Bipolar in the family Support Group

Here is what I posted there:

Peepers posted:

My husband who has BP II moved out ten months ago. He stated he wanted a divorce. I thought he would come out of whatever stage it was he was in and want to reconcile. He has not. Do they ever come back? I did not know he had BP until after he moved out. His brother (BP I) informed me that the medication he was on was used to treat BP. That sure explained a lot of his behavior and I wish I wold have known earlier. He told me he was being treated for depression.

I've noticed that alot of you are spouses of BP people or are BP yourselves and are married or have a SO. I wish I had a spouse who stayed with me. He is the one with BP disorder and he is the one who left me! How messed up is that?

Thank you for listening.

07/20/2008

norma

Posts: 4484

Group Leader Norma

THIS IS WHAT I POSTED

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-in-the-family

The above is a link to a group especially for people who have spouses, SO, boyfriends, girlfriends with bipolar disorder. They may have some answers for you and can offer support.

I am not sure about your statement about "he is the one with bipolar and he is the one who left me"??? What does that mean? I think it is messed up, but, am not sure how.

07/20/2008 21:25

KrissyH

Posts: 483

Member

When someone leaves a relationship, BP or NOT, they leave for a reason. There is never an explanation. When you really and truly love someone, you run TO them, not FROM them. I think maybe you are hurting and looking for someone or something to blame. Bipolar disorder looked like the easiest thing to blame without having to really look at your relationship. You didnt even know what his meds were really for. Im guessing you weren't a big part of his support. And Im guessing that he probably resented you for that. That will happen in ANY relationship....I hope you get the support you need and the answers you want...

Do you honestly think the above responses gives Peepers the right to call us nutcases???

Post edited by: norma, at: 07/21/2008 13:29

Once again, I dont think its right to call anyone a name, I never said that. I said I can understand how peepers feels. Perhaps a better way to put it would be, I understand how or why she feels that way.

The respone given to the orgional post was a little insulting. Speaking from personal experience, my wife has been BP all her life, it was something she was born with, its just the way things are. I understand that now. But right after we were married and the behavior really came out, I can remember thinking "What the F have I gotten myself into?" I didnt know what BP was, never heard of it, and neither had she. It wasnt until she had a experience with one of the kids while I was deployed the she when to the doc and got help, even after being diagnosed, she didnt tell me for months, our marrage was in serious disarray because of BP and she didnt know what to tell me. But she finally did and I thought, thank god, I thought it was me she was angry at all these years.

The response to peepers orgional post makes it seem like she wasnt being supportive when the case maybe that she didnt know (thats what it sounds like to me).

Anyway, like I said. The response sounded a little insulting to me, and I understand why she would feel the way she does. Please dont read that as I agree with calling anyone anything.

People with BP (and other issues for that matter) need to understand that if you want those of us that dont have it to have an open mind and be supportive, then we diserve the same. Its not easy for us in anyway shape or form to be supportive, espically if we dont understand.

Post edited by: ThisBlows, at: 07/21/2008 13:47

Post edited by: ThisBlows, at: 07/21/2008 13:49

I wonder if it is too late to get my birth certificate changed to have NUTCASE...actually, it is starting to grow on me...LOL LOL I kind of like the sound of it. I usually refer to myself as lunatic.

I don't have BP. When I give advice or offer suggestions to post, I tell people what I think. That is what we all do here. Just because someone doesn't agree with it, is irrelevant. They asked, people answered. I don't have to hold people's hand and tell them it's going to be ok, sugar coating it for them - unless I happen think that. I'll be damned if people can come in here, ask for advice - get that advice - which was legit by the way - maybe he really was miserable and that is why he left - the guy hasn't even been diagnosed for goddsakes for all she knows - but then turn around and call someone a nutcase for even caring enough to respond. Not everyone deserves a response. And the whining and crying about what BPs "do" or "don't do" gets old really fast.

I appreciate that you served our country. And I think that you might have been quick to defend someone that didn't necessarily deserve it. I certianly don't think that we as so's of bp's have any right to walk into their (bp's) room and talk about them disrespectfully. Or act as if (and this was the implication from her orginal post) that he was the crazy one and HE left....well....

There have been a lot of posts along those lines. People pretending to want information when all they really want to do is bitch and complain about their so. Worse are the people who start telling women with bp never to have children. This just happened recently.

Actually read the posts. Look at the SO's posts and look at the BPs posts - the majority of BPs that are posting are together, hardworking, educated and funny. The majority of the SOs are whining and complaining. I swear, it's in black and white.

I dont even know how to respond to that, it sounded very hypertical, I'll just leave it at that. If you want to contuine this, then I recommend that we either PM this to each other, or we move to another form like Paul suggested. Your intitled to your opinion (Im not saying that your not), but I think as far as this form is concerned, the horse is dead and we keep beatting it.

Thank you, and Norma too, for your appreciation of my service, although it hasnt always been fun, it has been an honor to serve.