Autism Support Group

Because my girlfriend's daughter is autistic and my son is not, I have a question for others who are in the same situation, or just anyone. How does this situation affect the other child or children involved? I ask because any time we have the two children together my son at times seems sad because her daughter doesn't want to play,he doesn't quite understand why. Her mood swings sometimes make him extremely sad, and other difficulties are hard on him. How do you handle this? Is it fair to put him through this? Thanks..

Life isn't fair! Is it fair that we have children with disabilities? These are the thoughts that race through my head and it helps me try to make light of difficult situation. My oldest daughter says her head hurts when my son screams...I know cuz mine hurts too. I really wish there was a good answer that will fix these things, but there prob isn't. Prob just Deal with it the best you can. Hopefully someone else will give a good formulates answer...I am not good at doing that.

Your answer wasn't bad, honestly it was along the same lines as what I was already thinking. I dont really think that there is something that can be done. I know all about the screaming, he covers his ears all the time.It is hard to deal with, but I agree-doing the best you can is the most that can be done. Thank you for your honest response.

You're welcome. I wish you the best.

Of course there are going to be struggles in a family with special needs kids but it's how you deal with those struggles that make or break a family. Siblings do have to go through a lot when dealing with a brother or sister with special needs but that's not always a bad thing in the long run, sure it stinks sometimes but there are good times too. In our family my 6yr old autistic son has two older sisters who are fiercely protective of him. They love getting him to interact and play with them. They are like Sam's own personal cheer leading squad, they give him lots of praise when he plays nice or does something out of his comfort zone. It warms my heart to see my daughters develop such love and patience for their brother, qualities that will shape the already amazing people they are.

You know what, I have been thinking about this. I am so consumed with my son...being stressed out and teaching him, that I let the older ones fend for themselves. That's not right! I'm not the same dad to them I was before autism entered our family. It's not fair to them, but unless something miraculous happens, things probably won't change.

You can't change the fact that you have a child with special needs but there are things you can do to make the situation more bearable. We are lucky enough to have an angel for a respite worker. She takes Sam for a few hours a week so we can do things that would be difficult to do if Sam were with us. We actually take our girls on dates. We go to the mall, the movies, out to eat, things that Sam would really not like. We do plenty of things as a family where Sam is included but it's nice to let the girls have some time where brother isn't the main focus. I also believe it's easier on siblings if there is open communication. If one of my girls comes to me looking like she's about to rip her hair out because Sam is jumping all over and destroying a freshly cleaned room, has broken something or is just being a pain, we deal with it right away. It would be easy to immediately say that "Sam doesn't know better" or "what did you do to provoke him" but that woun't be fair. Sam needs to learn how to respect boundaries so we hold him accountable for his actions even though he's autistic.

Yes you are the same dad you were before. You just happen to have more on your plate than before. Be that same dad to your older kids when you have time alone with them. Remind them how much you love them. Let them know how much you appreciate their help and their patience. They will respect you for that. It really is wonderful to see a father so involved, bless your heart!!

Thanks so much. I will try doing better about getting alone time with the other two. It's hard because I want Me time, time alone with wife, etc... Not enough time to go around!!! what is respite?

I have been feeling kind of bad, but your statement about blessing my heart for being involved made me cry(happy). Thanks a lot...sometimes you need to hear or read stuff like that.

Ibanez, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. The lows suck! You are an amazing Dad. We all feel like we could do better I think....and there definitely aren't enough hours in the day. You are so brave and wonderful for opening up and sharing your struggles with us. Since you have started posting again, SO many more men have joined our group than in the past. I just wanted to give you some much deserved praise and "ups". You have been so kind and helpful to so many of us here.

Respite care is a service provided by the state for caregivers of those with special needs ( no matter what age ). It is basically meant to give us all a much needed break for a couple of hours, or even overnight if needed...and the respite caregiver is willing. The caregivers have experience dealing with ( in this example ) ASD children, and often may have one of their own. It is a fantastic program....if you are approved. Ultimately, it depends on the funds that remain available in your state and if it is deemed you qualify. You should contact your service coordinator and inquire about it.

I also discovered that there are caregiver sites on the web with people who are experienced with ASD kids. You do have to join and pay a monthly fee ( which is why I didn't at this time ). The caregivers usually charge upwards of $10/hr. My friend with a child who has ADHD uses one just for 3 hrs every Tues, and loves it.

Thanks for the verbal praise...you better stop before my head explodes! Lol I'm happy that more dads are getting involved!!!!!! By the way...you have been so instrumental in helping me through things...I can never say thank you enough! Also JensVoice has been very helpful!

Wow this respite care thing would be totally awesome!!! My state is probably one of the ones that doesn't approve this care for autism, but I will definitely look into it!

I will check out the child care sites for my area...I'm guessing they do all the required background checks, right?

Thanks so much!!

Post edited by: Ibanez, at: 03/08/2012 07:54 AM