Bereavement Support Group

Four years ago on April 20th, 2008 is the day I will never forget. My brother, Anthony, committed suicide. He was 22 years old. He was my only sibling. He was my best friend. The trouble I have dealing with it, is that I found him hanging, and I cut him down. I have trouble dealing with the fact he is gone and there was nothing I could have done to stop him. I sit here and think, "Why haven't I checked on him?", "Why didn't I stop him", and "Is it my fault he is dead?". I think all the time my family blames me in a way. I think that I'm responsible because I was there. I went to therapy sessions but I feel it doesn't work for me because I have trouble connecting mentally with the counselor. I feel that when I talk to other people who experienced traumatic events, I feel more open to talk, and I feel a little better. Is there anyone out there who experienced this and what do you do to help live your life as normal as possible.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. What a horrible way for you to find him that way. I really feel for you and I know it's not easy to cope with. Suicide never is but it's not your fault. I'm sorry you didn't connect with your previous therapist but there are therapists that may be better suited for your needs. Someone with experience in trauma or severe loss and bereavement would be what you would look for. Anyway, I know it's hard. Feel free to share when you feel you need to. Rachele

My brother deliberately overdosed a few weeks ago. I wasn't there. He was alone when he died. I found him days later after he hadn't responded to emails and phone calls. Now there are two brothers who opted for suicide. Why my family?

How does anyone not feel guilty when a loved one dies like this? It is an awful legacy. My father tried and did not succeed because he wasn't alone. Another brother tried and succeeded because he was alone. Odd thing, his suicide was labeled "accidental suicide" because he called for help, but help didn't arrive in time.

Alcohol played a role in both suicides. Depression also played a role. Self hatred and a sense of loss of respect also played a role. I couldn't force either brother to remain sober, or to love themselves or to feel respected or loved.

It wasn't your fault or my fault that our brothers died. If there was a way to prevent them from killing themselves, we would've stepped in and prevented them from doing it. We were never in control of their lives. Suicide happened. Now we have to let life go on and not dwell on our guilt feelings. How could we not feel guilty?

Life is a beautiful gift! I know what my deceased brothers are missing. I don't know why they couldn't live past the desire for their own suicides. I hope they are 'at peace." Unfortunately, they've left many people behind to sort out their own guilt feelings. It isn't fair.

Our mother dove into alzheimer's right after her first son's suicide. It wasn't fair. But now she's been gone for many years.

But what of her other sons and her grandchildren? What legacy have they inherited? I have three brothers left living and fourteen neices and nephews.

Life is too short to allow depression/addiction to swallow us up. Find someone to share your life, your feelings. Get a hobby. Travel. Live your life twice as wonderfully as before. Get treatment if you need it. Don't expect any stranger/therapist to connect with you. Dump the insanity of suicide at their door. That's why they can not connect with us. Just spill out the flotsam of suicide and find a way to live life to its fullest. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

We deserve to be free of suicide guilt. Let's find a way to forgive them. "Forgive me for not being strong enough." my baby brother wrote.

If they deserve forgiveness, then so do we. Find a way to celebrate life.

Please live your own life, love the people you meet. Cherish the good memories and use the bad memories to warn you of the danger you need to avoid.

I am sending a long, tight hug for you along with this email. It isn't an easy journey. Know that you are not alone. You are not responsible for the actions of others. I feel your pain. You feel my pain. We are connected. Take it one day at a time. Say goodbye and then find a positive way to commemorate their lives. Live a positive life.

He said I was his hero and that he loved me -

so why did he leave me?

cyd

I'm sorry for both your losses and no it's not your fault. Many people feel guilt after a loves ones passing and a suicide more so. But the hard part in this process is to find a way to forgive yourself and your loved one for their decision. It takes some time, but it will free you both and help you heal some of the pain. Therapy with a grief counselor can help you get through what you are feeling and going through. Gentle hugs, Rachele

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 06/04/2012 06:45 AM

I'm so terribly sorry about your losses. My sister committed suicide 9 years ago. I didn't think I would ever recover from the pain so I truly understand how you both are feeling.

My prayers are with you. PM me if you ever need to talk.

Jan

I am so sorry for your loss I feel your pain. We have a similar story. My brother who was also my best friend died on May 14 2011 he was 28 years old. His girlfriend, his daughters and I were the ones to find him with a cord tied around his neck from strangling himself to death. I too struggle with the thoughts that it was my fault or that i should have been there to stop it. I knew he was in pain and going through a very rough time and I allowed him to leave my house at 3am and walk home with tears in his eyes. I had paid for his girlfriend and children a hotel room for the night cause they had been fighting. So it truely is my fault that he was home alone that night. He only lived 4 houses down from me and any other time i would have went and checked on him because ive always been afraid he was going to die by his own hand because at 8 years old his father comitted suicide. I don't think he ever got the help he needed. I also feel like some of my family blames me for his death cause i wasn't there or cause i allowed him to be alone that night. I think we all need to blame someone or something so that we have someone to be angry at. But in reality, it can't be anyones fault. If we had known what was going to happen it would have never happened. We would have stopped it. Anyway, I would like to give you some kind of good advice or something that will help you get through it but i just don't know what to say. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that i have 3 beautiful children that need their mommy. Sometimes that isn't enough and i break down for days at a time but thank god they are there to help me pull out. Thank you for sharing your story. I often wonder if this pain is going to go away or fade in the next year or so but i know that it wont. I know that for sure now after reading that it has been 4 years for you. I guess the only thing that we can do is feel that pain and reach out for support when we need it. I have attended a support group called Halos....Healing After Loss Of Suicide. Maybe there is something like that in your area. It didn't really help me much but maybe something like that would help you. Hang in there and know you aren't alone and I don't know what your beleifs are but I truely believe that my brother is at peace now. He found that peace that he never did have his entire life. I wish i could have given that to him but its not something we can give its only something we can find for ourselves. Hugs to you.