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01/28/2012 02:59 AM

At a cross roads & I don't know which way to turn

endofmyrope1Posts: 5
New Member

Hello. I'm new to this group so I will just let you know that we have a 9 year old son with AS (Asperger's Syndrom - for those who may not know). He was diagnosed almost five years ago and the road has been very tiring, trying, and is taking it's toll. Aside from trying to handle, teach, and guide his teachers every year all year, we are struggling with him as well. We just moved to WV about five months ago and we are struggling to find a dr. who can prescribe him his medication.(because he's on medicaid) He's been off his meds since November and we have an appointment with his pediatrician to get him on his ADHD meds at least. However he's been doing well up until yesterday when he missed the bus.Sad

Because we only have one vehicle right now, and since my husband was at work yesterday (he works and hour away) i decided to keep our son home from school. I used the only form of discipline we use (grounded to his bed) to which we never have a problem with except for his continuous getting up and apologizing. I went about doing what I normally do when he's gone to school, Laundry, so I was downstairs in the basement. Things were quiet with our son so I figured he fell asleep (which happens often when he is grounded) and I didn't think anything of it. Next thing I know I've got someone pounding on our front door.

I went to answer the door, and there in front of me is a police officer with our son, (wearing slippers, regular clothes, a winter coat, and a packed bag) and his principle from school! he had decided to run away because he didn't feel anyone cared about him including the bus driver. Told the person who found him that we had brought him up here from NC and left him here, and he slept on the streets last night! I was mortified. I spent the next half an hour getting reprimanded by the police officer (who never identified himself) about not having our son on meds, not keeping an eye on him etc, etc. he ran my drivers license, asked for my phone number and told me i'd be hearing from child services and that if it happened again I'd be arrested! Then he left. I was in tears to say the least.

So my cross roads.....should I try to put our son into a residential facility or no? Any advice?Dizzy Dizzy Dizzy Dizzy

Post edited by: endofmyrope1, at: 01/28/2012 03:05 AM


01/29/2012 10:01 AM
Posts: 1
New Member

My heart goes to you. I live in Maryland and moved here from Pennsylvania 7 years ago. It has been a nightmare getting services to manage my son . The differences betweeen states is devasting!!!! The police had no right to reprimand you with out having all the facts! Drugs do not fix the problem. The Police should clearly be educated about Autism. Our children are so often perceived as being like juevilnile deliquents and our society wants to treat them that way. There reaction to our children Can only make things worse. Please try to get hooked with what ever support services you can in your area. As for the physician they are hard to find anywhere. SOmetimes it is worth traveling a little further to get a good one. Try to Network through other parents to find a good one .

My son has been in a number of Residential facilities . some very good some horrible. He is at one knnow that is not a Good match for him. I will sharemore about this another time.

01/29/2012 11:42 AM
endofmyrope1Posts: 5
New Member

Thank you so much for your understanding. i would love any information you may have.

01/30/2012 10:09 AM
Posts: 9
New Member

02/01/2012 02:15 PM
Posts: 37

I've also had problems with my son sneaking out of the house... and he tends to play the martyr, and lies whenever he thinks he can benefit from it. It's challenging to say the least! I'm in the process of gathering all of the resources available in my area for help. Again. I've been here before, but as my son has gotten older, the trials are all new and different now. Childrens Division terrifies me... and they are involved in my life as well.. the truth to them is, they have no boundaries. They can do what they will- when they will.. and there's very little us mere mortals can do about it. Thus the reason so many children are taken from caring parents... while others are placed right back into abusive homes.

So I always have and always will jump through any hoops they ask me to, because my main goal is to keep my son at home with me... because that is the best place for him!

I know being at home is not always the best thing for a child with disabilities, and I would never say you are wrong to consider letting him go elsewhere... but I'm concerned that you may only be considering it because of the way you were treated. Please don't let anyone else tell you what is best for your child. The truth is... only YOU can know that. As their parent, we see our children for who they are..we know them better than anyone else, and we know ourselves - and how much we can take.

Just don't let yourself be bullied into making decisions... I almost let it happen to me once, and my son would only have suffered for it.

Good luck!


02/24/2012 02:36 AM
endofmyrope1Posts: 5
New Member

Thank you to everyone who's replied to my initial story. Here's an update. Child Protective Services came to our house on the 1st of this month and we haven't heard anything from anyone about the matter. Our agent said she felt it was an isolated incident but she'd have to get her boss to see it that way as well before the case could be closed. So far no word.

So far our son has been placed on ONE of his medications. Intuniv for his ADHD symptoms. Once we received that I started him on it right away. I know it wasn't meant to be a quick fix (since nothing is with him) but I was hoping it would help him more than it has. Unfortunately he's on a downward spiral and he's only getting worse. We've taken him out of school (which I think is quite amazing how easy the process was to pull him out. It was easier than enrolling him!) at the encouragement of his principle and are homeschooling him as I speak. How's that going you might ask? Well it isn't going well to say the least. He shut down completely yesterday around 11:30 and refused to do anything else. His brother (14 months older) came home from school yesterday and acidently bumped his arm making him mess up on his drawing. Jonathan flipped out; started kicking his brother catching him in the jaw and coming dangerously close to dislocating it.

The other day we went for a walk and because he wasn't paying attention, almost got hit by a car twice. He's becoming a danger to himself and now to his brother! His thought process has become very morbid, saying things like "I wonder what it would feel like to be stabbed", or "I'd like to get into an acident, flip the car, get impaled, and then blow up! I think that would be so cool!" And for the record, I monitor EVERYTHING he watches, and no I don't allow him to watch things that have that kind of content in it.

We finally have an appointment to see a psychiatrist but it isn't until April 19th! We are looking into Residential facilities, treatment programs and education programs for him because we've decided that the best course of action is to place him where he can get the help he needs...However, the first place I looked into wants $383 per deim and $61,000 per year for education! I've looked into some state operated treatment facilities and everyone has a waiting list of at least six months or more! We don't know what we are going to do. We fear for our son's safety and we also fear for everyone else's in the house as well. I can't discipline him because I'm afraid he will hurt himself, but then again, I can't just let him get by with bad behavior either.

My mother in law has suggested flooding doctors, treatment facilities and even my congressmen with letters and emails. She even suggested going to the news papers and telling our story so that maybe someone will listen and help us. I guess that's the only thing I can do.

Any suggestions?

03/01/2012 04:55 AM
Posts: 18
New Member

I know people that have made their kids wards of the state so that they could be placed in appropriate facilities. It was a life saver for them. You might look into it, given the interest in violent fantasies to himself.

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