Bipolar in the family Support Group

Today is very weird for a lot of us I am sure of but also tough. I never really cared for valentines day but the fact is I liked it because I love her and I know what it meant to her. She is worth everything to me and when we were together I took for granted those moments of being with one another on a day like today but obviously she is fine while I'm home by myself posting this sad note for all of us to read. You always know that there will always be tough times in life and these times make us who we are today but to really have to go through these times is awful. I hate that I have to lose my wife to a tough illness that she can not control but part of me makes me dislike her greatly even though I do know it is out of her control. At moments in the past weeks she has shown signs of light but dim out real quick and she disappears from me and that is not acceptable to me even though she can't control it but I need a companion for life and she was the one. I know I said these things time and time again but I guess I can't say it enough.

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. I know that you have tried with all your heart and this is painful place to be. One way or another, your situation will resolve itself. I hope that it has a happy ending for both of you.

I'm sorry that this has been a tough day for you.

Damsel

i'm sorry jrlo. what you wrote above hits home for many of us...i'm still asking myself how acceptable it is for me, perhaps you've found the answer for yourself already. "At moments in the past weeks she has shown signs of light but dim out real quick and she disappears from me and that is not acceptable to me even though she can't control it but I need a companion for life and she was the one."

i hope you're finding some peace on this difficult day. what a torturous day society has created, huh? a day devoted to something so many people are without. let's just look at it as sunday, six weeks into the year, getting closer to march, meaning we're almost through winter, and closer to spring!

Bipolar issues or not, I have always hated Valentine's Day.

I agree with you bethb2004. Oddly enough it was my ex who thought highly of Valentine's Day. I think it was because of his desire to be "normal" because everyone else was doing it.

jrlo , I am sorry that today was a tough day for you.

My bf was never good with holidays either he was better when he was stable.

Now he is not as stable as he was when we met He did wish me a Happ valentine's Day via IM because he lives 4 houris away . To me that was good that he acknowledged it .

Today can be hard even though they are here. Sigh... Today I had hoped after so many years of ruined holiday's not just Valentines Day it would be different, It would be better. But in my heart, I knew it wouldn't. He did get me a gift. But the gift came from watching all my boys in the house do for their sweeties. My youngest forced him out of bed, around 1:00 p.m.; they got my debit card and went to WalMart. Oh yeah, as they left I did yell out - Happy Valentines Day and got a grunt. They returned. I was given a large stuffed dog and I quote "Here, Happy Valentine's Day". There was a box of chocolates, but of course that was really for him. He opened it and offered not me a piece but my oldest son who was sitting there.

I too do not like this day. He did ask at one point "what do you want?" My reply "nothing. I would rather forgo Valentines and be treated lovingly for the other 364 days a year". Obviously that was a motivator for him to get me something, for there is no way in hell he was going to give me that gift.

The day is almost over. I look forward to St. Patricks Day now. The day we met....; then it is Easter and for those who saw that thread you know I can't wait for that one. Sigh... Sigh, Triple Sigh...

jrlo - sometimes it doesn't matter whether they are near or far. But like you, I have found myself reflecting on the years when it was special to him. I wonder in hindsight, did I show enough appreciation back then.

Post edited by: sc4070, at: 02/14/2010 06:04 PM

It just stinks and I am starting for the first time today to really ending this completely. I don't know what it is today that I am really suddenly feeling this way but I am still teetering to ending this or not. I do know I realize I deserve a lot more than I am getting and now she is taking me for granted and she will really not know what it will be like until she feels that I am really disappearing and that really stinks. The whole thing just stinks.

How's this for irony? The weekend in October my husband told me I was the cause of all his problems, my Mom asked me to go with her to the Everglades in February. I said yes in spite of the fact that I felt I was dying that weekend. I didn't realize at the time that it was Valentines Day or that he would be gone by the time it came. What a blessing! I woke up this morning, took a 2 and a half hour walk in a very cold swamp with water up to my middle thighs at some parts. I met some fun people and a great guide. Won $40 at a casino. Spent the day with my Mom. It was awesome.

I miss my husband and actually sent him an e-mail this evening asking if he has gotten a new phone number yet. I wanted to reach out to him but I have been worried about putting myself out there to just get slammed down again. His last few e-mails have had a different tone but again I am worried to let my hopes get up. So, here I am moving on and holding on at the same time.