Bipolar in the family Support Group

Today I am feeling extra sad, angry, resentful and just darn right tired. In a couple of days it will officially be 2 months since my BP husband left me in a rage because I “embarrassed, humiliated, and emasculated” him by taking him to a Psych ER with what he called “crazy people” and told the intake person things that he has said and done. He has since had an affair with an ex-girlfriend and has filed for divorce. I have no idea where he is living and he has blocked all of my phone numbers so that I can’t call him. He refuses to talk to me because he says he has nothing to say to me and that he is still too angry. He sent me a 10 reasons why email that outlines that he isn’t attracted to me anymore and that he isn’t in love anymore and that he doesn’t like who is with me among other reasons like he hates my family. He is angry because I have talked to his family and friends – he has refused to talk to his family and friends. He only communicates with them via text messaging if at all. He basically told his cousin that even if he is making the wrong decision to divorce me, he won’t regret it.

The hurt and pain that I feel is immeasurable. Just when I think I can’t cry one more tear, the flood gates open. I am going to try and fight the divorce, but I don’t think it will really matter. Unfortunately, I didn’t protect myself financially or emotionally. He basically spent all of my money, ruined my credit, left me with all of our personal and business obligations and stripped me of my self-esteem. I don’t know where the man I married is? He is incomplete denial that he is bipolar.

I am trying to stay true to my vows, but on days like to day I wonder just what I am fighting for. On days like to day, I wish that I could forget him like he has forgotten me.

iamstillstanding, The feelings you have are valid ones . You have a right to feel this way . Unfortunately he will only talk to those that one his terms that he can manipulate due to his illness . There fore unless he gets help with this there is no hope at all.

Thanks for your response. This is a hard pill to swallow. This illness wrecks lives and leaves you feeling powerless!

iamstillstanding - not only are the feelings valid, they are unfortunately all to common for those of us which have dealt with the gut wrenching reality of this disorder.

Sometimes people have to be let go, even if we believe we can help them. Meds help many, but sometimes these disease is stronger than the person. I am fairly certain I have walked through the gates of hell dealing with my husband. You can't reason, rationalize it or comprehend it. The more I cried, begged, pleaded, took bull by horns, the worse it became. Only when I chose to let go and move on did anything change. Truthfully, I was moving on. It was not a show to lure him back, it just turned out the more I moved on the more he was drawn back.

It was with this new found strength I realized I could move on and if I were to stay he would have to accept and adhere to certain guidelines (boundaries).

Work on finding yourself. Don't let this illness define you. There is no guarantees how it will end but you need to find the strength in yourself to move in whichever direction comes your way.

Mine has shown outward anger, physical anger, covert anger. His moods were wide and varied - but always in denial. It took a long time to get where we are today. But I know in my heart, whatever happens in the future I will be ok - with or without him. The man I married is there, deep inside; but if that is not who I can live with then my vows do not count. If he refuses help, you cannot help. It is frustrating as they seem fine on the outside, but are ill on the inside. Yet, unless they are a threat to themselves or someone else we are powerless. Self destruction of family, home, finances doesn't count towards the "harm" category.

It is a hard pill to swallow, especially knowing if they would swallow a few simple pills things could be better.

Letting go seems to be one of the hardest things for me to do. I keep going over in my head - what I should have and could have done differently. You see, when he shared his diagnosis at first - all I heard was mood swings and depression. I didn't really understand that manic depression was bipolar until his brother was diagnosed and hospitalized. I didn't reach out to understand the disorder until it was too late. I feel like that I handled this all wrong.

I keep blaming myself thinking - maybe if I hadn't gotten depressed myself or become codependent that he'd still be here. I keep beating myself up for allowing him to ruin my credit and spend all of our money. When I would bring up money - he said that I just made him feel less than a man because I made more money than he did. Even though I know the truth, I sometimes still struggle with "his version" of the truth because he has blamed me and my family for everything. He has gone so far as to say that my mother's smoking affects the way he feels about me. Because I had gotten so wrapped up in what he thought and how he felt, I began to be extra sensitive about my mother's smoking.

I know I God will give me the strength to let go. I just got to do it!

You can not blame yourself for anything. I did the same thing. Became co-dependent and did everything wrong. But a Dr who has dealt with BP in her personal and professional life told me that it did not matter what I did or did not do. This would have happened not matter what. It might have happened soon or later, but it would have happened. BP is to blame not you. We can not fix them. We have been manipulated by them because they must manipulate in oder to survive while they are sick. My husband is a “nice” guy, so he had to make me the bad one in order to leave. Understanding it does not make it any less painful now but I'm hoping in time it will.

Mary2009-Thanks a lot. It is really tough not to keep going over all of this in my mind. I briefly read your story. How are you now...if you don't mind my asking? Does he communicate with you?

Not much has changed. He will talk to me if I call but I have only called twice. I can't stand to hear him talk to me like I'm nothing to him. He responds to most direct questions in E-mail. I have gotten a financial settlement from my lawyer. I am hoping he signs it. With that, I should be able to separate my finances from him and save our home. If he does, I think I will be more aggressive. Sending him a letter challenging what happened and include copies of cards he gave me. I also intent to send e-mails to his Mom, sister and two friends who live near where he is now. He will be furious to find out that I shared details of his mental health history and personal information but right now I think my concern for his safety out way that. If he doesn't sign it, I'll let the house go into foreclosure and still send everything. I won't be held hostage to his moods any longer. I don't know if any of it will help but I have to try.

That's funny. I am actually going to ask my attorney about seeing what I can do to mention his condition and see what the judge will do about sending us or at least him to counseling.

He is angry at me for even talking to his family and friends saying that I am a "ridiculous" and I don't know what privacy means. He just wants to keep his facade going as long as can. If he spent half of that energy dealing with his issues, we won't be here.

I came on this page and had to say thank you I felt so alone in what im going through but your story is identical to what my husband has said. We have four children been married 13 years when our baby turned one month old on 10-2-2009 he woke up said I want a divorce and left and went to Texas he has changed his number seveal times and I have found it. After two in a half weeks I by pure luck got his number and left a message. He sent me a text saying he wants a divorce so file. Not only that but my