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flashoflife Posts: 1
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This year has been one filled with death. In January, a family friend died. He was 93 years old and had been longing to join his wife for many years. My mom began visiting him several years ago, twice a week, to check on him and bring him groceries. On Saturdays, we would bring him to mass with us and go to dinner with him. My mom originally started to visit him as a part of a school project (she went back to finish college 27 years after she left college to start a family)...at the end of the semester, she had developed a bond with him and just felt that it would be wrong to stop helping him just because her project was over. At any rate, the year began with the loss of a family friend...one who was closest with my mom. In May, my mom's oldest brother, my uncle, died a sudden death. He had an aneurism. One of my other uncles was the one who found him. In July, my mom's third brother was diagnosed with cancer (he has decided to take part in an experimental treatment and is seemingly okay at the moment). Last Monday, our family dog died. He was the best dog we ever had. And he was keeping my mom company more than anyone else as she has been homebound...she has breast cancer that has spread throughout her skeletal system and other parts of her body. On Tuesday, my mom found out that, even though she has been having chemotherapy treatments for the past four months (and has already had the lifetime dose of radiation plus an extra round), her cancer has spread to her liver. She said that it has spread to two of the three nodules of the liver and is inoperable. On Wednesday, my cousin...my mom's sister's son (who is the same age as my sister and just got married in August) died suddenly while on a routine jog with some friends. Last night, it just hit me that, realistically, my mom is dying. I didn't cry...I wailed...today, I cried a bit...I have two other friends who lost their fathers this year. I know others who have lost one or both parents. But it seems so soon for it to have happened to them and for it to be happening to me right now...I know that is a very selfish way to word it...but I in my dealings with my family, I have to consider everyone else's positions and feelings above my own. So, I am using this forum to try to work out my own...so that I can be as strong and capable as possible to help my family through this time. I have considered turning to the friends that I know have lost a parent for advice...but I don't think it's appropriate because they aren't among my absolute closest friends, and their loss is still so new. I will be traveling to see my parents for Christmas (we live nearly 1,000 miles apart). The reality is that this is, more likely than not, going to be the last Christmas that my mom is living. How do I approach the 5 days I will have with her and my dad? What can I do that will be of the most help to them? Because of the family-dynamics, I will likely be the one to handle all/most of the details associated with her passing, final medical bills, helping my dad get through daily life... What do I need to do to prepare for those things? Are there resources that can help guide me? I hope that whatever you are experiencing right now, you find peace, comfort and guidance along the way. Pax et bonum. |
