Bereavement Support Group

So i got this call my grandma never in my entire 37 years has ever asked for help from anyone for anything...we are bred to do for ourselves mostly....(its kind of an Appalachian thing) but she asked me and my two girls to be her help her something to get her mind busy...

The issue is I have put this idea to her every time she seems worn down as his caregiver...i am concerned that she may have the idea that its so bad she needs 1. us to be there before its too late and 2. that she has dealt with all of this she can handle....or 3. both

she has told me how much weight he has lost and i know from my sis in law that we saw her thin but not scary thin at thanksgiving then by feb when she went to the hospital and i walked in i didn't know her....it was so terrifying. I just keep thinking no matter how i feel i need to be strong for her and help her let that off her mind a minute. but how is this supposed to happen if it is shocking it is going to cause a reaction....i don't have a poker face when its about emotion...any ideas...i know my sis in law had stomach cancer and his is Acute Myleoid leukemia but he has been in hospice care for a little over a year and it has been two yrs since i saw him last....now any ideas are very welcome we plan to try in the next few weeks to get there....

Hi Trisha, It may be a shocking thing to see her so thin. It's hard to know if you will be able to hide your reaction to it. Maybe if you do react just say you are thinner than I imagined and at least it's on the table and you can move on to other things. Thereby not denying the way she looks. Maybe she too is upset about how she looks. This may you make mere mention of it and then both of you can move on from there. It's never easy seeing someone you love look so sick and in pain. I never imagined seeing my mom on her death bed in the hospital. She was unconscious but it still was a sight I was not prepared for.

Well with her she is the caregiver...it is her husband who is ill so my grandfather. She is tired i know and its my job to just deal with the shock but I am exhausted you guys the facade that i have to keep up is hard to maintain everyday.

Oh, I understand now. Her husband is who's ill. Never easy to deal with the shock and just the worry and dealing every day with family and what it happening when someone is ill. It really takes a great tole on people. Try to find some time to calm and rest your mind. You need it for yourself emotionally and physically. You are important too. Don't forget your own needs in all this. Rachele

I know i have to be strong i am lucky i seem to be for now...just don't know when i get in that situation how strong i can be you know.....

It's hard to know, Trisha how strong one will be in the situation. We can only do what we can. It's hard to force such things. Just focus on today, it's all you can do. Hugs, Rachele