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08/24/2008 09:04 PM

The Hardest thing about A loved one's Death!

Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
Group Leader

The hardest thing about my mother's death was seeing her on life support, unconscious and wanting to speak to her my feelings where, she would hear them and respond to them. Wanted to hug her and feel mom's hug back. The unexpectedness of her death, through another curve into the grief proecess. She was 65, thought she had more years to live: enjoy life, her family and grandchildren. Something every parent wants. Without knowing someone is dying, presents a problem of closure for those left behind. I don't feel closure, we didn't know the cause of her death until the death certificate came. So in esscence, we don't know what happened but something terribly wrong, for which we are a family grieving the loss of a mom, spouse, grandmother. We are searching to find some peace and healing.

Please, others who haven't shared in a while, please do so to refresh our memories and for the new members we have. Use the question above and relate it to your own loss. Thanks.

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08/25/2008 03:54 PM
southern10
southern10  
Posts: 2160
VIP Member

My mothers death was unexpected...She died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 70..... My sister seen her the day before and said she was laughing and eating and enjoying herself...The next morning she died at home....She was a heavy smoker and was on oxygen... That was 2 years ago and I still miss her so.... The hardest part was letting go of her and not being here anymore in my life... I hold her in my heart and soul.... I have been to counseling and talked my feelings out...I know she wants me to be happy and treasure the time we have on this earth! Its hard to lose a loved one,but deep down I know she is looking down and smiling!!!

08/25/2008 05:59 PM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
Group Leader

I think you are right Southern, the hardest part is letting go and finding a way to go on, living without your mom physically in your live now. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. You have a positive attitude. It must take some time, not only realize that your mom would want you to be happy but to actually live your life again in happiness. The action part is what I mean of implimenting it.

08/26/2008 04:30 AM
singingangel

The hardest part for me was changing my life from one geared toward trying to get everything ready so I go up to see her to one of not being able to see her. I also had gotten 4 pinched nerves from all the driving up and down to Pa. . It has been hard gettting my health under control and "moving on with my life". I think you have to , at first, just force yourself to do things you once enjoyed. Even if at first it doesnt bring you joy after awhile it will. I know even reading or doing a puzzle was hard for me to do. I kept feeling like I needed to do something for her. I eventually was able to start getting my life somewhat in order again.

09/18/2008 01:55 PM
blueangel

My Mom was sick along time, at the last she had COPD and was on oxygen 24/7 and alot of other medicines. My sisters and I had to care for Mom alot, she couldn't do anything basically by herself, she was 72, four days from her birthday when she died. When she got sicker, and went into the hospital, they said she had pnuemonia. She was supposed to have recovered from this, but went back into the hospital. This time to Baptist in Winston. To make a long story little shorter, she ended up on life support, she came off it fine. Went home with alot problems I thought to my younger sisters home, after about 3 or 4 days back to hospital alot sicker. They waited for a room and got one at Forsyth and was in ICU. She got worse and worse. and the doctors didn't know what was actually wrong with Mom. At the end we had to make a decision not to put her on life support again, since the doctors said she wouldn't get any better. THAT was a Hard decision. I know my Mom is no longer suffering,that is the only thing that helps me deal with her death. But I MISS her so. Then my stepfather ended up in hospital about 3 months later, and he got to where he didn't want any more food or meds and he had health problems also. He didn't want to be put on Life Support after seeing how Mom was, and the doctors and nurses said he basically gave up, and was grieving so hard over Mom's death. It has been so difficult for my sisters, and brother and me. I keep telling them and myself they are together now and no longer suffering. We are trying to adjust to life without our parents. I don't want them back with the suffering they were going through, the issue is learning to live without them in our daily lives. I am sorry this is so long. Just so much to say. I pray for all who have losted loved ones and God Bless You. Big Hugs!

09/18/2008 02:11 PM
singingangel

I am so sorry for your losses. I know it must have been a shock to have so much at one time. You will feel like a fog for awhile. Gradually things will get better. You will sortof just go through the motions of getting through each day. It will be hard to adjust to life w/o them. Just take things one day at a time. Know we are here for you. There are 5 stages of grief. There is no time limit. Eventually you will get through each stage. You will always hold them in your heart. Here is my shoulder to cry on and arms to hug.

Lori


09/18/2008 02:17 PM
blueangel

Thanks for being there, I am glad I found this group.I don't know what stage I am in,sometimes the days seem better and then I find myself crying out of the blue. Nights for me are worse, I dream about Mom alot, and have problems sleeping for along time now. Thanks for listening and I will carry my parents in my heart forever. A hug for you.

09/18/2008 03:47 PM
southern10
southern10  
Posts: 2160
VIP Member

You will find comfort and support here blueangel! We all greive in a different way....You will carry your parents in your heart and soul always! Know that you are not alone and we are here for you!! Big Hugs

09/19/2008 09:11 PM
blueangel

Thanks Southern10, for caring. Big Hugs

08/13/2009 07:03 AM
Peace4Rach
Peace4Rach  
Posts: 9116
Group Leader

Revisiting the hardest part of a loved one's death: Almost 2 years. Hard to believe my dear mom has been gone so long. How much I feel the emptiness of her prescence in my life. There are no words to describe. Just too many feelings to feel. I miss her laughter, her smile all the things we shared and did together, even as adults.

The hardest part is knowing you may never be ok, with how or why the person is gone, that the void, could be felt foverver. Knowing you have to live with the loss and grief.

Post edited by: Peace4Rach, at: 08/13/2009 07:07 AM

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