Bipolar in the family Support Group

Here is a question, do BP people regularly focus their negative energy on their loved ones and care givers. My ex girlfriend is yet to be diagnosed. She has met a new guy but the relationship seems only to be sexual. We agreed not to have any contact since this development, except that on this sunday just past I would take her to a the state hospital to get diagnosis. This is what transpired this weekend.

The new guy did not contact her at all on the weekend. i was out on a date on saturday night. She sent me a text message asking if I had called her as she had a missed call. I said not and that I was on a date and would see her in the morning. About half an hour later she sent me a message to join her after the date at a nightclub where she was alone. I took my date home and went and met her at the night club because i know her and realised it was a cry for help. She then cried on my shoulder about how this guy had just not responded to her text message that day and she was going to get rid of hi.

The next morning i took her to the hospital, but she took one look at the place and refuised to go in.

So I took her for breakfast. She sat and poured her heart out about the new guy. I gave her advice and she went of to an engadgement party. Whilse she was there I captured on computer the forms she had filled in to prepare for the pdoc visit, sypmtoms, medical history, family medical history, personal info, everything that would help the pdoc make an easier diagnosis. I also called around to find out if there was anyway we could get her admitted to a private hospital and be diagnosed a nd treated on her medical insurance. Eureka! I found a way that would not cost her any money as she has gotten into debt from shopping sprees while in this latest manic episode. I sent her a text message to tell her the good news. She immediately called me and I told her the procedure. I then called her back to tell her I had emailed her the documents I had captured. Her response caught me off guard. She said "please stop calling me and sending me text messages, as it gets my hopes up that its the new guy and then its you."

i was furious and hurt. So I told her to get help herself and not to contact me again. This morning I got a text message saying "I am tired of fighting, you just lay the blame on me, shift the blame as always this is exactly why I left you can never change being nasty to me when you get angry"

I cannot believe how she has twisted this around. I this normal BP behaviour?

When my now-ex-husband was manic he was like this too. He really couldn't understand how his words and actions were affecting others. Due to this he was insensitive and cruel and he twisted everything around. I couldn't reason with him neither could my children (they still cant, it seems he has been more or less manic for 2 years). I guess, you can only wait and hope that she comes back to her senses.

This is the behavior. Until she gets the help she needs,her life and your will be a roller coaster.She should be thankful to have someone

like you to care, They are miserable inside and want everyone around them to be miserable. The ones that are the closest to them,seem to get the blunt end of it. My mom said it was her way to cry out for help.My mom told me that deep down inside she knew she was hurting me, just cound,nt stop. Lithium changed all of that, There is still hope. If you really love her,don't give up on her, She diffently needs a positive person in her life. Wish you the best

Thank you, I really hope that things work out for her. She is a person ordinarily that needs to love someone and this combined with the hypersexuality is a harsh mix on her. I worry that this new guy only wants her as a booty call. But thats really none of my business anymore. I have done all I can to get her to treatment.

Hey AndyB,

Yes that was also my experience as well. I was equally shocked when things were twisted around. I guess it is just part of the epidsode.

It is very puzzling isn't it.

It does seem as if she isn't able to recognize everything you are doing for her and you are obviously going out of your way and being very generous with her.

I would encourage you to set some boundaries yourself and decide how much you are willing to help her.

Also I guess just try to prepare yourself based on the reaction you got from her already that she isn't able to perceive how her comments affect others and seems very lost in her own world.

I can relate to receiving strange behavior from my husband and I hate to assign intention to it because it only makes it hurt worse when I do that myself.

Good luck based let us know how things go here. I hope you can get her the help that she may need.

Damsel

Andy:

"Here is a question, do BP people regularly focus their negative energy on their loved ones and care givers." YES.

"I cannot believe how she has twisted this around. I this normal BP behaviour?" YES.

I answered both questions as to what their behaviour can be when unmedicated.

I've been dealing with a bi polar husband for 10 years and my advice to you is move on with you life, like I am going to do. It will always be you, they are always the victim. My heart is touched by all the research and work you have done. I did the same to no avail. They don't have a problem and I even got to the point that he was hospitalized and took meds. Didn't last but a few months. I don't believe there are very many happily ever afters in this, if you can be with her and give up everything you hoped and wished for, stay. If you have hope and dreams for yourself, forget it.