Autism Support Group

We have custody of Angel, our granddaughter. She is almost 2 1/2 and we have had her since she was 2 months. My stepdaughter,her mother, has always said the boyfriend she was with was NOT the father. As did he. But the state found her and sent her forms to name te dad so they could get child support. For some reason she put him down. This was done about 3 months ago. yesteray, after not hearing from them since she was 2 months old, this idjet(yes I know how to spell idiot but he's just an idjet) called and wanted to know how"daddy's little girl" was doing. I lethim know he is not her "daddy". and why did it take this long to ask about her. He said he was in prison I say thereare phones and that the mail service with post office still works. Then he admitted he was getting hit up for child support and said if he is the daddy-and I told him he is not her daddy-If he is the FATHER is what he should say, well if he is then he wants to know how she is doing and visit. I said get the tests done and if you are, I will send you a picture- BUT know that we will fight until our last breath to keep either one of you from contact.We WILL keep her because in our home mommy and daddy are called AHMA AND PAPA. So a little stress here lately but we are fine. Angel is not only affected by the meth her mother used but has been diagnosed as autistic and mildly mentally retarded. According to the courts in June, WE are the best place for her. Grateful to have her to love and nurture

Thanks for your input. And if he were clean and not using drugs himself, that wouldn't be a problem. But neither one of them, whether he's the father or not, can stay clean. I know drugs are bad. But I do not want this little girl to be around meth labs and cocaine and all the other drugs involved. If he is the father, I would have no problem giving him pictures and updates on her, but unless he changes 1000%, I would not want him around her. And the mother has abandoned 4 children now including Angel. So I would have no problem whatsoever with her not being in Angels life. I'm old fashioned I know. But I have had to deal with the older 2 and their abandonment issues. And it is not a good thing. But I do appreciate your input. Thank you for taking the time to respond

Also, at this point Angel doesn't even know who she is-doesn't respond to her name anyway. Is somewhere else a good part of the time. So if she continues in this way, she won't even know. Right now she has no idea what a parent is. Except she knows that we are the ones to go to when she has a need. She does't call us anything either. Non communicative. If she progresses, and he improves that 1000% and she wants to know him, I wouldn't say no. I have learned to not say NEVER but this one is pretty close to that-I will leave it to the future to see where we go

ty mindii, I appreciate it. And I do know that she feels love for us. She is slooowwlly coming out and we are grateful for it all. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me

Hiya, Ahma1953!

I can only imagine how angry you are. No contact, denying he's even related, drugs, jail....I don't blame you for wanting to keep him as far from her as possible...her mother, too.

I guess that after you see how it plays out over and over, you decide to just stop it before it starts. I feel the same way over a lot of things. Including my daughters...(15 and 18 years).

I applaud you for being willing to give the (possible) biological father a chance if he does the things you (quite rightly, in my mind) demand! I wouldn't demand anything less, myself.

All I can say in that regard is stick to your guns! Trust your gut instinct. And always, always do what you believe to be right for Angel! (Funny, I've always called my eldest daughter my Angel...not her name, but I can compare her to little else.)

As to what you were saying about how Angel is in her own world and doesn't even acknowledge anything, other than knowing to come to you and your husband when she needs something...that last part right there is awesome! That means she is aware of herself, her needs, and how to get those needs taken care of.

My grandson,, who was diagnosed as "moderately autistic", used to be the exact same way. And there was always this lack of a desire to learn. It was so strange to me. But, I started trying to figure out how to get his attention. Calling his name wouldn't work, no matter if we talked softly or loudly or snapped or were gentle with our words...never got his attention. I finally found out that snapping in front of his face would make him look up at my fingers. I was able to keep snapping very loudly while bringing my hand to stop in front of my face, then I would lower my hand and speak to him. For a brief 5 seconds, he focused on me. It pulled him out of his world for a breath and made him acknowledge a part of his surroundings...me. I kept doing it off and on throughout the day, usually only one time every hour or so.

The beginning of May, he wasn't saying a word, but he was acknowledging when his name was called and he was interacting with us. I noticed with him that it was as though the physical growth spurts all children go through was what his mind was going through. One day, he wouldn't have a clue how to do something, then, the next 4 days, he made one amazing leap after another, then, for another month or 3 -- nothing. then it would happen again! He turned 3 on June 6, and as though overnight, he started talking. The words aren't pronounced really well, save for a few. But he went from not talking and wanting to play all the time (although he did learn a few words in sign language -- 'more' 'please' 'hungry') to repeating almost anything anyone says to him to the best of his ability! It still feels like it's been forever in coming, but it's here now! And it's wonderful to see/hear!

I feel sure Angel will progress like that, as well. It will seem forever, but she'll get it! And it will probably come in spurts, as one thing clicks in her mind, others will, too.

Well, I've rambled enough for one night, I guess!

I hope you all have a lovely Sunday! We've got a family reunion to go to, which is going to be pretty slammed, as my husband is really making his first appearance to his family (other than mother and a couple of siblings) since he was diagnosed with stage 3c colorectal cancer. I'm worried about how he's going to feel as the day progresses, as his first round of chemo since his surgeries was this past Wednesday and it hit him kind of hard. Also, Squeaky has been having nightmares tonight. Woke up twice now, and it took his mother nearly an hour to calm him and get him back to sleep this last time. He'll be grumpy! LOL...

It's gonna be fun!!

Goodnight!

Hugz,

Zin

Thank you for your response. I'm not worried about the ex boyfriend, father or whatever. It just makes me wonder how a person can go for 2 1/2 years with no inquiries or attempts at contact with a precious child BUT even more so how they can expect to just walk right into their lives as though they had never been gone. There are a lot of lost, deluded people in this world and I am afraid tht my step daughter and the bunch of people she IS with and HAS BEEN with are at the top of the pile. I'm sorry but it's just heart breaking the things young adults do these days to their children. Again thanks for your response. Hope you have a good day and excuse My rambling

Well, I know we get right down in front of her. We continually use her name even tho she doesn't respond. We do get down with her and her activities. We have her in therapies and are doing those things they suggest We mainly love her and use every moment as a teaching moment. Spend a lot of time talking to "myself" while she is absorbing it all I know. I know that SOME day it will be better and that she will progress. Until then, we just do what we can and wait patiently. Celebrating the little accomplishments as though they were large ones, because in reality, they Are! Thanks for your response and consideration

I want to apologize if I sound upset with ANYONE. I most certainly am NOT I appreciate all the input and suggestions that any of you take the time to give me. So forgive me please if I appeared unappreciative or upset with anyone. That really isn't how I am most of the time. I am glad to be on this community and look forward to being here fora long time. Thank you again

You are fine! No worries! Look forward to getting to know you better!

Hugz,

zin