Hi, my 8 year old is autistic, need support

I'm Mike. I am married to a wonderful woman, and I have 3 children, 12 (boy), 11 ( girl) and 8 (boy). My youngest is autistic. Though he is sweet, I consider him severe. (Can't talk very much except echoalia type stuff, or ask simple questions, he is not toilet trained, etc.)

The toughest part for me to be quite honest is that I am all alone. My wife is very very religious, and believes absolutely the God is going to completely and totally heal him instantly at any moment. She does not even want me to say the word "autistic" in her presense. As you can imagine this has created a problem for me with respect to having support.

I read alot about how parents of autistic children tend to have friends who also have autistic children. I get sad when I hear this, because I am actually jealous. My wife wants to avoid autism entirely. I have no friends at this point.

I have been worried lately about my son and my family's future. I would love to talk to poeple here and share our experiences. I love my son very much, and my family. I just often have no idea if I am doing enough. My wife is completely going a hyper religious route, and since I work, she is the only support I have. She is the one who will work for my son's rights, but because she is convinced his autism will simply go away at any moment, I fear she does not do enough of the "real life" things that he needs. Anyway I am rambling. Thank you. -Mike

Post edited by: Mick2g0, at: 04/22/2008 12:57

I also have Aspergers syndrome.

let me know what I can do to help

shell

my name is Sharon and I also have 3 children, 16 boy, 12 girl and 7 boy. Very similar to yours. My youngest also is autistic. It is a hard thing to accept but when you finally do the doors just kind of open up to all that is available to you. I didn't accept my son's diagnosis right away either but I found it was easier to accept him as he is and work with who he is. It is much easier.

What does the school say about your son? Is he getting services? If it helps your wife, don't say autism but say developmental delays and then at least maybe she will see the importance of getting services like OT, PT, Speech etc. Early intervention is so important for these children.

I wish you good luck and come back when you need to vent or some advice. Shell is very good with the advice as she has experienced a lot. Get on the internet and see what programs there might be for you where you live too.

Take care,

Sharon

I'm sorry you don't have the support you need, my son is so sweet as well and does not have many words but they are coming. He still is just echoing as well, it's not easy I can relate to your life somewhat. My in-laws are very religous as well and they think Rorey will just out grow it. Maybe you should have your wife go to a support group, just to help her realize that he does have Autism and God will not heal him but the more help he gets he will improove in life. He may not be a typical child but what is a typical these days. There has been days that I get afraid for my family and my marriage. I have four children 10 yr old boy w/ADD, 8yr old boy w/Autism, 6yrs old girl w/PDD/NOS, and a 3yr old girl who is fine so far. We have had some tough times but we always say that our marriage came first and we vowed to God to stay together in good times and bad. So maybe you can have a real heart to heart talk with your wife and be realistic and tell her things will get better. There is also nothing wrong with being religous either it has got us through a lot. You both need to be on the same page for things to happen though. I don't mean to sound like I know it all, but the more you accept it the better off you both will be. If you ever need support or just vent go right ahead we are all on the same ship!

Take Care

Janet

Post edited by: RJ2003, at: 04/23/2008 09:02

I too have three children (3-year-old twins and a 1-year-old). All are on the spectrum.

My husband has had a difficult time grasping the whole Autism/Autistic diagnosis. Until I came here, I too had no one to support.

This is a great group and I hope that you find the support it sounds like you are in need of.

Again, Welcome!!!!

My son came up to me a couple of minutes ago and snuggled with me all the while mutterin ritualistic sounds that he does. He has recently developed some new sounds he makes and some new habits. I think that bothers my wife because she feels like it is in the wrong direction. I actually think the new stuff he is doing is cute. I hope he is happy in there. He is always smiling and lauging. I like to believe that is the happiest of the bunch.

It's not easy but we are all he has and we just want the best for him.

That is so awesome, those sounds are his way of telling you he loves you. Also the more noises he makes the more he will reconize that he has a voice, it just has to come out. Just have faith that one day he will talk. I didn't think Rorey would talk at all, he says somes word but he still echoes a lot. I went to a renowned doctor from Children's Hospital in Boston. He specializes in speech in children. He told me if Rorey didn't say anything at all he would worry, but if he is echoing there is hope that he will talk one day. Another doctor told me that if he doesn't talk by the time he is five he will not talk. I don't go to that doctor anymore. It sound like your doing a wonderful Job! I always smothered my kids with love since they were born, and I continue to, that's why I think Rorey is so huggie and lovey. Some children with autism don't even like to be touched, I would be devastated if I could not hug him Have a great day!

Janet

I believe you just did the correct thing by reaching out and recognizing it for what it is....Although strong spiritual belief is often a sustaining life force through pain and suffering...unrealistic thinking does not help...

I'm not sure if I have any answers for you...(if you read my post you may understand why)

Perhaps in time your wife will become more grounded in the matter...I believe your desire to try and be rational about this inspite of all the strong emotion regarding the matter...which has its place and validity is the best stand for you to make...

I know that my ex girlfriend had alot of difficulty with having her son speak, etc...the schools and programs available can help with that as I am sure you are aware ..if they can be utilized...

Bill