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10/06/2010 12:45 PM

I can't do this anymore!! :(

LisaS
Posts: 7
New Member

Idk what's wrong with me..I'm tried of being in pain..I can't do this anymore!! I feel like not living anymore..No one seem to understand how much pain I'm in!!! My husband complains cuz I can't sleep at night!I can't seem to get out of the house cuz I'm just to damn tried!! Everyone makes mess no one wants to do anything for them self..My brother-in-law lives with us I hate him being here all he does is drink and makes mess when he frigging drunk!! I CAN"T STAND IT ANYMORE!! I don't wanna get out of bed anymore I'm so tried...Kids don't wanna listen!!! My 12 yr old acts like she 5 and can't do anything for her self...I went to see a new dr he told me to get a breast rebustions!! WTF!! Sorry for the cuse words!! I'm in constant pain I always have to do everything around this damn house no one wants to lifted a finger...No one but me cooks dinner...My emoticons are on a rollercoster!!! My husband tells me that I'm always in a bad mood and always yelling...I don't wanna be like this!!! I don't wanna be in pain!!! I want my old life back where I could do things......Things I like!!! But no of couse not I can't cuz I'm in pain when I do anything can't even clean my house cuz I'm in pain..I just wanna throw in the towel this is not fair...I ask why me why..I'm gaining weight and I don't know how to lose it cuz I can't work out cuz I'm once again in pain afterwards..I just wanna shut out the world and go to sleep!!!I know I'm feeling sorry for myself! I'm venting...I'm sorry..I can't talk to my husband he don't understand he just say what I'm I suppose to do..He gets upset when I don't wanna have sex...Well dammit that hurts to!!! He doesn't get it..Sitting here in the chair venting to whoever will read this hurts...I just want someone to listen to and understand what I'm going thur..Seem like I have more and more bad days!! Thanks whoever reads this for listening...I didn't ask for this!!

Tired and in pain!!!!

Post edited by: LisaS, at: 10/06/2010 12:47 PM

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10/07/2010 12:13 PM
fluffyluggage
fluffyluggage  
Posts: 4722
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hey Lisa,

Welcome to the forum. I'm not sure exactly what happened to you, but I can definitely feel your pain. I've been there and done that. I still have a lot of pain myself, and it's never going to go away. I have several diseases that cause the pain, and I'll probably always have nerve damage from them, even if we can cure what's going on. So, trust me when I say, I DO understand.

And it's ok to rant. 100% ok. However, I am a little concerned about your saying you want to throw in the towel, you don't want to get up, and you don't want to live. We aren't counselors and aren't able to handle anyone who's truly considering suicide, so if you really are, I need to direct you to the suicide thread posted in the General and Support section so you can find the support you really need there. I can't tell for sure if you need it, but I just need you to have those numbers in case you are. The people there are trained to handle true crisis situations.

Assuming you are just venting and ranting, I will say that a few things struck me from your post. The first is that if your doctor recommended breast reduction, I need that surgery, and I know how badly excess breast tissue will weigh on your back. If that is a surgical recommendation to stop back pain, I'd take it and run with it. I've known numerous people who've had the surgery and have felt a million times better afterward. Do it--you won't regret it. I've had repeated suggestions to get it, and now that I've finally had a 3rd doctor recommend it, I'm looking at trying to find a surgeon, so that it is not medically necessary. This way, my insurance will have to pay for it! Since it was recommended for you, the same should apply now.

Additionally, you are going to have to remember that no one WILL understand what kind of pain you're in until they have been there and done that. Try to be sympathetic to that fact and recognize that those around you feel that you're complaining. Your children will feel you're being lazy, and they'll try to get out of doing chores because they see you aren't doing anything. What you have to find a way to do is to get the idea into their heads (in a non-venting way--that's what WE'RE here for! Wink ) that you AREN'T shrugging off chores, but you simply can't do them, and that's why you need them so badly now to do what you can't do. You need to go on strike. When they have nothing to wear, aren't getting fed by you, and haven't gotten their homework done, etc, they'll start to think about what's going on with you. You need to do only what you can. You cook your own food, clean your own dishes, wash your own clothes--even if that means doing it 1 dish, 1 mean, 1 very small load of clothing at a time. I'm seriously NOT kidding. I'm being serious here. This works. They'll want to know why you aren't catering to their every whim. And you can tell them.

There is a post, I think it's here, called "Letter to Normals," if you don't find it here, you'll find it on the chronic pain forum, as well as one called "The Spoon Theory." If you can't find it, let me know, and I'll post the link to it. Print them both out and leave them in prominent places (heck, print a bunch of them!) in the house. Or gather your family and read these stories/letters to them. They both explain a LOT about chronic illness and chronic pain.

What you haven't told us, which would be good for us to get to know you, is what is wrong with you, how you've hurt your back and where, and what treatments you're going through at this point. What kind of medications are you taking? Do you have a good doctor? Are you doing PT? Do you have a TENS unit? Those kinds of things will help us to help you, if you're comfortable discussing them. It helps us because those of us with the same disorders can tell you what we've done and how it's helped. We can also suggest what doctor to see, or at least what kind of doctor to see. Also, we can tell you what medications have worked for us, and what PT treatments, etc. These things can help you get a long way.

The reason you're gaining weight is that you're probably still taking in as many calories as you used to, but you're not doing much of anything, so try to eat as healthy as possible, eat less than you used to (depression from this is also very common and can encourage you to eat more as well), and be cognizant of what you're craving. You may crave extra carbs and fat, and that's no good for you. You may want to keep a food diary so you'll know what you're eating and when, and also your state of mind at the time.

Good luck, and keep us posted. I wish I could do more, but I'm here if you need me.

Hugs,

jen Smile

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