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

I hear what your saying and agree with you. Especially about some pdocs there are actually too many just like that. My fiance has been diagnosed BP since she was 17 years old she's now 42. She's experienced all of the bullshit crappy docs come up with and until a few years ago and had any treatment that was worth anything to her well being at all. Now with a great doc we live a fairly normal life. Some of the people here need a place to talk and vent and what I meant by hope is that they want it to be something else besides BP I didn't make a distinction between the disorders just people desperate for a helpful word will jump to conclusions. I do see what you mean on the bpd there are alot of the same symptoms. My fiance had an abusive relationship before me and it shows at times but that has nothing to do with her BP nor does she have BPD she has schizoaffective also. You have a good point for some here to bring up to their doc's if and when they can get their loved ones to them. Sorry for being rude earlier was posting from work and it was a little busy today but welcome to the group.................TXB......

FYI some might get a little prickly about your opinion and views on BP and BPD just a heads up is all. I like a different perspective and new ideas it's always good to learn something new.............


10/09/2008 11:31 AM
karne
karne  
Posts: 23
Member

I understand your fustrations, I took my daughter to a total 23 doctors in her life (she is 19), it has taken 2 sessions a week for 1 1/2 years to get her completed valuation.

Bipolar people can have borderline personalities as well, my daughter has both. My brother and sister have Bipolar and they do not act out like my daughter, and they were the ones telling me to keep her in therapy because she had something in addition to Bipolar. And they were right! Both disorders must be treated at the same time or she will not get positive results.

I was told because of her extreme bipolar (she is disabled) she had a very distorted view on life and may have caused the borderline personality. Borderline personality is very complicated and to me is harder to deal with than the Bipolar.

Just remember to take care of yourself. And nobody has the right to abuse you for any reason EVER. She is responsible for her own actions and never take the blame or think you did something for her immature reaction. Borderline personalties manipulate people with fear and guilt. I am therapy to deal with my daughters abuse.


10/09/2008 12:18 PM
glory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Tx .....prickly ain't the word! lol Mobo, what kind of arrogant, egotist are you? You have 25 years of BP experience under your belt? Let me throw 59 at ya! Was it 2 years of Borderline you watched? Let me throw several years as a Psych nurse at ya!!! Saying you are a, "recovered" BP, is laughable. Did your license to practice Psychiatry come from Cracker Jacks?? I think it would better serve this forum to stick to your own experience rather than try to be the on site expert!

10/09/2008 01:12 PM
Mobocracy
Posts: 8
New Member

Wow glory, the pot calling the kettle black eh? All i am trying to do is help, which to you, you feel threatened by it. I am not "trying" to be an expert. Just a good old observer like anyone else. Take my posts however you like them. Your hostility towards others will get you no where. Cheers.

As for me being recovered as "laughable", thx for trumping on my success. You dont know me, you dont know where i was and what it took to get to where i am now. For 59 years you are rather immature by insulting me and using the expression laughable, especially for a so called support site. If you have nothing positive or insightful at all to add, why comment at all? I wasn't trying to come across as arrogant or the site expert. I am sorry you see people that way. Most people have good intentions for why they do what they do, even if they do come across to others as rash.

Have a great day. Laugh all you want, I wont burden you with anymore posts.

Post edited by: Mobocracy, at: 10/09/2008 13:16


10/09/2008 01:23 PM
glory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Post all you like, but don't try come off as an expert. There are desperate people here, Mobo. Desperate people searching for any port in their storm. I do feel threatened. Ifeel threatened for my dear friends here that struggle, like me, daily to keep the even keel. You're right I do show hostility, and today you are the lucky one. I get really hostile when I fear for the integrity of this non-medical forum. Rather immature was not a very grown up thing to say about me, now was it! lol You did not come across as rash, simply full of yourself.

10/09/2008 02:01 PM
heatherr
heatherr  
Posts: 395
Member

Group hug peoples...we all are here for the same thing. Its not worth arguing about.

While I dont doubt that people get misdiagnosed, I wanted to point out that nobody here suffers MORE than anyone else...we wouldnt be here if we had ducky lives. We all suffer, we all struggle and we all need support regardless of bipolar or personality disorder. My guess is we have a board here for that as well, Im sure someone there can relate.

Dont make me start singing kumbaya Laughing

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