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05/22/2009 07:39 AM

Lost husband on Mothers' Day

cathlabrep
cathlabrep  
Posts: 13
Member

I lost my husband to bile duct cancer on may 10, 2009. My daughter has been with me but left to go back to her life in N>J> this morning. It's the first I've been alone since Charles died. I feel so alone. Cry at the silliest thing. Locked keys in car yesterday and cried because I couldn't call Char. Luckily I have AAA. So now its just me and the kitties. Not sure when I should attempt to go back to work. I've been off since April to care for him at home . Don't want to go back and sit and cry all day. Any time frame for this or any advice?
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05/22/2009 08:43 AM
southern10
southern10  
Posts: 2160
VIP Member

Im so sorry to hear about your loss of your husband...I think we all greive in our own time and way...With time it does get better. There is a section in the forums for the stages of greiving....This is a very caring and supportive group. And I have done the same thing like crying at everything and losing stuff,just a part of the greiving..You are not alone and my deepest sympathy to you.....

05/22/2009 08:48 AM
Nancy1

Hello: I'm very sorry for the recent loss of your husband and I undrstand very well suddenly being alone yet not wanting to go back to work and cry all day. It really helps to have to have at least one person who is interested in listening to your story and your feelings as often and as many times as you want to talk about it. This forum has helped me tremendously and also one friend at work. If you read the postings here, you will find that there is no time line for bereavement. Everyone's story is very different, and yet feelings seem to be very similar. As a newcomer to this group myself, I would just suggest submitting your thoughts and reading everyone else's.

05/22/2009 10:36 AM
cathlabrep
cathlabrep  
Posts: 13
Member

Thank you for your kind words. Today is a bad one as its my first day "alone". It helps to have someone here but when they leave its so hard. I guess I'll survive, after all how many millions go through this every day??? Just wish we didn't have to feel the pain so bad.

05/22/2009 10:38 AM
cathlabrep
cathlabrep  
Posts: 13
Member

I tried to find the forum about the different stages of grieving but couldn't. Can you tell me where to find it? Thanks, emme

05/22/2009 10:40 AM
cathlabrep
cathlabrep  
Posts: 13
Member

Nancy~

Thanks for responding back. I guess I'll just take it an hour, day at a time. Luckily I can still afford to stay out of work a bit longer. A friend from the hospital just called and is taking me out to lunch tomorrow so that will be good. Wish people stayed in touch or around more after things settle down, as thats when I could use them. Thanks again. emme


05/22/2009 01:35 PM
stephimm
stephimm  
Posts: 181
Member

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My husband died six months ago. I also lost my grandmother a year ago Mother's Day. After my husband, Don, died, my daughter came to stay with me the first three weeks. Thank God that she did. I have no idea how I could have dealt with the practical things that she did for me. It was all I could do to deal with my emotions, phone calls, and planning his service. Don's death was sudden and unexpected. When she left, I was alone, living alone, for the first time in my adult life. It was very difficult and still is sometimes.

Everyone grieves in their own ways. Even with the stages of grief, you don't grieve in an organized manner, just moving from one to another. You move back and forth among all of them until you've done the grief work you need to do. Even then, twenty plus years after losing a baby, I find that there are times when I have a day of grief come back to me. It never leaves 100%. You just find a new normal in your life, a changed normal and, usually, I think, a changed you.

For me, I thought when Don first died that if I could just make it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, until the "firsts without him" were all over, that I would be able to deal with the seconds and thirds and so on easier. I'm still working on that theory. It doesn't mean that the ones after will be easy, just that I will know what to expect which makes them easier.

I'm also working on the theory that losing him means redefining myself and my life's path. This is not what I had planned at all, nor did he. I find that, after six months, I am a much different person than I was before he died. I find that I am much stronger from necessity.

Those first days without your daughter are probably going to be difficult. Take them slow. Stay in contact with those in your support network. Post here, as you will find great support here, as often as you like. Do what is right for you above all else. I hope we'll be seeing you. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

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