Hiding our pain from our family!

I learnt a long time ago that people cannot mind read,they dont know what I want unless I at least give them a clue.

if people assume you are coping they will not offer help,and it sounds like you try to do everything yourself.

Shielding your family will not change the fact that he has a diagnosis and it will not help in at all 'Honesty with them and yourself is the best policy'

He will lead a semi normal life once he can learn how to fit ,I am married with 6 children four of them autistic even though I struggled growing up undiagnosed I survived and he will to.I am not saying it is easy it is not and every day takes so much controlling but we cope.

It happpens there is no choice in the matter it has happened end of story but remember just who has the problem here.

Do not look at him with pity ,look at him in awe he is has near to perfect has you can get.

have a cry have a scream bite your lip and tell them all.let them decide what to do

shell

Post edited by: spectrummum, at: 03/26/2008 16:29

I think what you are describing in your post as "moms carrying more than most" is the grief we carry at the loss of our children's possible future.

As Shell has so wonderfully put, that was our idea of their possible future not the real future that they have in store.

It is a difficult pill to swallow and, there are times/days that I look at one, the other or all three of my boys and tears well up. I have no idea what the future holds for them but I am going to do everything possible to make it the fullest future they can have (just as I would have done if they hadn't been put on the spectrum.

I hope this makes sense. I am having one of my difficult BP days so I sometimes don't make sense to myself, let alone to others.

Hang in there. You have found a great group here.

Thank you so much, just to chat helps me immensely. I know that when I wrote that, that was my selfish day. When I look at my boy and see what he and I have accomplished with autism, I smile! I don't know what the future has in store, no one does...but I will make his future the best I can get it. I will try to share my emotions more with others, I know that has always been difficult for me. I always try to be grateful, as I have alot to be grateful for. This is just tough, as I know that you understand what I mean. Have a peaceful day and I'll chat later.

Thanks

Never, ever feel like you need to apologize for what you are going through or feeling on any particular day or time.

You need to let out those thoughts and feelings and not keep them pent up inside of yourself.

If you do not share, you will explode. Believe me, you don't want to do that.

Do not ever feel like you are being a complainer, whiner, .........

We all have those days and you will find that we have posts much like yours (or, in my case, I also put posts in my diary).

That is the point of support groups, when some are down, the others support and vice versa.

You just keep on talking...........

Thank you so much for the support, I can't believe how much I have kept this to myself to handle. I know that I handle the emotions of my son alone, my husband doesn't understand, I think it truely is that he doesn't understand, not that he doesn't want to. I am trying more and more to open up to him, but its hard, most of the time he just changes the subject or doesn't respond, pretty tough! I am a patient and understanding person and a try to listen to my family and friends, but I know that I need to express whats inside of me. This is tough and I need support. Thank you so much....

My husband was/is having a difficult time too. I think it has to do with the fact that these are his sons and men are always so proud to have sons who will continue the family line and be like them.......

It is hard, on the men, because their son's are "not perfect".

It is also difficult on granparents for the same reason, "How can my grandchild be anything but 'perfect'?"

What I hate to tell them is that these children are perfect. They are just who they were meant to be: Perfectly loveable, Perfect Individuals, Perfectly act like kids............

Hang in there and just keep talking (either with Shell or me or anyone else here on MDJunction or family or friends...............)