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02/23/2010 09:34 AM

Can BP's truly feel love? Give love?(page 8)

OTCH05
OTCH05  
Posts: 87
Member

I would just like to add my personal experience. I don't know if these things relate to bipolar or not. It is just my personal observation from my own relationship.

I think the problem in my relationship was we both had different expectations of how to show our love for the other. We showed our love in our way and expected it to be returned in the same way. My ex was very physically affectionate. When he was showing his love he'd always be touching me, holding my hand, kissing me...which was nice but to me it didn't show me how he truly felt about me. I needed him to listen to me, to communicate with me, to show affection on an emotional level. He would always complain that I never kissed him enough or touched him enough-especially in public. This is why both of us had trouble feeling the love that we felt for each other.

To me it was like he wanted to "show" everyone else in the world that he loves me and I love him because we're holding hands walking down the street together. He would always get jealous when there was another couple around who were being publicly physically affectionate. He wanted to make it seem like we were the "happy couple" when in reality we had issues that needed to be dealt with. I wanted to be that happy couple on the street too, but I didn't want to pretend. I wanted to BE that good together. I told him if he would open up to me more emotionally, I would naturally feel more comfortable being more physically close. He told me if we were more physically close, he would be more comfortable being emotionally close. I feel like I was the one who made more of an effort to be close in his way than he did in mine. But however much I moved out of my comfort zone, it was never enough for him to make more of an emotional leap. So I felt like I was giving and giving and giving and not getting any reciprocation. So I felt unloved.

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02/23/2010 11:42 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

OTCH: I think you just described 95% of the relationship problems in the world--two people with different expectations of how to express love.
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02/23/2010 11:47 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Hey, Lizzy. Even after 20 years, I have always known that my husband loves me. It's just a whole lot easier now that he's med compliant....Wink
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02/23/2010 11:58 AM
OTCH05
OTCH05  
Posts: 87
Member

Warhorse, actually the more I think about it, it's probably more of a male-female thing as opposed to bp-non bp.
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02/23/2010 12:20 PM
Lena
LenaPosts: 578
Member

OTCH05 what ever it is, you just described my relationship with my now-ex-bipolar-husband perfectly too.
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02/23/2010 01:02 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

OTCH: I agree with you... Throw BP into the mix and it just muddies up the water even more...
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02/23/2010 01:43 PM
OTCH05
OTCH05  
Posts: 87
Member

I hear ya Tongue
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02/23/2010 04:23 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16953
VIP Member

Here comes Damsel with the book reference for anyone with spare time

5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

anybody heard of it or read it?

The five love languages are

Words of Affirmation

Quality time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

If you go to the website they have a test to take for you to see what your love language is.Kissing

Damsel

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02/23/2010 04:34 PM
ohfaithful

Spare time, I'm just amazed that this thread is still kicking...

Faith

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02/23/2010 05:26 PM
broken33
broken33  
Posts: 393
Member

sc4070, sorry for all that you are dealing with, you have every right to vent. Maybe you should not give up your stuff so he can have a boat. Maybe if he wants a boat he should earn it. I know your husband does not work but he certainly can do things around the house to help you out.
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