Bipolar in the family Support Group

My husband was diagnosed just a few years ago only because I took him to our Dr. and discussed what could be causing the moods to change so rapidly let alone all the financial trouble we were in. Once he was diagnosed the Dr. asked my husband to be in a Seriquil study. I told my husband that this was his decision and he said yes. Once in the study for a bit the Dr. told him that if he didn't have a certain amount in him that he couldn't be in the study and said he needed to increase his dose, that he did from 400mg right to 1000mg. You can't even imagine what that did, he was a mess and just wanted to die, needless to say he had to stop taking this medication and his faith with these Dr.'s was ruined.I should tell you that my husbands uncle committed suicide the year our son was born due to his wife asking for divorce because she had finally gotten to her breaking point. I have just recently gone and talked to his ex wife only to find out that the entire family had definately left out a lot of important details around his codition. This would be my husbands mothers brother. They blamed everything on either his ex wife or the Dr.s. DENIAL My husband will tell you that he knows he is the same as his mother so what do you think that means, she has it too. I have been told that most of that side of the family does and they are all just sweeping anything under the carpet cause we all know how taboo having a mental illness is. So, my husband has no support from his family other than , why don't you call or come and see us. My husband is angry because he says he knows his behavior growing up was extreme yet his parents did nothing. Well it has been a rough road because he wouldn't see a Dr but he would take his meds. Then would come the change and I would have to call and get them adjusted again. This has happened so many times and I have two children, one from my first marriage and one from my current husband. Now comes the rest, my daughter is 16 and has anxiety disorder due to an abusive girlfriend my ex had. We have been working with a facility to help her and she has done well and will start high school in sept again. Then I we have our son who just turned 8 and last year he was diagnosed with ODD. We are finall seeing a specialist next tuesday for help although he was given meds to help and they helped a lot. Getting back to my hubby, we just went to see our Dr due to meds needing to be changed again and it is always hell for a while as you all know but today was the worst. I have told him that if he doesn't do what he needs to for his condition and his family then I will have no other choice but to leave. Well it got so bad today due to all the beer he drank that I couldn't take any more so I decided to vent my anger where I felt it should go. I have called his parents who live 15 min away yet have only been to our home 2 times in 6 years (do they avoid there son just like the condition)yes, so his father answered and I was very emotional and told him that I could no longer stay with his son for my childrens sake and for my own. I told him that his son should have had treatment many years ago and they did nothing, now my family suffers and they are no support at all. I remember not too long ago I called because I was taking a lot from him and I didn't know what to do and his mother asked me what the hell do you want me to do about it? It crushed me because no matter how old my children are, I will always be supportive no matter what. I explained a lot to his dad and told him that I see what his wife does to him and her son is a split image of her, yet she is in denial. I know I am really really strong but when you have someone downing every word you say and try to twist everything to be my fault, you really start to wonder. Yet after a while I realize that I am not at fault for anything but loving him and trying to keep the peace in our family. Well his father now wants to come and see him, why , well Im sure only to give a lecture and that won't go over well. They are not educated and don't have any intention on it. They are embarassed of their son and my hubby says it has been that way all his life, go figure.. Mental illness for some is still a bad word. So once again the Im sorry for what I said and did, till tomorrow. I am the one that feels numb now. I have such a fear of how this is affecting the children and that makes me feel like such a bad parent, yet I don't want to leave him because I do love him. It is so confusing .

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. There are many here that can relate to your story. I have found it to be a very supportive group.

It must be so hard for your husband to face his illness when he has been made to feel ashamed of it all his life. I have pulled away from my inlaws recently for the same reason - that they look at mental illness as a weakness.

Your husband is lucky to have you, because you understand. He probably needs counseling to deal with accepting his illness, though, and it sounds like he is not open to it. It will be hard to relearn the ideas he was taught as a child. You did say he is taking meds? But with all the drinking, they might not have a chance to work properly. The only advice I can give is to try to assure him that it is like any other illness (he wouldn't be embarrassed to have cancer, would he?), and that there is help if he is willing to try it.

Hugs,

Terri