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06/04/2008 13:29
singingangel
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 Before your loved one died did you know something was wrong ? Did you know they were going to die? Do you think it makes it easier when you know?

I knew my mom was going to die. Her alzheimers was pretty bad when she fell and broke her hip. Within one month she only could eat baby food. I think knowing made it easier. I could make sure I did all I wanted to do and say to her.
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06/04/2008 17:19
Snoopy30
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 I have experienced both and don't know which is better. My mom was sick for a long time. back then they kept you in the hospital long term. she spent the better part of 9 months in the hospital. We all knew she would die because the cancer was so advanced but yet we never talked about it either. My dad went into the hospital on a Wed. with pneumonia and died the following Monday with a diagnosis of acute leukemia. I don't think us kids could have handled another long drawn out illness so in that sense with him it was better it happened so fast. I think that even if you know it is going to happen and you try to prepare yourself you are never really ready for the all consuming emotions that occur when you do lose your loved one. Ok oops I rambled a bit sorry
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06/04/2008 18:47
Peace4Rach
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 I'm not sure either way is easier. I do think when it's sudden or unexpected the feeling is incomplete. There doesn't seem to be any closure. I know there wasn't any for me. I would have liked to have told my mom things verbally while she was conscious but that did not happen. I guess it's why I tend to go over those final moments in my mind all the time. The age factor bothers me too. I feel like her life was cut short at the age of 65. She didn't have a chance to enjoy her retirement, or to see her last daughter marry and enjoy her grandchildren. It really hurts. There really are no words to describe the void I feel inside. It's just there all the time and it's hard to find any comfort in my heart and soul. That's my experience anyway.

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06/05/2008 06:38
singingangel
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 Karen you did not ramble. You made some good points. I think it must be each situation. I actually think I grieved more when mom was alive than when she died. You have different kinds of emotions when they die at least I did. I think it is more of a shock when they die suddenly.

Rachele, I hope you can find a way to allow your family help fill that void.Yes she will be always in your heart but she wants you to enjoy your family, etc. She likes seeing you and her grandchildren doing activities, etc. Know I am here for you always. hugs
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06/05/2008 08:36
southern10
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 My mother was a smoker and she had been in and out of the hospital for pneumonia,and lung complications.....But at the age of 70 she died of a heart attack at home....It was unexpected but it had alot to do with smoking....I dont think their is a easier way of knowing or not..I dont think we are ever ready....but i know my mother is resting and looking down in happiness....hugs

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06/06/2008 06:42
CherylAnn
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 We knew my mom was going to die because she had a recurreance of her cancer in her liver and the medical staff was quite upfront that she had between 4 to 6 weeks. It was good that I knew, because I was able to visit her twice before she passed (I live in another province 1000 miles away)

The really funny/strange thing was I think my mom knew she was very sick about 6 months before she got her initial diagnosis (not the recurrance)

All of a sudden, one fine fall day, I get a call from mom, 'how would I like it if her and my dad came down and spent thanksgiving with us' It was very spur of the moment and my mom never did anything on the spur of the moment. We had a wonderful time and the kids really enjoyed their grandparents. Although I did notice that my mom had a hard time eating anything - everything seemed to make her feel ill. She insisted it was food allergies. I remember having this funny feeling when they were leaving to go to the airport, and noticed that my mom looked kind of teary eyed. Six months later she was diagnosed with stomach cancer, and nine months after that she passed away.

To this day, I think she knew how sick she was and that this was the last time she would see the grandkids.I think I knew something was the matter too. You know how a person can intuitively feel something is amiss, but not be able to come up with concrete proof - its just a feeling. I made many many trips to toronto to see her but was never able to bring the kids -she was always so sick and I was mostly coming up as a relief pitcher to help out my dad and siblings when they got overwhelmed and tired.
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06/06/2008 07:15
CherylAnn
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 Oh, one more thing. As to which way is better - hard to say as everyone circumstance different. But having done a long drawn out thing with my mom and then my dad being so seriously ill over a long time, I am just hoping that when he goes, it is fast. There is so much stress involved in long illness, after awhile my own health started to suffer. So I am praying that God will be merciful and no more sufffering for our family.

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06/08/2008 17:05
Peace4Rach
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 Don't know if this makes sense or not to anyone. Just feel such a disconnect from life the way I knew it before mom died. My spirit is not there the way it was. It's not to say I do not enjoy moments, activities and laughs with my family. It's just that, I do them, come back and realize the pain over my mom's sudden passing and become destracted and overwhelmed. I don't talk to my friends much. Just don't have anything to say or time to just shoot the breeze. I feel sort of alone in my feelings and my world, if that makes any sense.
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06/08/2008 17:50
singingangel
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 I think that I understand. I am forcing myself to go out more. I feel at peace about her going because I know she isnt suffering . I just feel weird because my life isnt evolved around going up every week to see her. For a while having my daughter so ill took up my time more. Now that she is doing better Im thinking more about mom and that headstone. I think eventually we will be finding our new place in life. We will always keep them in our hearts.
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06/09/2008 05:09
Peace4Rach
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 In our hearts they will always be. I do hope we all find peace and our place back in our lives. That's really what it is for me. Just feeling distracted from the world, my family and friends. Not the me I was, but the one who is wounded and trying to cope and heal. Thanks Angel.
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