Bipolar in the family Support Group

We are going to be traveling home soon to visit family and friends. And I have only one slight possible dilemma that keeps nagging at me.

Last year after we moved here my sister-in-law (who I am 99.9% sure is BP like my hubby but to the max)came to visit. She is not always pleasant to be around. My husband always said she was evil and manipulative growing up My father-in-law chose to ship her here verses the other brother because they do not always get along. He offered to pay for the home repairs I needed to do when we sold our house. Since I have trouble turning down free money, I took the bait.

The first day and half with her were alright. My husband was away for business and all she did was sleep.

I watched her kid for her when she herself was not a sleep. My niece was almost 3 at the time. When she was awake she spent her time buttering me up, making many comments about my life and how her life was the complete opposite. How nice it was that I was a stay-at-home mom and that she was a single mom, going to college and living on welfare. I can tell you she has been in college since she was 18 and she was 36 last year. On and on and on. Then my hubby got back and she started to get mean. She shoved my oldest son, who was 8 at the time, down the 2 steps by our hot tub because he wasn't sharing with his cousin. She started bossing my husband around and telling him what a sh..y wife I was and that I was no good for nothing and that our kids were horrible. And a slew of things that are just not right to put down in words. The whole weekend was miserable but we sucked it up knowing she would be gone soon.

But the last day when I was going to take her to the airport she attacked my son again saying that he purposely tried to slam the door on his cousins hand. I had enough and told her to go and get herself a cab because there was no way I was going to drive her to the airport. You do not attack my kid!!

Well my mistake, because she came after me like a bat out of he.. and chased me in the house, pinned me down and punched me in the face screaming gosh knows what. The kids were all screaming and crying. When she let me up I grabbed my kids and locked us in my room. She came busting down the door saying we stole her purse and then ran downstairs and broke my door to the garage off of its hinges. When we eventually came out she was gone. After that we decided we were never going to go near her again. I was never so terrified in my life. My kids had never witnessed anything so violent before.

So here is my dilemma, when we stay at the in-laws I do not know if she will stay away from us. I do not think I am ready to forgive her yet and I am scared of her. My in-laws say she is doing much better and seems to be stable. I told my kids it is their choice if they want to see her and that of course they will get to see their cousin at Nana's house. I am afraid to make the family rift worse. My in-laws definitely do not need any added stress from us as they are the ones that get the brunt of her verbal attacks. Maybe I am over worrying this too much. Maybe she hates me so much she will stay away anyway.

What would you do? I know I should be a good person and suck it up but without an apology of any kind and the resentment she has against me makes it hard for me to do.

Hi Mom.

I think you should go, but maybe ask if she can stay away while you visit. Or go, and if she start ANYTHING, just leave, don't let it go too far. Does she live with the in laws, or on her own?

I hate to see the kids, or the in laws, not be able to visit because of her, but you need to be, and feel safe. What does your husband think about it? and does he know about what happened last year?

Whatever you do, keep your son safe, she seems to focus on him and her daughter.

Talk to you soon,

Paul

Wow, Your a better person than I am cause as soon as the trouble started she would have been gone, and as for the violence, well I would have ended that quick, either by calling the police or "handling" it myself. But thats me. That being said, I agree with Paul. You shouldn't let her ruin your visit. Go, but don't take any crap. In my eyes what she did with your son was inexcusable, God help the person that lays hands on one of my kids cause no one else will be able to.

Although its a good idea not to start any family problems, you have to take care of your own. Just my thoughts....

I had to keep my husband away last year, I wouldn't let him come home till she was gone. He would have beaten the cr.. out of her. We didn't call the cops on request of my in-laws. It would have been a huge fiasco with the fact that we live over 2500 miles away from them.

No she doesn't live with them but they watch my niece a lot for her so she is in and out. Honestly I wish this never happened and all was as it was before. I want to forgive her but I don't want her to think that she was in the right.

Mom, is this woman your husband's sister?? If it is why did you keep him away from her when she visited? Why would he stay away?? If he didn't want her at his home, why did you allow her to come? Does your father in law talk to only you, or his son too. If hubby wanted the benefit of the loan too, why was he not there to pay the first installment by having the sister there? This is very confusing to me. I am reading that you make all the decisions and he is just kind of there. His side of the family is just that. His side. He is responsible for the way they treat his family and the respect he should demand for you and his kids. If he can't assure your safety he should not be taking you to see them. I would wait until they came to see their grandkids, without the sister in tow.

Post edited by: morningglory/oldglory, at: 07/12/2008 11:36

No, the decision was made by both of us. Up until then, for the most part we got along with her. My husband and her have been known to disagree and egg each other on (brother/sister immaturity). But at times they could be good friends. When we agreed she could come we had no idea that she would be like this. She has never physically hurt a family member before. Scream and argue, yes, hitting, no. Out of his own choice he has cut off contact with her and it will be his choice if he will ever talk to her again.

He has been wonderful and supportive of my feelings against his sister.

He had no control of being out of town when she first got there, when work says go, you go.

Oh thank you mom. I thought he was gone by choice. You are very brave for even considering going there. I wish you the best of luck and, heck, it may turn out to be a wonderful visit. I hope so....have fun.