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01/19/2010 05:39 PM

Having one of those days when everything bothers.

Diona
Posts: 11
Member

my DH. My girls says stop making mountains out of molehills daddy lightheartedly---he lets them say it. If it were me saying it he would not take it very well.

Curious---especially from anyone who has taken the NAMMI classes. Do you feel that you are definitely you family members worst enemy sometimes. It is so hard becuase it is my DH. He just is so irritated by everything I do sometimes. I literally cannot ask him anything or do anything wrong without setting him off on a tirade. He has recently over the last two months started taking Depakote and seems to have these irritable days more often than he did on lithium. Today I said to him do you talk to your co-workers this way. I remember in Nammi they said you are the person they feel they can talk to this way. The person closest to them---WELL IT CERTAINLY DOES NOT MAKE IT EASIER TO TAKE!!! It still wears me down and makes me frustrated that he does not see the way he is overreacting. I am debating whether I should ask him to talk to his doc about it--when it is a good moment or if I should talk to the doc myself and let him bring it up to my DH. The fact that he does next to nothing to relieve stress does not help. He becomes a real vege in the winter which I hate. I have been getting my daughter to play WII bowling with him at night. Anything to exercise.

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01/19/2010 05:57 PM
tinlizzy
Posts: 2378
Senior Member

People with BP Disorder often suffer from SAD(Sunlight Affective Disorder) My father, his mother, his brother, and one of his sisters suffers from SAD even though they are not diagnosed with any other form of BP or unipolar depression. There are light therapy boxes and light therapy lightbulbs that offer some relief for the afflicted which will give the family some relief as well.

Your husband is obviously experiencing distorted thinking and could possibly be experiencing a clinical deppression. Constructive criticism from his children is eye opening and in his mind, from the heart but criticism from you is just that ,criticism. I am sorry your family is going through this. None of you deserve this. Maybe he needs a med tweak until spring arrives. Hope any of this helps.

Liz


01/19/2010 06:42 PM
owutatangledweb
owutatangledwebPosts: 2771
Senior Member

The most important thing is to communicate your observations to his doctor...if he lets you. Only through honest communication can the pdoc tweak his meds. Good luck and keep posting. <HUGS>

01/20/2010 10:58 AM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16968
VIP Member

My husband has been this way off and on especially when he first started the Depakote. It has gotten a bit better over time not that I think you need to just put up with it it's awful!

But what I noticed when we were staying with his parents for a short time this past fall was that he bitched at whoever was around when he got up in the morning. If it was his mom he found something to criticize her about and ran on her til the time he went out the door for work. If it was his dad he complained about something to him. I laid there in bed listening not wanting to get up because it is so unpleasant and he could have easily transfered the anger to me. The biggest part of this is it's just unpleasant to be around, it doesn't seem to make them feel any better it seems to just be a bad habit they get into.

His mom tried to tell me that she notices that he's very stressed about work, I quickly informed her that he does this stuff repeatedly, yeah he gets stressed about work he tells me every single incident that comes up is the determining factor of his success that we cannot live this way 24/7. She got quiet.

So when we got home and he started in with this behavior I confronted him on it, I took a chance.

I told him I was noticing a pattern that when he got up in the morning that he ranted and attacked whoever was there with him, that I had observed him do it with both parents and that indicated to me it wasn't just me! He actually took it pretty well and modified his behavior. I don't know that your husband will respond as well but after years of living with this I think appropriate feedback is an important factor in dealing with them. It may not be effective at all and if it isn't I would never blame the SO. It's going to be based on how much the person can control and desires to control their behavior.

No one enjoys being a doormat and shouldn't have to be.

I don't blame you for your frustration.

Sometimes I've wondered if it would help to tape record or video their behavior towards us. For a functional person that can go to work everyday and have appropriate interaction with others, you would think they could demonstrate a little sensitivity towards their own family.

Damsel

Post edited by: damselndistress, at: 01/20/2010 10:59 AM


01/23/2010 06:42 AM
Diona
Posts: 11
Member

I totally agree with you Damsel---if they are functional and respectful elsewhere then it should be possible at home!

Thanks for your thoughts Smile

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