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07/30/2011 11:40 AM

Can't deal

feelsbad2
feelsbad2  
Posts: 35
Member

I was diagnosed B2 and PTSD a couple of weeks ago after I took of to Amsterdam on a whim and was attacked and raped. This is not the first time I have done something impulsive in fact It seems I've been that way most of my life. This time it almost got me killed. In a way I wish it would have. The depression I have suffered over the years has been terrible as well. I have tried to commit suicide twice, and my daughter who is 21 hasn't spoken to me in 6 years. Now the meds are kicking in and I have so much remorse for the things I've done and the people I have either hurt or disappointed. The guilt is killing me, I just don't know if I can ever rebuild my life or ever forgive myself, it is making me very depressed and hopeless, I feel like giving up. Please, if anyone has gone through this or these same feeling HELP!
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07/30/2011 02:10 PM
cptblack
cptblack  
Posts: 12381
VIP Member

Welcome to the group.

The original diagnosis for either condition is hard to accept at first. But you now know what is going on now and why these things were happening to you. Bipolar can lead to risky and what later seems 'out of character' behavior.

But now that you know what's going on as far as your condition you should know you can seek help. And then you came here so you can obviously see there are lterally hundreds or thousands of others dealing with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. And we are here for you to lean on and give you support and advice.

Bipolar stems from a chemical imbalance and it can usally be treated with chemicals, (medications) and therapy. And The same can help with PTSD. I've was diagnosed with BPD 15 years or so ago and I've been stable on the same meds and dosage for the last 4 years. And I've learned to avoid a lot of 'triggers' for PTSD over the years.

Forgiving yourself for mistakes is hard, But I've learned while I was doing it I was not totally in control of myself and not totally to blame.

As for your child. My oldest son has avoided me for the last 13 years. I made a false accusation while in a manic state and he has never forgiven me. I have appologized several times, but now I figure the ball is in his court. It is his decision to make and no matter how it hurts me I must live with it. At least I raised him well and he is doing well.

Keep coming back and feel free to PM me or any other Group Leader any time you want. We are pulling for you.


07/30/2011 02:18 PM
feelsbad2
feelsbad2  
Posts: 35
Member

OMG! all of these wonderful, inspiring people, responding so soon. I just can't hardly believe it. I'm so emotional, but I am feeling hope thanks to you all!
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