Bereavement Support Group

Hello, Five weeks ago I lost my son to suicide. He was 34 years old and has a 1 year old daughter. He was 1 of my 4 boys and the second oldest. The initial first 4 weeks "BLUR" as I would say, has passed. I am now in the grieving mode and it is not going well at all. I looked into this site for some kind of support to chat with people in the same situations as I. I think I found it. I am trying to move forward and finding it considerably hard to speak about my loss which brings all those difficult emotions back to the surface again and again. I have been seeing a therapist twice a week to try to go forward. But he suggests that this will take a very long time due to the loss of a child. To me, any loss is very hard, but yes, a child is very painful. I hope to chat daily with you all to help with my grieving process.

Sue

Oh Sue, you have my deepest condolences. I lost a son to Homicide (See Group Leaders for story) and always feel like I can't necessarily relate with some parents. You will pretty much feel like you are in the same boat. After 8 years I can honestly say that no matter how your child leaves this earth, the pain of the Mother is the same.

You will live through this but it is so very hard and such a rollercoaster of emotions. For a while I pretended my son was in Europe studying. I was in such denial. I guess we all do what we have to do, so we can make it through the dark clouds.

We are all here for you.

Sue

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Sue. I'm glad you are getting some help. I needed help to after my mom died unexpectedly. It was a hard loss but I think the loss of a child is even harder. It will take quite some time. As Sue (Vikingfan) says it will be a rollercoaster of emotions for a long time. The first year or so I think people are walking in a fog, of shock and denial of some sort. It takes a long time to comprehend the realness of being without a loved one, let alone a child. Gentle caring hugs, Rachele

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

cydhero

Thank you for all your words of kindness. It's tuff and understand it will take a long time to try to figure out why my son did this ... if even I can. I have decided to see the therapist only 1 time a week now. talking with friends and family is a lot cheaper than talking to a doctor. And I am returning to work very soon. I think work will help me keep my mind busy. I do visit my son's grave often. That helps out tremendously. I just hope I don't feel regrets when I do go back to work if I don't go as often as I am now. Just thinking out loud. My feelings have a little bit of anger now. Is that bad? No. I don't think so. I am angry he did this to himself and left me to take care of his house (I am the administrator due to him not being married yet having a child) and making sure of his child's welfare. He didn't think of that at all. UGH! But I miss him sooooo much. How can I be angry with him? This is so hard. I understand that suicide is a disease and should be taken control of before this happens. But how can you explain to anyone to try to take care of this before hand. I am a little frazzled tonight because I had to go to his house and empty out the garage with all his tools and outdoor equipment in order for the house to go on the market.

OMG. that was so hard to do. Any helpful advise would be greatly appreciated. Grieving mom and grandmother. SUE

Post edited by: Suedez, at: 06/03/2012 05:14 PM

I am sorry for your loss! All your feelings are completely justified even anger. I have been there, I lost my mother quite suddenly to cardiac arrest. It left a hole inside me. But there is no point hastening up the grieving process. It catches up to you no matter what.

Going to the sea shore gives me some comfort. Maybe it will help you too.

Post edited by: MontyBabbu, at: 06/07/2012 11:58 AM

There can be so many questions and emotions that seem to circle round and round in death and grief. I'm so sorry Sue for the loss of your son. Sometimes there are no answers and the grieving process can be long and like Monty said it does catch up with you no matter what. It can be unpredictable, as I have found almost 5 years after loosing my mom suddenly. There is this void inside me that I wish could be filled but there's no replacing a person you lost. My mom was so special to me and it's hard to imagine life without her. The void and emptienss inside is what's hard for me to cope with. Everywhere I am or go, there are reminders of mom and it's bitter sweet. I do go on with life but feel kind of like my other half of me is gone. I've come to realize this may be a lifelong thing. So many good memories, yet longing and missing her more than ever. Anyway, share or vent as much as you need. Thinking of you and sending comfort hugs. Rachele

I am sorry for your loss of your mom Rachele. my heart goes out to you along with comforting thoughts. And I understand that those emotions will be with us forever. Sue

Thank you Sue. I'm very sorry for your loss. As a mom myself it's unimaginal the thought of loosing your own child. We are here for you.