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11/06/2011 06:03 PM

Hard night last night

Ericksmom1
 
Posts: 13
New Member

I was probably the only one in the room with my head spinning. I was thinking why does this not bother anyone else but I was the only one that seemed to not be able to let it go. We were at a friends house so my husband could play poker. Our friends have 2 kids and I brought my 5. Usually our outings dont effect my son but yesterday they really did. He was playing upstairs with the other kids and he just started crying. It was an uncontrolable crying and he wouldnt calm down to tell me what was wrong. Turns out later I found out that the kids were playing a video game and they spelled his name wrong. That was all, and he was so upset. From then on nothing went well the rest of the night. He thought they didnt like him and cried, he couldnt figure out a game and cried, he got upset and hit his sister and when she hit him back he cried. Im not sure if it was because this was the first time in this house or what it was but it bothered him more than most. The thing that really bothered me was trying to explain to my 10 year old that whenever he get upset like that, she needs to come to me before getting upset with him. She told me "Mommy sometimes he gets me so mad, its not fair". Shes right, it isnt fair but its reality. Im not sure on how to tell her to treat him like a younger brother but understand he isnt a typical younger brother. Once again this may not be a big deal to most but it broke my heart. Just needing to vent.
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11/07/2011 05:46 AM
sweetboy
 
Posts: 24
New Member

That is so sad. i hope things get better for you. We went on vacation to Myrtle Beach with my brother and his wife and their 3 kids. His cousin asked what was wrong with my son and if we needed to take him to the dr's to get his mouth fixed? she is 5 so she really doesn'tunderstand. my son is 4 and is non-verbal. he has a younger brother that is 1 and i know eventually i'm going to have questions on his big brother. I guess we just have to take one day at a time. Sorry you had to go through that, i know it must be really frustrating. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

11/07/2011 06:27 AM
Ericksmom1
 
Posts: 13
New Member

That must be hard dealing with non verbal frustration. Im sorry to hear about kids already asking about why. I understand kids will be kids, but how do you explain that. I have one older child but 3 younger ones after Erick. My 4 year old is the closest to understanding but she isnt asking questions yet. In fact thats who Erick prefers to hang out with. He is going on 8 but plays with 5 and 4 year olds. He will shy away from older kids if he gets the chance. Im thinking its because they are non judgemental. I appreciate the response because in a group situation I do feel alone. I am getting to the point about not caring about the looks he gets anymore. I shouldnt have to explain everytime I go somewhere that he has Autism. Another day right!

11/07/2011 08:36 AM
JensVoice

I can relate to how you feel. i wanted to just suggest buying some books for your other kids...."Everybody Is Different: A Book for Young People Who Have Brothers or Sisters With Autism" by fionna bleach, or even just going to Amazon and typing in "my brother has autism". There are many books geared towards young kids that try to explain Autism in kid friendly ways. Making special time for our NT kids alone is important as well as I am sure you already know. These tough moments hurt as a parent, but keep being strong !

11/08/2011 06:08 AM
sweetboy
 
Posts: 24
New Member

I feel the same way when i go out and people look at him differently. You don't want to tell them he has autism because it just doesn't seem like it's anybody else's business. But at the same time you feel like you need to explain to them. I know someone who carries cards on them and whenever someone stares she just hands them on. it explains autism and gives them the website for autism speaks. I'm just not that direct. anyway, this support group has helped a little. so thanks to everyone for talking back.

11/26/2011 10:52 PM
Rainsmom
Rainsmom  
Posts: 37
Member

WOW! Reading this discussion has been like a look into my own life all over again!

Things have gotten tremendously better for me as my son has improved so much over the years.. I am so very Blessed!!! But I do still encounter situations where others expect me to "explain" about my child.

There was one incident that I just LOVE to relate to others, as it will forever leave me with a deep love for my friend and employer. I was shopping with my son when he was 4 and we ran across my boss in the store.. shortly after, he began to have a serious meltdown (I think it was the music playing at the time that set him off)... so I did the only thing I was able to do back then... remove us from the store!

My son was kicking and fighting so hard, he lost a shoe halfway to the door, so my boss picked it up to follow us out with us. No sooner did I get out the door with an uncontrollable 4yr old in hand, than a couple of women who were watching the scene made a few snide comments about 'my spoiled child' and 'lack of control' over my child and 'parents today' ect.... To which my boss... who was very well aware of everything going on with my son, turned on them and went off.

I truly wish I could have seen it.. my boss is one of the sweetest tempered people I have EVER met! And by this point in life, I had gotten past the need to 'explain' about my son to perfect strangers...but knowing that she took a stand that way in our defense... it was a GREAT feeling!

And I think it was all the proof I ever needed that my decision NOT to 'explain' to everyone what was going on was the right choice. The people who truly matter already know. Let everyone else think what they will... they really don't have any power over our feelings if we don't let them anyway!

Wishing all of you love and better days ahead!!

RM

Post edited by: Rainsmom, at: 11/26/2011 10:55 PM

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