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03/14/2012 01:36 AM

TRUST

ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
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Hey -- Turns out I have major trust issues. I can barely trust anyone. I had a trust issue with my therapist and I've been working with her for 8 years!

How do you come to trust people again?

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03/14/2012 06:10 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42707
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I'm an Advocate

In my personal experience I have found no easy way to do it. Having had my heart stomped on enough times caused me to stay at arms length from people, but that wasn't the answer. It left me lonely and without someone with whom I could share my thoughts and feelings with. There is always risk in relationships. What I do is spend time with someone and try to get a feel for how trustworthy and kindhearted they are. The two qualities I believe are necessary for me to trust them with my heart. Does it always work? Unfortunately, no, I have had still had to walk away from a few relationships smarting from the sting of rejection and feeling a fool. BUT, for the greater part I have found that if I am willing to risk, I am given the gift of a new trusted relationship. I just have to be willing to step out and take the risk.

03/14/2012 08:42 AM
cptblack
cptblack  
Posts: 12381
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I've always had trust issues as long as I can remember. I might give someone a little trust. Then I see if they use it wisely. If they do I give them more. If they break my trust I lose all trust in them and they better be ready to accept that and work their @$$es off to earn the least little bit.

But that is just me.


03/14/2012 08:58 AM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
VIP Member

Regarding men, a disturbing pattern has emerged -- is it because I used to be a therapist? -- I'll be dating a guy and eventually let him know about my bipolar, because it's the right time and the good thing to do. Meanwhile I assume he's "normal" and it's only towards the end of the relationship that I find out he's had a serious (serious, scary, unmedicated) mental illness as well. 8-9 years ago a relationship ended when a guy became psychotic, watching me sleep, furious because he thought I was cheating on him. I will never get over that and will never allow men to stay over. I still can't even have friends spend the night. Still. Since then the non medicated mentally ill guys seem to flock to me. I feel like I can't even trust my own judgment any more. This is a huge part of my PTSD.

After 8 years my therapist and I are finally zeroing in on TRUST. I was getting the idea that I wasn't being a good client, that she didn't like me, and that she was going to dump me. I was very upset with these thoughts. So I learned she's not going to dump me, that I was doing a lot of projection. I was freaking out after seeing her twice a week for 8 years! If I can't trust her, who CAN I trust?!?

Not trusting has led to isolation. I don't get too close, I'm not overly affectionate, I don't make chit-chat with store clerks or say much about myself. I do so many things on my own. I'm not just concerned that someone will dump me or hurt my feelings, I actually fear for my safety. I cannot describe how it felt to have someone raging, staring at me while I slept and was at my most vulnerable. If his brain had been just a little bit different that night, he could have attacked me, hurt me, totally freaked me out, or even killed me. 8 years in therapy have not made this tremendous fear go away. I'm afraid I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, and I don't deserve to!!!

Zadie

Post edited by: ZadieBlue, at: 03/14/2012 09:03 AM


03/14/2012 06:28 PM
pirateprincess421
pirateprincess421  
Posts: 31179
VIP Member

Certain people I trust. In fact I'm too trusting of a person. It has gotten me into many difficult situations. I'm learning to not trust someone that much.

03/24/2012 07:13 PM
geminicat
 
Posts: 77
Member

I used to trust everyone...now I trust no one...it sucks. I am a very trustworthy person so to be so negative really hurts, but everyone that has been in my life, even my family has shown me they can't be totally trusted...even my boyfriend who I am thinking about marrying. I trust him on many levels but not 100 percent. I need to find balance.

03/31/2012 06:07 AM
lj80
Posts: 354
Member

well ZadieBlue I can totally understand what you are going through. MY ex wife in therapy revealed that she would lay there at night and try to figure out how to kill me and get away with it.

Cruising forward to my seperation from this woman and I was sleeping one night and something made me wake up and I found my ex wife standing at the foot of my bed with this look on her face. I truly beleive that she would have killed me if she thought she would get away with it.

I really think I attract them. In my dating days I attract three types: the one that just broke up with her man, the one that has a man but won't tell me and the one that is just plain crazy.

trust is impossible for me in all senses of the word.


04/04/2012 09:56 AM
stevesayshi
stevesayshi  
Posts: 659
Member

Trust, For me is very hard to do, I have been taken advantage of one too many times. Which tends to make me isolate myself. I have recently started to climb out of my shell, I am actually visiting new friends. I still don't trust them but I need to socialize.I don't even trust myself, I usually trust people to do what they want. I know this is no help, but I wanted to say hi.

04/05/2012 07:09 AM
cptblack
cptblack  
Posts: 12381
VIP Member

Hi Steve. Trust is hard to give. But you have to give someone just a little to see what they do with it. If they screw it up they lose it. If they use it wisely try giving just a little more. Repete.
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