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04/19/2012 11:36 AM

New Member looking for support

Posts: 1
New Member

Hi I just joined this group today, and Im hoping that I will find what I am looking for here. I lost my daugter almost 6 years ago this Saturday will be her 6th birthday. I belive that people who have not suffered a loss think that you should just move on but every day I miss her so much. I cant understand why she was sick and even if she had to be sick why she had to die. Everyone talks about the five stages of greif but it seems like I just go through them over and over and over again with every passing year. Last year when I went through her things as I often do I realized that after only five years her smell was all but gone. I havent opened them since. I took out one tiny little premie dress and kept it out and somehow convinced myself that I would not want to open her things up if I just had one out. But here I am once again and I have some kind of overwelming fear that if I open the tubs everything will ruin. I miss her so much. I see her in my mind I see her in my dreams and I see her in my son and her father but its just not her. I dont think it is an unreasonable request to just want your child back to just want her to have lived! I realize I am ranting but I am just so lost. I feel so alone that I am here looking for the support of strangers but honestly I dont know who else to turn to.

04/19/2012 12:32 PM
Posts: 385
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

My family has all seemed to pass before the expected time. My brother's death was extremmely difficult for me as I had blocks emotionally about him - our brother-to-brother relationship was hit or miss - and we would touch base with one another only when one of our family members would die, and that was it.

Even though I went to a grief group through the local hospice organization, it never felt quite real to me. His widow sent me a request to send all pictures of him and his childhood to her - which I did. Along with my partner at the time, we scanned in each picture - and she did most of the work. It was painful, frankly.

When my mother passed away in 1968 with lung cancer, I inherited the house and for quite some time I did not make any changes in her bedroom. I guess I was keeping it just as it was because it was hard to let go and move on. I think it is natural to have some keepsakes and things that remind me of her, but over time I gave them away. With each gift, it slowly helped the process to move along.

But, like you, there is a part of me that does not want to let go - and I think that is natural. I don't know how or where it fits into the stages of grief, but I think each of us is an individual and respond to losing someone we love in a unique way.

04/22/2012 04:55 PM
Posts: 9116
Group Leader

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter and I don't even know the words to say to a mom loosing a child. I do understand what you mean about the stages of grief and how you can go through them over and over. I have heard this with alot of other people. I took my mom's death really hard. It was unexpected and it will be 5 years this summer. Somehow you know they are not coming back but in your heart you wish they would be here. Rachele

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