Bereavement Support Group

I really look forward to those moments when I feel like I'm doing okay, but lately it seems I'm back sliding. Maybe its the weekends? I seem more depressed and next week will be bad as it is our wedding anniversary and my birthday in the same week and then fathers' day. I'm just so alone. When I wake in the morning I say why get up. I find myself staying up til 1 0r 2 in the morning. No one in my "group" has suffered a loss of a spouse so can't really relate. Am seeing a Hospice grief counselor on Fri. Hopefully that will help??

Right now life seems meaningless and I don't want to go through the rest of my days alone.

Keeping you in my prayers. God bless you Cath and hang in there. Nancy

Hi Cat some have lost spouses also and i believe they are aware of how hard and painful it can be. I have not lost a spouse but i have watched my mother lose hers, i have watched my sister inlaw lose hers my brother in law lose his wife.........all my family.

I wrote my fathers eulogy and my sisters but i wanted to share with you my fathers............i hope you can see that pain isnt measured here and that we all wish you some peace with this very very trying time.

Please read:

Reflections of a Great Husband, Father, Grand Father MY DAD

"Everytime a loved one dies, we lose a little hope for a better future.

We feel regret for things undone, and words unsaid. We wonder why the innocent or good die young and the good for-nothings live on.

We have never been properly taught how to grieve. The only true way to avoid grief is to avoid love in life, to live with out love.

When a parent dies, we also mourn for our lost selves....out lost childhood. Parents are the very first to touch our lives, they are our very first loves. The are our shields of safety.

When your partner dies, it feels as though your whole world has cumbled. Its as if you are living in another country and no one speaks your language. You feel out of control, like your having a nightmare and you cant wake up. You feel your motivation to go to bed at night is gone, and sleep doesnt seem right. When you are faced with this kind of dispair you feel each minute that passes, a piece of you disappears.

You must look deep within your self and find all those love lessons learned while sharing your life with your love. Remember all the things your mate taught you. Remember how many times he made you laugh.

His spirit is alive and always will be. He is in your hear where he has been for all the years as a mate and lifetime as a child.

Grieve for him, miss him, but remember it is only his body you will no longer see. He can hear you, so talk to him. He is always there for you. You have to believe that.

Dad was a very honorable, kind, compassionate, helpful man. He affected peoples lives in such a memorable way. He wouldnt want us to all apart; he always did everything possible to instill the importance of a family, not with words of lecture but by example. And its with those lessons that he would want us to go forward and instill those same lessons onto his grandchildren. That is the way he will forever live on from generation to generation.

Rest in Peace Dad

We will make you Proud![b]

Post edited by: Lilsis, at: 06/01/2009 09:38 AM

Thanks for sharing your father's eulogy, Lilsis. I guess it's true, the only way to experience thsi type of pain is when we love and are loved so deeply. I wouldn't trade it for anything. We are human and wired for it.

Hopefully this counselor will be good for you, Cat. If not, please don't give up. There are many more couselors and folks to talk to. Maybe they'll be exactly right, maybe not. But it will be good to try.

I do the same thing. I avoid going to bed, and then I get up early. That is not typical for me. Last night's dreams involved going to the ER with my mom, sister, and nephew, and also my Grandma's sister was involved. Not sure what all of this means. My dreams were always vivid, I used to enjoy them. Now they scare the crap out of me.

HI Cathlabrep: I admire your ability to get out of the house and see a councelor. That's taking care of you. Your grief is still recent so ups and downs are normal I think. You had a certain structure with your husband and now you are going to find a new structure for yourself. Giving yourself time with a councelor is a good thing to do in light of not having close friends who have been thru this. I hope your making sure that your eating good, nutricous food.

Cat, I know you must feel like your whole world and life, as you knew is gone without your husband. Truthfully, your world now is not what you knew it to be or expected. You grieve for your husband, for you and the life you thought you would have together. It's understandable how much pain this can bring. I know it feels unbarable and hard to breathe at times. Many of us have felt that way, reguardless of who we lost. We feel this way because as Lilsis said we have loved. You are taking some steps to help yourself by coming on here, seeking others, as your friends and a meeting with a counselor Friday. I know it must be hard to sleep and get up each morning. I felt that when I lost my mom, unexpectedly and I know my father has too. It's hard to wake up alone, without the person you have woke up with and spent everyday with. Let your feelings out, as often as you need to. We have all been there or are there now in these feelings, so you are not alone here. We are always here for you to express yourself and receive caring love and support. Hugs to you , Rachele