I wish I could say things have gotten better and that it would be worth staying and working even harder than before on the relationship, but I would be lying. Things are the same ole same ole and he's even started smoking pot again, not a lot, but to smoke it at all is not a good sign. There are only a few things I want that are in the house and I know he will put up a fight. Thankfully he works on the weekends and I can do most of my moving then.

I'm scared, sad, apprehensive, excited and above all, riddle with anxiety. I'm worried about my kids and how they will respond to being removed from the house. Will they be upset with me? Will they think I'm a quitter? Most of all I worry about how he will handle the news since he is oblivious at the moment. He sees no warning signs. He doesn't remember the talk we had about July. He honestly believes are marraige is stronger than ever, especially since we went out for our 11th anniversary a few weeks ago. I know I've been misleading him, but I would rather live my life as normal as possible until the last possible moment. If he knew how I really felt and what I was planning my life would be hell or he would have be the most adoring man and made it impossible to leave.

Just had to get this off my mind and put it somewhere others would understand it.

The last 10 years we were married,(20 altogether), he went to work, came home and went to sleep on the couch, got up and went to bed, got up and went to work...etc,etc,etc. We talked about it, we talked about it, we talked about it...for 10 years,,,then he had an affair......needless to say, I was outta there! lol I know it was half my fault, because I was not a stepford wife, lol (imagine that) lol...It's hard to leave, but often harder to stay.

Love

Gloria

Focus on the excited part. I know exactly what you mean by that too. That freedom that comes with living your own life on your terms. You can't say you didn't try. You did what you could but you can't fight a lone. If both people in the relationship aren't fighting together - I don't believe it will work. It will for short periods of need.

If that makes sense. It is always a give and take and needs to be evened out in the end.

Trust your gut. You can do it. You deserve better and so do your kids.

Kids are alot tougher than we give them credit for. And it has been my experience that that although they may give you a hard time in the beginning....(after all, change is scary), they will admire you for being strong enough to leave a bad situation, and that you were brave enough to make a better one for all.

My worst days now are still better than any day I had living with my unstable ex....at least I know that I am in control, so if my day sucks, I can only blame myself. Best of luck!

But you know what? Maybe it's time for a shakeup. May seem like an enormous waste of time, effort and money for you to leave, but it just might be his final wakeup call. If he doesn't respond to you doing this, then you know you did the right thing. It will be the right thing to do, either way.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

P.S. Bejeweled--I am trotting around today following you and agreeing with what you are saying.

Only you know when enough is enough. If it's the same old, same old, you should't have to "work harder" to make the relationship work. It takes 2 to make any relationship work.

Whatever you decide to do, we will support you. Let us know how thing go this weekend. I'm sending you a (((HUGE HUG)))) to give you the strength to do whatever is best for you and your children.

Sincerely,

Paul