Bipolar in the family Support Group

I have loved and supported my husband now for a year. He left me Oct 16 2007. As some are aware we have been married 20 years. I have endured a pain so great i thought i could not survive it. My husband has said very cruel heartless things. I know it was due to his illness. As far as i know he has been med compliant, on Depakote for 4 months. I see a difference but not nearly enough to say that this medication is working for him. I know that somewhere deep down inside his heart he does love me...but I can't endure this anymore. I want a release from this hell.

I have done great things for myself in the last year, new job, joined a gym and have a good support network. The problem is that i am consumed with guilt...I know he is sick and this is not his fault but I want to let him go... I can't take the pain anymore. any advice?

Hi. You went above and beyond trying to work out his problems with him for 20 years, during which it sounds like he wasn't very nice. You say you know it is not his fault - well, it's not your fault, either. Sometimes things work out as they are meant to, even if you can't see it now. You need to release yourself from the guilt. You didn't cause his illness. You can't cure him or control what he is going through.

He left almost a year ago. You deserve to move on.

Hugs,

Terri

I can understand the guilt, but you also have to take care of yourself. Hes as much to blame for the problems your having as anyone else. Remember that BP is NOT an excuse to act like an ass, you shouldnt have to put up with it.

Mckay,

I am sorry about what is going on in your marriage. I havent even been married 3 yrs yet and I am thinking about calling it quits. You said it right "I want a release from this hell" that is how I feel.

It is a very frustrating situation. At least your husband is taking meds and admits he has a problem. Mine thinks he is no longer BP.

But I have also come to relized and thisblows hit it right on the head "Remember that BP is NOT an excuse to act like an ass"

Good luck to you and stay strong!

mckay,

What do you feel guilty about? Did you give him bipolar disorder? No. Can you cure his bipolar disorder? No. Do you need to spend the rest of your life in what you describe as "hell"? No. Don't feel guilty about giving up. He left you. And it may be due to symptoms of his bp, like if he is psychotic, or delusional. These type of symptoms caused my wife to flee our family, but she found stability, and things returned to normal. That doesn't always happen. And you can't be expected to wait forever. Move on with your life, and if he decided he wants to return, then you can decide if you are ready, and that he is committed to treating his disorder, and committed to the relationship.

I would advise getting some GOOD counseling. It REALLY helped me during some difficult times with my wife. It's great that you are taking such good care of yourself. Keep it up.

Paul

Thank you all for your support.... I guess i get myself all determined to forget about him and then I see the pain he is in too. If only i did not love him as i do, this would have been so much easier. I am obviously co-dependent on him and that is what i need to work through.

Mckay,

*BIG HUGS* I feel for you! It sounds like you have made great progress and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I agree with what everyone else said here.

I am co-dependent also, we have a great board here for that as well. Feel free to join in if you would like!

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/dependent-personality- discussions

mckay , Sorry to hear you are in so much pain . I too am in a long distance thing with somone . It is vetry hard I am fully aware of that. It is up to to decide if you want to be in something like that or not

Mckay, you are doing all the right things. You have been married a long time. I can say in defense of your husband that if he is med compliant that is a good thing. Hopefully that also means that he is seeing a pdoc. Four months seems like forever when you are looking for a sign of change, but it is not a long time in the bp world. I have read stories on this site where it has taken two years to get the right med combination.

Whether you can wait any longer is entirely up to you. The good thing is you are taking care of yourself. I know for me that when I do the next right thing, my life will generally fall into place. Dealing with my g/f's mental illness has been a huge challenge. HUGE. lol.

But not nearly as bad for me as it has been for her.