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sharone
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Folks, I'm inclined to believe that AvPD is a transitory stage. It's not genetic, it's a behavioral approach to circumstances that overwhelm. Once us AvPDers get enough distance from/control of those circumstances, I fully believe that we go back and engage, albeit carefully and cautiously, in our life pursuits. I was 'stuck' in AvPD for at least 3.5 years. I know I could have used this coping mechanism earlier, but, there wasn't opportunity for it. Once in this phase, tho, I really began to heal. This has been an extremely healing time for me. And, like someone else commented, now I feel I can face my social anxiety (CherrieAngel? did you say that?). Can we form a consensus on this? Anyone else agree? Anyone's experience different? Hope to hear from any and all! Sharone  |
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apieceofwork
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I just posed on the topic of How is everybody doing lately...I think it related to the question here...though I don't know the answer to it. I'm searching though. I can "come out and play" at times and no one would ever know of my AvPD or S/A. The problem is I suffer drastically the following day or days. Like I said, in the other topic, it looks like I have a new boyfriend. It happened suddenly in some respects yet slowly over a year and a half. I know/knew that he liked me and wanted to date me. Now it has happened. I just don't know if its worth the fear and axiety I suffer after engaging with him. Yes, I would love to be in a relationship but do I want it enough to leave my safe place? Would I rather be alone in my safe place? At this very minute, I am feeling that I'd rather be alone. But I'd have to be crazy!! This guy is HOT! LOL! I feel that if I don't make it out of this little place I call my safe place, where I'm alone, I will not live much longer. I push away the thoughts of suiside every day but I know it's there and the plan is in place...I just have to be sure that I want to live a completely full life among other people or not live at all. I'm scared. Sharon, I know you will respond...you always do, and I love you for it. You always have very good advise. But I'd also like to hear from others of you...I know you're there. I am really in need of some imput from as many as can put their fingers to the keyboard. I need to figure this out. My two posts this morning are really a combination so you will need to read both to get the full picture of what's going on with me today. Luv to you all. Camey "We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time"
Lyrics by Jordin Sparks |
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sharone
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I think that the behavioral changes I've made are becoming permanent. Not only that, I am beginning to take them for granted, as if these behaviors are native/natural/organic. It's the coolest thing to go out and not doubt myself all the time. I'm figuring that I am 80% in this new head. There are times when the old me surfaces and at this stage, I don't see that that will ever really change, but, who knows. The nice part of this is that when that 20% surfaces, I don't put myself on the rack for it. It is what it is and THAT self needs to be protected and treated sympathetically, too. So, the upshot of all of this is that my son is 16, very intuitive and able to analyze his mother's behavior in a way that leaves me no place to hide. He can point things out to me about myself and I am thrilled that he is intuitive and separate from me. It gives him an opportunity to grow beyond his mother, it puts the responsibility on him for his own life because I can finally take responsibility for who I am. What's more, my behavior and his questioning it even makes us laugh now. I am realizing that growing through all of this can really make our most important relationships better. It's a tough row to hoe, this avpd and s/a, but, man, what a rich journey it is, too! So, permanent or transition, I still don't know...seems like once something's etched on our personalities, it never really goes away, just adds depth. |
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CherrieAngel
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"Once something is etched onto our personalities it never really goes away...." that's awesome When I think back to the way I used to be and how I am now I know there is a HUGE difference. My mom still likes telling people about how she used to have to DRAG me kicking and screaming to school bcuz I didn't want to go. Why did I not want to go? Well sheesh there are PEOPLE at school!!!! lol. It's like I started out at a hardcore 100% avoidant/social anxiety....and as life went on (and goes on still) its slowly decreasing. My 9th grade high school math teacher asked my parents if there was anything at home bothering me (like a divorce or something) bcuz I never said a word to anyone in class, ever. My behavior was so 'abnormal' i had teachers concerned about me, he wasn't the only one. So yeah, this has been an ongoing thing throughout my whole life. Thank the good Lord above none of my 3 bio children are anything like this - not even close. They are social, outgoing and active. Everything I never was - and (in a lot of ways) still am not. Good discussion topic Group Leader for the....
Self-Injury,
Borderline Personality Disorder,
Bisexuality &
Tourettes Syndrome Groups. |
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apieceofwork
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When I was young I was a gymnast and a dancer...both very good at. I was on the olympic trial team at one point when I gave up competitive gymnastics to just compete for my high school and have more free time with friends. Dance, I was in a company and did lots of performances. I had one best friend. She knew everything about me. She's the only one I trusted to open up to. I lots of other friends. I was in the "in crown" in school...the popular crowd. But I always felt like an outsider even when I was accepted as one of them. I participated in parties and all that stuff with our group of friends but still never felt I belonged there. I didn't feel pretty enough or thin enough (I was a gymnast so I was solid muscle, not fat. But I hated the muscle) I wanted to be a twig. My hair wasn't blonde enoough...lol...not at all. My hair was very dark brown. I guess I wasn't the barbie doll that I thought I needed to be. So, my whole life I felt like a fake. Like I was in a group that I didn't really belong in. When I went to college, I went through pledge week with the sororities. I think this event may have really been the thing that threw me off the cliff!!! The most prestigious sororities rejected me. Either I wasn't tall and thin enough or pretty enough or one of them only accepted blondes. And of course, they have to ask what your father does. Well, my father wasn't a doctor. He was a painting contractor. That sounds so low class but he had a huge, successful business and did shopping malls and factories and hospitals and was the only company within 7 states that could be bonded for those large jobs. He made more money than most doctors. But it was an embarassement to say my dad was a painting contractor and I know that, among my other lacking attributes, is what only got me accepted into lesser prestigeous sororities...so I declined and acted like I hated the idea of conforming to sorority rules. In reality, it broke my heart. Wow, I haven't thought about that since college...one of those things that got repressed and I just pulled it up. Instead of being in a sorority, I slept around alot in college to feel accepted...most of them football players. After all, everyone wanted to be dating a football player. They were like celebrities! University of Iowa, Big 10 school...athletes were Gods! Enough for now...but I'm glad a pandoras box was just opened...maybe its time I take a look at whats inside here! Thanks! Camey "We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time"
Lyrics by Jordin Sparks |
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sharone
Posts: 356
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CherrieA, it is SO impressive to me that you didn't visit this mental health stuff on your kids! I think Camey has mentioned that hers are free of it, too. I just didn't have the wherewithall to accomplish that. I guess I am taking a different route, tho, and, fingers crossed, it appears to be working so far! |
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CherrieAngel
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My kids drag my ass out to do stuff all the time, lol. They're like my angels Group Leader for the....
Self-Injury,
Borderline Personality Disorder,
Bisexuality &
Tourettes Syndrome Groups. |
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"MD Junction is my second home, Where my friends are always ready with advise , compassion and a kind word or two. Where I can always be myself never having to put on a brave face or smile if I don't feel like it.
