Hi Cynthia and welcome to the group. I shall spare y'all a nevel for not. I'm on my way back to bed. I am in the worst fibro flare ever, and that sets off my long list of conditions. I find I can take my meds and sleep or stay awake and cry.
Iken, NJ was the 14th state to pass a compassionate use into law. Every time I read about what's going on here I cry. I have a number of condiitions and can take 7 meds on earth I'm aware of. The doc kinda prescribes the meds and leaves me to find as many off-label uses that help my problems. You are not alone. We seem to have a number of things in common. I am curious. If you're home all day, obviously you're not working, and if you don't get your pension for 18 months, what are you living on?
NOTE: NOBODY HAS TO ANSWER ANYTHING S/HE DOES NOT WANT TO RESOND TO. And nobody owes anyone else a reason. A simple 'don't feel like discussing that' is fine. The person knows you saw the message.
I will try to get back to you later today or tomorrow. I am not doing well and not as efficient as I've been my entire life. Part of that was totally magnified by an attending physician who truly tried to kill me about 4 years ago. W/ the repercusssions from everythng he did, including giveng me about 30 meds that could do nothing but kill me. And I was close a few times. Unfortunately one;s mind can go w/ one's kidneys, and I did not know I was alive for 3 weeks. I missed the whole phase in the medical hospital. If this bastard had rehydrated me (I never made it to total shut down so didn't need dialysis) and given me an an antibiotic, my mind wouldn't have gone from all the meds. Apparently I almost died a few times in 10 days, and some level of consciousness w/ which I am not aware, piped up and refused meds. The story is way to long to get into here again. I posted it all but constantly when I first found the group. Because of the lack of treatment, almost total negligence, but plethora of errors, I came close to death. In one hospital a dozen or so doctors literally tried to kill me. I am not paranoid. My doc told him not to give me ANY med not needed to save my life, and he made himself clear by telling the guy exactly what would happen from almost any med made. The bastard gave me about 30 meds in all - IN TEN DAYS - and he realized I was dying. He got shrinks he knew to make up unbelievable faked mental history and shipped me to an asylum totally illegally - they can't even dx ANY mental problems until they've taken all medical problems into account. The only thing they sent to the asylum was a list of 8 meds - which were killing me. The negligence is overwhelming. The vitals are posted where anyone can see them, and mine was 90/40. They still gave me 3 bp meds twice a day. I had sorry, TMI, the worst diarrhea of my life, and I've had chronic diarrhea all my life. They gave me two meds for something I don't have and did more permanent damage to my poor intestine. Whenever there's a gastroenterologist in the room, more damage is done. They do not believe what every med made for diarrhea has a reverse effect, and I'd be dead w/in a couple of weeks w/o the med we use for diarrhea - and it took us ten years to find. He told the attending any med made to treat diarrhea would kill me in a very few days because of my reaction to them. I react to everything, but not as badly as that class of drugs.
But the doc wrote down almost nothing Jim told him, and Jim had been treating me for 30 years at the time. He also made it very clear that the ONLY mental problem I have is severe, chronic depression - that I am not psychotic and have never shown any sign of such, so if I was babbling I had mental status changes from the renal problems. But the social worker told him they were giving me one med and I was refusing it as well as refusing food. The one med was 9, and in my system the combo was lethal. I asked Jim why they were trying to hard to kill me, and he said he doesn't think it started that way. Notice he did not deny it happening. After the social worker spoke w/ Jim and found out the real problems, and she told him I was refusing ONE med, she asked him to call me on the patients' phone and tell me if I didn't eat and refused meds, what the consequences would be. He told her, since I had mental status changes, and no form of psychosis, that med would kill me w/in a very few days. But he called. I'd just refused all meds and told them to stop chasing me w/ meds that would kill me. In the medical hospital every time I refused meds, there was a $500 charge for 'training and education'. I asked Jim what the hell they were training on a dead mind. He told me to let him know if I founs our. A few of auch charges were someone telling me why I needed the meds that were killing me. A couple were the dietician, so I'm guessing I had the same problem there as I did in the other four hospitals - they had no clue what bland food was. I don't know what they were giving me in the med ctr, and I don't think I'm going to scan much more. I have a few things I need to know from 3 places, but most of the info has nothing to do w/ me. When I called the asylum and told them when they finally sent my records, there was nothing that had come from the medical ctr but a list of drugs which almost killed me. She said she couldbn't send me anything from another place because they can't vouch for whatever they say. I told her she couldn't vouch for the info in their files. The files said I have good teeth and grey eyes. My kids threw out my teeth - along w/ everything I owned at the instruction of the social worker - AFTER Jim told her that my mind would recover 100% and I'd be going home. I have nothng left to live for. After stealing anything that mattered to me in any way, my son took away any contact w/ my granddaughters. The last time I saw them was 10 years ago. Ash was 3 and had seen me every 3-4 months since birth. The middle one was three months, and of course the baby wasn't even dreamed of.
OK. No more rambling. Wait. I did, as I usually do, cut off a thought. The records from the asylum said I had good teeth when I have none. They also said I had grey eyes. My father died when I was 3, and after my mother died more than 26 years, a few relative agreed to talk about my father. I knew basicallly nothing about him because my mother's denial system was so strong that i'm sure somewhere in there he never died. So she lied, the relatives who were old enough to remember my father talked to me. It turns out that my almost everything my mother told me, about anything in my life or the family, was untrue. The only thing I know is absolutely true is that, in an extended family of brown eyed kids, My grandmother's blue eyes joined my daddy's, and I have his eyes. I'll be damned if anybody is taking those for me.
Sorry for the rambling. I've suffered depression, I think I said this, 19 years w/ no sign of relief, and my severe pain conditions are also in severe flare.
Cynthia, my kids haven't even called in almost 4 years to see if I am alive. And I shake when I think of what he told my girls. My son is so sick that he's told the truth about almosr nothing for over 20 years. I believe he no longer knows the facts from his bubbe meisas (the Yiddish equivalent of 'old wives' tales', except in Yiddish, they're old grandmother (bubbe) stories.
So you see Cynthia, no matter what happens that we think never happened to anyone else, generally we are wrong and having symptoms that have gone w/ depression for a very long time. I also have fibro; so if anything beging to hurt, or I get heartburn, I can't take the meds for them. Jim and I waited out the bp whenever it went up slightly. To this asshole I've never seen, and I would not know the doc if he came to the door. I was truly not alive for I'm guessing close to a week in there.
The only positive things I've found in going on 4 years are this group, and my aide's niece. I told my aide I was in w/drawal and needed a fix. She didn't even blink. I told her I needed a little one - between birth and about 5 - because it is somehow impossible for me to feel depressed around little ones. All I wanted since I was 4 and threw tantrums until they found a way to let me feed my new cousin a bottle. I also burped him.
I've had my meds and have to close off before I write gibberish (hope I didn't already), and will be back later.
I do hope you feel better Cynthia. I have some suggestions for a few of your problems, and I will send you a message later. You might want to send me a pm so I don't forget. That is not purposeful. My mmemory, which was already beinning to slip now and then was made so strong w/ the meds.
I had a terribly frightening situation when I got up. What caused the whole process was a med Jim kept begging me to take. I kept telling him my mind was doing strange things I couldn't explain, that I did not want to screw up my brain. He said, as he had before, that the med was incredibly easy on the system. I asked him many of the meds he told me to flush - literally in the 100's - in the years up to there, he worked so hard to get me to take this. I've been working on all of this for over 3 years. I cannot believe that SIX hospitals could screw up absolutely everything they did or said.
There were so many broken laws I stopped counting when I got to 30 and was only on about page 5. These are not the bill or rights they hospital proeduces and hands out to give us a false sense of security. By the last hospital when the nurse asked if I wanted to initial that I got their hospital list of rights. I told her to ask me in 3 days, and if EVERY SINGLE item on the page hadn't been broken, I'd sign. It took them until bedtime that night and all of my so-called rights were 'broken'. That's probably not even half the story, but it should help our many welcomed newbies to have an idea of what I'm talking about.
Sylvia
Post edited by: Sylvia4648, at: 06/01/2012 11:41 AM
'I didn't have time to write a short [post].' Mark Twain wrote that one for me. LOL
'Wisdom is knowing when you can't be wise.'
'Life is what's happening while we are busy making other plans.'
NOTE: I can't imagine anyone is surprised that distracted driving has overtaken drunk driving as the number one cause of death on the road. Please, y'all, keep your eyes sharp when you drive. The guy in the next car could be on a computer in the dash board (whoever dreamed that up should have to watch autopsies), while the one behind you is texting. It's important to be aware of those around you. The kid who ended my second to last life was in a huge SUV and on the telephone.
I am not a medical practitioner. I speak only from personal experience. Please do not interpret anything I say as medical advice.
"The part of my recovery plan that I would say made up 80% is MDJ. I suffered a lot prior to finding MDJ, felt alone and had no one to talk to who really understood me. In the Bipolar Group I found like minded individuals who I could relate to and who offered support to me when I needed it. As I recovered, I could then offer support to them which gave me a good feeling about myself. I have met some great people here who I would class as good friends and know I would still be in the slump I was in without them. Now I am stable, I know that MDJ plays an important part in keeping me that way. Thank you MDJ for being there for us all and making us no longer feel alone." (liamacker)
