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Hello Everyone, I am new here my name is Lorie I am from Illinois. I have been dealing with Grief since the beginning of May 1st. I lost my childhood friend to Heroin Addiction. He was battling with it on and off for a few years now. He left for Florida and was trying to get clean. He didnt do to well. He ended up moving back here and was doing fine for awhile. He got a job with this one company, where he found someone that was selling heroin. For the longest time I thought he was fine. Then I thought it was him drinking. But something just didnt make sense to me why he kept passing out all the time just from 2-4 beers. He was only 38 yrs old, was in shape, and could drink way more than that and not pass out. I knew something wasnt right. Well I started hanging around him more cause I wanted to keep an eye on him. I would call him everyday , or see him at least a few times a week. Well then I didnt hear from him for about week I couldnt reach him either. Then I got a call from his brother. He told me Kevin Overdosed on Heroin. He told me that, he was alright but they were putting him in a rehab. A thirty day program. Then they were going to try and get him another 30 days somewhere else etc. Kevin got out he was doing fine for awhile. He was back working, going to meetings everything was going great. I had my old buddy back, things were like they used to be. About 3 mos later he started withdrawing, I didnt see him as much, he was saying he was going out to eat, or going somewhere with a friend he met at work, going to meetings. I figured ok he wants his space so I gave him alittle space and time to himself. I get another call, he overdosed again. They saved him again only this time he got caught with it by the Police and they were saying if it tested positive, he would do jail time. So I made sure to keep in touch with him, and would call, go see him the whole nine yards. I was picking him up keeping him with me for the weekends so I know he wasnt using. Well he was here 2 weeks before his death. It was almost like he knew he was going to die. He was talking about things in past tense, and things he remembered, and things that meant everything to him. He was asking me to dance, telling me how much he loved me and how much I meant to him. He was telling me that GOD must have him here for a reason, cause he hasnt taken him yet. I told him Kevin he is going to take you. If you do it again he will take you. Your body cant handle anymore you did to much damage and you have to be strong. I told him to stay here with me but he said he was fine. Over the next 2 weeks before he went, we talked , we went to lunch, called each other. Then the day he died he called me that morning at 10:36 am on a Thursday. He said he was reading, and seemed alittle quiet. Kind of like going in and out of the conversation. He wanted me to pick him up. I had an appt somewhere else. He told me he was fine. I thought well his sister n law and brother is there. He should be alright. I told him how about I pick you up tomorrow, or maybe tomorrow. I have this appt and I really really need to keep it. He said awww I want to come there today, I dont want to wait till tomorrow. I said I know, but it will go fast Ill pick you up tomorrow and you can stay here all weekend. So I said ok? He said ok...I said I love you, he said I love ya too. Well tomorrow never came. Exactly 24 hours and one minute later I got a phone call from his brother May 1st 10:37 telling me .............he didnt make it lorie we couldnt save him this time? I said what? What are you talking about? I just talked to him yesterday he was fine? He said no Lorie he died last night I found him at 11:30 last night. He was already gone. He told me he found him face down, in a prayer position on the floor. I just couldnt believe it,it still doesnt seem real to me. When I had to look at him in the casket just looked like he was sleeping. I was just wanted to say wake up Kev, everybody is here quit sleeping ya know. It just doesnt seem like he is dead. I just dont get it. He was fine ya know. I feel like if I would of just picked him up he would of still been here. I just dont understand now what was so flipping important that I didnt have time to pick him up!! I just still cant believe it. I feel like he is still here. It just really sucks cause I want to call him, or everytime the phone rings I always think it is him then I say to myself no its not him he is gone, but I dont want to believe it. I just keep telling myself everyday please let me wake up and this be a nightmare. I miss him so much!! He was such a nice man. He never judged anybody he just loved everybody. He always had good things to say about everyone. He was such a hard worker and did so much for other people who didnt have much, or needed help. I just dont understand why he was able to control everything but couldnt control that drug. Even with his addiction he always put everybody else first. It just isnt fair ya know. All these murderers, rapists, child molestors, they get to live why cant he? I just feel angry inside and feel he was cheated. I am so hurt, and depressed that my only friend lost his life to some drug. He fought so hard to kick the habit, tried so hard to be clean and the heroin demon won!! It is just so sad, and I miss him so much. His sisters, brothers, and family are having such a hard time with it like I am. We keep in touch regularly but it still doesnt bring him back to us. Im just having such a hard time dealing with this, and all the what ifs and whys. Thank you for listening and letting me vent, Lorie |
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