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Not the family I thought I knew


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03/19/2008 18:53
Peace4Rach
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 I'm afraid I'll never get my family back again. What my dad has done pushing the relationship he's having is so painful. It's eating me alive and I'm stuck and unable to grieve for mom. Feels like dad has abandoned me and my siblings. We've told him our feelings and he don't care. He appears to want to begin a life with her. We're not ready for her. As I mentioned, my mom's death was unexpected. Did not even get to say goodbye. She was unconscious on life support. Why can't he see our pain? Doesn't he understand how painful it is to see our dad, who was with our mom for 40 years with another woman? To see and hear this woman laughing and joking wih my dad and knowing I'll never hear my mom laugh again. I feel dead sometimes and I think a part of me did die when my mom died. But I cannot fill this void. I cannot get a new mom and don't want one. My dad can fill this void. But what about me? What about my siblings? What about the family we once were. It's gone without my mom. It's not the same. Why couldn't my dad be more sensitive to our family's loss and not just his own?

Post edited by: Rachele01, at: 03/19/2008 20:57
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03/19/2008 19:25
singingangel
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 I am so sorry that your dad is not being understanding. Maybe when he really sees what he is doing he will change his mind. I think you are right to stick to your feelings. We are here and believe you are right in what you did. Talking to him was the right thing. He is just being self centered. It is hurtful for him not to consider your feelings. A part of does die with our loved one. I have chosen to fill the void by doing more things like my mom. I realized when thinking of her life how many areas I was like her in. I hope you can find a way to taken that void and fill with with something like that. Your dad will see has lost a lot especially if siblings and you stay away. Maybe you and siblings could do more together. Biggest hugs and a shoulder for you.
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03/20/2008 16:48
southern10
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 Rachel,So sorry you are going through this right now...We all handle grief in our own way? you take care of you and your siblings and he will come to realize what he has done..... We are here for you,,,Hugs

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03/21/2008 09:07
Jenna4849
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 Hi,Rachel I was wondering if your Dad ever showed his emotions ? If he didn't I have a thought I might be wrong I was thinking maybe he has trouble dealing with missing your Mom and he's trying to fill in the void and mask all his grief with this new woman because he doesn't want to tell you how he feels he see's it as weakness a sissy .If this is what he's doing he needs to deal with it masking it and trying to hide from it will only make it worse .You need to take care of your self and your siblings right now and if you need a shoulder to lean on I'm here your in my thoughts and prayers .I wish I could have said or do something that could help you .Take care and God bless you
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03/21/2008 10:53
singingangel
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 We are thinking of you Rachel. I think Dad is trying to pretend that nothing happened. Sooner or later his real feelings will come out.

Biggest hugs and shoulder

Lori
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03/21/2008 18:38
Peace4Rach
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 Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I think some of you are right about my dad masking his grief. He does show his sadness and cry but the pain and void is so great he feels he needs to fill that void and she is doing that for him now. The thing is we, his children are grieving our mother and it's just too painful to be in the prescence of another woman. Its so recent for us.
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03/21/2008 19:53
singingangel
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 You just are going to have to leave him be when he is with her. You need to lay down your boundaries. You need to grieve with siblings. We completely support you.

biggest hugs

Lori
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03/22/2008 04:06
Snoopy30
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 I agree with the others you need to stick with your siblings. Be there for him on a one on one bases if he wants but make it clear you just can't deal with this other woman yet. The purpose is not to cause further stress between you and your dad but to allow everyone the time they need to grieve.
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03/22/2008 10:01
Peace4Rach
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 Angel and Jenna: Thanks so much for your support. You're both right! I have set the boundaries and will have to be strong and hold him to these boundaries. It's hard but it's what I need to do. My Dad has said she will not be there on Easter the same time as me and my family but I can't trust it. It's happened before where she just won't leave our family alone. I will do my thing in memorance OF my mother and try to do the things I always had like serving the desssert. But if it means I have to cut the visit short with the other woman there, than that's what I'll have to do.
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03/22/2008 10:05
Peace4Rach
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 Sorry Snooopy, I meant to include you in the above post. Thank you!
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