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12/18/2009 06:11 PM

Bad Night

Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

I am having such a hard time tonight. I didn't sleep well last night and I did a lot of driving around today. I am exhausted and so depressed. I miss my husband so much. I just can't believe this is happening. You would think after 2 months, I would be getting better but today feels like he just left. I know it'll just take time but tonight I am so tired and without any hope. I miss him so much. I just can't stop crying tonight. I am reminded of how sick he was in May with the panic attacks and adjusting to the Pexeva. It was so hard. I though, we just have to get through this and then everything will be OK. But it wasn't. And it's not. I feel so lost. I didn't take my anti-depressant this morning. Maybe that has something to do with it.Dizzy I did it on purpose. I'm going to try to take it in the evening now...
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12/18/2009 06:30 PM
grafxbydiane
grafxbydiane  
Posts: 7846
VIP Member

Mary2009 , I am sorry you are hurting tonight . Yes as you said this will take time . You are grieving for the person that once was but is no longer . I guess that is why it is is difficult for you and anyone.

Do something for yourself this weekend go out have coffee with a friend .


12/18/2009 07:04 PM
cjm1402
 
Posts: 25
Member

Hi Mary, it's been 11 months for me and I still have crying bouts. not as many as I used to have but oncwe in a while now.I thnak God for my pdoc and meds, I was a mess for so long, I don't know how I survived. My soon to be ex is so cold and cruel, nothing like the man I was married to. You will get better, you will get stronger. Go to your dr. and take your meds, they won't take away all the pain but it will help make it livable. Only time will help you heal, but it will happen. One day you will wake up and realize you have survived and that you will be ok. hugs to you.

12/18/2009 07:27 PM
jrlo
Posts: 125
Member

Mary I was just telling a friend of mine yesterday when he had called he had asked me how am I doing because I had not talked to him for about 3 weeks. I said it feels just like yesterday this had happened even though we are approaching about 7 weeks. He was surprised and when I thought of it it is crazy. I think because even though we are trying not to we are pretty much at a stand still wondering what is going on. That is why I just want to get through christmas and new years and see what happens by mid january and if nothing I have to pull the plug on her for good because I cant live this way anymore and that stinks. I just don't know what else to do. I hope you feel better Mary and it stinks but I feel in the same position as you.

12/18/2009 09:49 PM
ceraliz77
ceraliz77  
Posts: 57
Member

I am sorry Hone. I feel the same way. All we can do is take care of ourselves and surround ourselves with friends and family.

12/19/2009 06:25 AM
broken33
broken33  
Posts: 393
Member

Mary, I am so so sorry I understand the kind of pain you are in (I think most of us here do). Nothing anyone says or does will take that pain away from you and that is the hardest part. Don't feel bad because it has been two months and you are feeling this way, two months is a very short time. It has been several months for me and the other day I hurt so bad and cried so much death would have been easier. Of course you miss your husband, you love and you don't have BP so you can't turn that love on and off like a switch. I do hope today is better day for you.

12/19/2009 07:55 AM
Mary2009
Mary2009  
Posts: 685
Member

Thanks everyone. Last night was another “first time” since he left occasion. I'm sure that was the biggest part of my mood. Much better today! I'm going to be spending time with my wonderful nephews.

12/19/2009 08:34 AM
ceraliz77
ceraliz77  
Posts: 57
Member

good to hear

12/20/2009 12:04 AM
Lena
LenaPosts: 578
Member

Mary, when our manic-crises started almost two years ago I went to see a psychiatrist once or twice a week. I was in shock, my whole world was crashing down. The psychiatrist told me to fight for my life. She told me over and over again that with manic husband while me waiting him "to get back to his senses" things would only be getting worse for me. So it happened ... I didn't believe her fast enough. I was in shock and I was in denial, I could not believe that my own husband was there to destroy me and our whole family - financially and emotionally. Well, I finally took an attorney. It was the wisest thing I did during this horrific time.

The psychiatrist gave me anti-depressants too. She recommended that i should take them as long as the crises is bad. I had to move long distance after our house was sold, I had to find a new job, I had to begin with a whole new life. Without the anti-depressants I don't know if I would have made it till here. I don't take any meds anymore. Now I am a little bit stronger. I have a roof above my head - and I have a job. But I feel like I have been fighting for my very existence and I am still very exhausted. The psychiatrist was right about everything ... You can't trust a manic person at all. So, take care of YOU!

Post edited by: Lena, at: 12/20/2009 12:08 AM

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