Bipolar in the family Support Group

Lately I have had a fabulous relationship with my husband's doctor's nurse. My husband goes in and tells his doctor all about his fantasy life he lives, how great he is doing, etc. I then call and relay the ACTUAL facts. As a result he has had his medication changed. He blames me entirely. Claims that if I hadn't called his medications would never be changed, the only reason they were changed were because I called. HA! As if his behavior has nothing to do with things. Does anyone else experience this? My husband is unemployed and often doesn't shower for days. As soon as his appointment arrives, he cleans himself up, puts on a suit, and goes in! Acting as if he is working, and just doing dandy. What is THAT all about?

I dress up for the pdoc too...past a certain point, I can't pretend to be better than I am, but up to a certain point I fake it.

I usually do it because it's embarrassing!!! It's hard to tell someone that you don't feel like showering, that your neighbors are spying on you, that the department secretary is trying to steal your money, etc...so it's best to keep those thoughts to yourself.

Plus, up to a point we really do think we can help ourselves. It's hard to come to terms with the reality that maybe we can't help ourselves...

Anyway, hopefully that gives you some insight.

Funny you should bring up speaking to the husband's doctor, because I have been debating on whether or not I should call his doctor's office and tell them what has been going on. I do not know which doctor he currently goes to, or has gone to last, and I don't even know when he went to the doctor last. Again, I am afraid of the repercussions if he finds out I called.

My husband also gives the impression to everyone that his life is fine and there's nothing wrong with him.

In our state they told me they cannot treat my husband based on anything I say, so yes I called, it didn't do any good.

It was very frustrating.

I'm glad to hear that others are having better results with this. I thought at the time how horrible. Friends and family members are the only one that see how the person is doing yet we can't do anything.

Of course my husband is going to go in and say he's great.

Or downplay any problems he does have.

I wouldn't be surprised if he tells him he's fine, the only thing wrong in my life is my wife!

Damsel

My partner is exactly the same. He would pretend that things were fine with the dr. He forgot to mention that he was drinking, gambling, having anxiety attacks etc. I would call the dr and tell them the real info. My only advise is to be careful with this. Eventually my spouse worked it out and now I can no longer provide information to his dr. If you do give information, make sure they understand its confidential.

Please don't take the blame game that he is placing on you personally (I know, like that is easy to do). When they are depressed or manic they don't know what they are talking about and you made him face a hard truth. Reality os hard for bp individuals to deal with. Take Care of you!

when my wife was 1st diagnosed, she was going completely out of control. the doc gave her meds that made it worse but SHE quite consistently reported to the doc all was well. I would sometimes go with her to see the doc and i was SHOCKED at how she painted the picture (so to speak) and it seemed to me that the doc was believing her!! (I always wonder why the docs don't realize this and DEMAND a 2nd opinion from loved ones etc?) Eventually she tried to paint me as a 'bad guy' but luckily, with much work, i was able to prove otherwise. I have recommended to others to write to the doctor (rather than phone) because you can be much more concise and make sure to sound reasonable via letters. You would be surprised what a letter does to get people's attention, especially if you make them aware that you have sent a copy to YOUR doctor for some accountablity. It is tough dealing with all this!

I am happy to report however that it all eventually worked out for us, my wife is still my wife and we are ok. Once her meds were worked out, things went ok and have been for sometime now. There is hope!

That's great plugginalong.

I think we could all use a little bit of encouragement here.

Damsel

There's this thing called denial. They don't just deny it to others they deny it to themselves. Ive Been There Done That. Now and then they have to totally crash & burn before the reality that they are sick sinks in.

I suffer Bipolar disorder and so does my S.O.

I think denial is the word here. It's much easier to convince someone of something when you believe it yourself. My husband told a therapist that I was over reacting because he got sick from a panic attack once when I left town. ONCE? Are you kidding me? If only. There was one time I was out of town and he called me crying every hour all night long. The other times, he just called in sick to work but didn't call me constantly. The first time was the only time he recognized. I could see in his eyes he really believed it.

I just went to my pdoc yesterday and even though I am in a debillitating depression with suicidal ideation I feel the need to understate my emotions or thought processes. It is called self preservation. People in general can be very judgemental and stereotype BP sufferers as killers etc.. and sometimes I am embarrassed by my own thought processes because I know they can be distorted.

Not to mention that there really is only so much that can be done for BP sufferers in general. My current pdoc told me yesterday that inpatient really wasn't going to help and I have been to see so many therapists so she didn't think I was going to get any more info. I was very forthright yesterday even though I had a hard time looking her in the face as I told her things I would never in a million years tell anyone else not even my husband. All I ended up with is another script to fill and a wait and see attitude. That's all I have been doing for 17yrs(with two misdiagnosis under my belt), wait and see. I will never be CURED and will always have to deal with distorted thinking so sometimes I wonder why I bare my soul to anyone if it really doesn't change anything. Of course all of the above is just my opinion based on my experiences

Post edited by: tinlizzy, at: 01/22/2010 12:36 PM