Bereavement Support Group

It's hard for me to understand why losing someone you love overwhelms my life the way it does. I suppose, I am slightly less consumed by it than I was after Dale, my first loss. But then I start thinking about: this is only the beginning. I will start to lose people I care about one right after another, especially as I age. And my body will begin to fail me, and wrinkles form, and soon I begin to question life in its entirity. That's why I try to focus on the present, and the good in my life, and the living. But it is so hard when I want nothing more than to talk to my friend. There's so much he knew about me, that I never told anyone else. I miss him so much right now. I feel like he grounded me, kept me sane, helped me clear my head and perspective. It had been such a long time since I had a friend like that, as we grew closer in the last few years. And times like these, I try not to even think about my dad, who I was just as close to, but in a different way. I knew dad was sick, I'd been prepping as best I could as my mom and I took care of him. But I just always thought I'd know where to find Dale.

I know many of you can relate. Thansk for listening to me ramble. I'm just having a moment.

I know Sara, I can relate. I don't know why I am so overwhelmed with feelings of my mom's death and missing her so much. Wanting to have that connection again. I did not know she was going to die and I think in a way, that is the way with your friend. Not knowing puts a whole new spin on things. I wish I could have prepared a little for mom's death, but nothing. You can vent anytime. Sometimes it just hits you and you can't do anything but grieve and cry. Hugs, Sara

Since Dad died I am constantly having thoughts of death and dieing now. I feel a pain in my stomach and I must have stomach cancer, or a headache I must have a brain tumour...sounds crazy like I'm a hypochondriac or something. Whenever I see an elderly person I think "oh that person is going to die soon", it's horrible! I guess when someone so very close to you dies, you really start to think about your own mortality, at least I am. Sara, I wish I could be like you and focus on the here and now and that I have great kids and a great husband and a good life, but these thoughts keep coming. I guess maybe it is all part of the grief process that I am still trying to understand and get through...in time it will get better I'm sure...just thought I'd get that off my chest

Well, I guess the operative word in my post is "try." It doesn't always work that way. Sometimes, when my mind gets rolling on a tangent, it feels like death is only a moment away, and I get scared. Have I been good enough in this life to ever see my dad and friend again? Will I ever see them again? Is liviing the good part or bad part of my existence? I am sure the ones we care about would love to tell us these answers, but they simply can't. Instead, we have to try to unwind their cryptic messages.