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01/14/2013 09:17 PM

Dealing with a bipolar alcoholic mother

MKB6093
 
Posts: 6
New Member

i have known my whole life my mother has been mentally ill. as i have gotten older (now 19 and in college) she has started to turn her rage, sadness, anxiety etc. onto me more. i left for boarding school in highschool to escape her mood swings and the fights they would cause. recently money has become an issue in my family and she constantly points out how i spent all the money on my education (which is not true). this is hard for me because if i knew of how it would effect my family i would never have chosen the schools ive gone to and now im always reminded of how i have hurt the family and how i am very ungrateful for what they have given me. this is not true however, i am so thankful and grateful of everything they have given me, its just hard to show it when everytime i come home my mother is having an episode. when she gets in her moods i cant help but get upset as well, thus she believes im a horrible person. its starting to really effect me and who i want to be. i know she doesnt mean what she says (or i hope so) but when youre constantly told youre an ungrateful bitch its hard to be happy and loving. its hard to talk to people about this because none of my friends have a mother like mine. all i want is to have a mother, one that i can fully and truly love.
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01/16/2013 01:07 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
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I'm an Advocate

Does your mom take medications, see a psychiatrist, and a therapist? If she does take medications, they sound like they need to be adjusted. She should inform her doctor on how she is feeling. I'm sorry you get treated so badly. That must be hard to live with. It's not right that she is saying things about your schooling. She didn't have a problem with it at the time and it's not your fault that you went to school. You need your education. I'm sure you get very upset when she is in a mood. Especially with all that she says to you. You have come to a place that is great. I hope you love it as much as I do here. This site is wonderful for support and we will be here to support you and listen. I hope things get better and please keep us posted on how you are doing. Welcome to the group!

01/28/2013 06:05 PM
MKB6093
 
Posts: 6
New Member

sorry i have not replied. i find it hard to talk and really think about the situation im in. my mother does see a psychiatrist regularly and has been on many different medications. it wasnt until my sophomore year in highschool did i start remembering and realizing what was wrong with my mother. i think i made my self forget a lot that happened when i was little. now time has passed and i pretty much remember everything. i remeber visiting my mother at the rehab/mental hospital twice, i remeber how she got a DWI and lost her license, i remember coming home from school the day after my birthday to find my dad home early from work because my mother had been found passed out in her own throw up after she tried attempting another suiced. i think the hardest thing is that she tries to pretend nothing has happened, that she never went to the hospitals and never took a whole bottle of sleeping pills followed by a bottle of vodka. i feel like if she would just admit to me that she is sick then things could actually get better. but every time i try to mention it, every time i try to ask her to put herself in my shoes she breaks down again. she tells me im a selfish bitch and that im the worst child shes ever had. she stops being a mother and the cycle continues. maybe shell be in these moods for days, weeks, months, sometimes years. she will ignore anything i have to say, she will yell at me, victimize herself. and literally shell wake up one day and be the best mom in the world. like the other day i went back to college and we werent talking, she was really mad at me because i asked her something about dinner. and then today i get a care package with all my favorite snacks and medicine because i told my dad i had a cold and all these valentine cards and its just so hard to deal with this roller coaster of emotions.

01/28/2013 11:38 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11198
Group Leader

You are NOT a "selfish bitch"---You are a 19 year old kid for God's sake!

You are the "worst child she ever had?" What do her other kids say?

It sounds like your mother is NOT on psych meds....and she is CERTAINLY not stable,


09/13/2013 08:09 PM
WorldHelp
Posts: 1
New Member

I have a bipolar alcoholic mother as well. The conflict between my family members seems to change everyday, but mainly focusing on my dad. I've never had a place to talk to someone other than my dad and brother, but my brother has the same ideas I do, therefore we don't make much progress.My dad just doesn't want to talk about it. My mother tends to go out every weekend to drink, and as hard as we try to, she never stops. She is on medication, but she refuses to do anything but that. No psychiatrist or anything. I want to take all my anger out on her, because, well, why not? She spends the last of our money, she made my dad get diagnosed with depression. She made my brother suffer like I did for ten more years than me. She is constantly bullying us, and, not to mention, she has a horrible and twisted humor,and the whole time I'm struggling with school.But deep on the inside I know I can't. Her mom was 10 times worse than her. My mother went through 3 adoption agencies, her dad abandoned her, and the whole time she was separated from her brothers off and on.Now, one of her brothers is a drug addict, and another one was murdered. So I feel your pain, but the best way to deal with it is to try to learn your mom's background. Try seeing the world from her point of view. See how it goes...good luck!-Cheerful

09/13/2013 09:59 PM
1Lastwish
1Lastwish  
Posts: 2020
Group Leader

I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with your mom WorldHelp. Alcohol and bipolar and other addictions are common. So many people feel that the alcohol and drugs will "help control" the bipolar and all it does is make it worse. Think of it this way, she takes an antidepressant which helps elevate her mood and then drinks alcohol which is a depressant, so in effect, they cancel each other out. I don't blame you and your brother for being angry at her for her behaviors, even if you do understand your mom's background and history, it still is a crappy way to treat your kids. I'm sure your Dad tries to help the best he can, but I don't know how much she blames him for things and makes him feel like it's all his fault. Have your or your brother checked out different groups for teens with alcoholic parents. (AL-ANON and here's their website http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/?OpenView )

I know this website also offers different support groups for alcoholics as well. Are you in high school, college, or a other program? I'm sorry you are dealing with so much, but please feel free to vent away here. If you have any questions or want to IM, I'm just a message away. Take care of yourself.

Post edited by: 1Lastwish, at: 09/13/2013 10:00 PM


09/13/2013 10:02 PM
1Lastwish
1Lastwish  
Posts: 2020
Group Leader

Here's one on alcoholism here on MD J.

http://www.mdjunction.com/alcoholism


09/15/2013 10:54 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11198
Group Leader

Worldhelp, Welcome to the group!

I cannot recommend enough Al-Anon. Anyone living with an addict will benefit from this in-person support group and Al-Anon also helps other people who are just trying to get away from familiar dysfunctions.......


11/12/2013 11:14 AM
Omnislash
Posts: 3
New Member

I'm 36 with a bi-polar Mom and my stepdad just passed. I know what you are going thru and your not alone. Everyone does them wrong and they can never be wrong. They truly hate themselves and project it upon you. This is not your fault.

11/12/2013 08:44 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11198
Group Leader

@Omnislash, Welcome to the group. I am sorry for your loss.

Is your mom medicated? It sounds like she is not.

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