Autism Support Group

haven't posted anything in a long time. my husband has been going out of town for work during the week and coming home on the weekends for a while and i have been pretty busy.

We got a referral for christian to see a pediatric neurologist. and we got an appointment right away. i was really surprised. we went to the appointment and the doctor said that because he is so young its hard to make a definite diagnosis but that he does see reason to be concerned. he ordered a blood test he wants christian to see a psychologist and he thinks that christian needs to be watched. it was such a relief to hear him say that. now i have a medical professional who sees the same thing i do. but i was so happy to hear that that i didn't mention to him that christian seems to be getting "worse" almost. just the past few days he has been getting frustrated more often and lining his toys up more than he used to. he used to do it like once maybe twice a day and some times he would even skip a day (or atleast i wouldn't notice) and now its like 4 or 5 times a day and he gets very upset if some one (his baby sister) breaks the line. but maybe that is something to tell the psychologist. and i think maybe the fact that daddy has been gone so much contributed too. but daddy is home now and hopefully things will start to improve.

I know what a relief it is to know you are not overreacting (((HUGS)))

the start of your journey is underway

god bless

shell xx

Thanks. now i am a little nervous. when christian was a year old he had a blood test and his lead level was elevated. the cut off number is 10 before they start medicating i guess. he was at 10. so the doc watched and it went down. about 9 months after his original test ( and sevral tests later) he was at a normal level. the neurologist ordered a blood test and i am slightly nervous that it will have gone back up for some reason.

this morning was a bad morning for me. christian was screaming about who knows what and aaron (my 5 year old) wanted to sit on my lap and yap in my ear. all i wanted was some quiet, the house was a total disaster and i neede to relax. i ended up yelling at both of the boys and later on my husband. i feel bad about yelling at the boys but not my husband. he's been gone and now that he is home it's only more mess to clean up, not so much help. i am trying to be understanding, i know he is exhausted. he was working 10-12 hour days and driving 4 hours each way from home to work once a week and i know he didn't get to catch up on sleep much when he was home, but i can only take so much. its hard to have 3 kids by yourself all of them needing different kinds and amounts of attention and i don't think my husband has an inkling of a clue as to what that was like for me. ....but men don't think like women. they are built differently, we are meant to compliment eachother and with our combined efforts we can raise happy kids. but sometimes.....

thanks for letting me rant a little. i feel better.

((HUGS right back))

how is your holiday season shaping up so far? i am nearly done with my christmas shopping (thats a miracle in its self), but i feel like this year if i get it done sooner it will be a huge stress lifted off me. for some reason this year is more stressful than any other i can remember so far. hope things are going well for you.

Beth

Honey you are posting what most of feel a some point.

I know how hard it is to have differant needs to deal with and I know what its like to put my head in my hands and "Scream **** off and leave me alone.

There is no law that says we have to take it all with a smile ,only our own pride.

I hope you feel a little better and dont be to hard on yourself ,you are only human.

shell xx

I'll cross my fingers for you Kiddo. I remember back when my husband never offered a finger, but now that the kids are grown and hub. is home all the time, he is looking for something to help with. Go figure!

Well, I am trying to say that I hear what you are saying and I am rooting for you to get some personal time. Hugs! MJ .

I know that when my husband has been very busy out of the house and my little ones follow MY routine that having my husband in the mix can be very disrupting. Although my husband and I have extremely similar parenting styles and try to follow the same routine, it is still not the "same". Also, when my husband is gone for work, which is not very often but does happen, that it is hard on the little ones having him home. I also know it is hard for me transitioning from having his gone to having him home and I don't have ASD. My husband has very little clue about what needs to be done to run a household, but if I ask him to do things, he is willing. It does get frustrating looking at another grown human and having to ask him to do things like I would my little ones, but I've resigned myself to the fact that he is not going to change.

Communication to your husband about what YOU need (and the kids) is important.

Post edited by: metalynn, at: 12/11/2008 06:54

Yeah, I got ya! My husband, even when helping, has 4 arms and one of them is always handing something I don't want, or either reaching in front of me for something when I am sooo busy!

MJ

It does get frustrating looking at another grown human and having to ask him to do things like I would my little ones

You hit the nail right on the head. I sometimes think why can't he just open his eyes and use his brain. does he not see the laundry and trash and toys all over the floor? does he not think that they should be picked up, why should i have to ask him? well.... men don't think like us, that is why God put us together. men would be lost with out women. ( now i know that some men are great and think of stuff like that but i think the majority don't) we all have our boiling points and that is when we forget the simple truth that men and women are different, our brains are structured different and therefore we thin idfferently. if i find out what his needs are and tkae cars of what he needs then he will be more likely to take care of my needs. (that's the hope anyway)

Men are a product of their upbringing and perspective on the family dynamic. It is tough to change behaviors once married (assuming you aren’t a teenager), but if you continue to do it all, you are enforcing the belief that you can and should do it all. You are guaranteeing nothing will change.

Give him simple, recurring task and supply rewards for a job well done (or just done…manage expectations). Also talk about many of the things you’ve done that day in casual conversation. Sometimes we guys forget that you don’t sit around watching soaps all day. Don’t complain of fuss about it (or run down a list). Just tell stories, working it in. This will remind him how much has to be done to keep the household going without having the defensive shields go up.

I know, easier said than done.

Good luck.

Yeah, men have changed a lot over the years though. This brings to mind what a lady that I once knew did to get her husbands attention.

He would accuse her of doing nothing all day but watching soaps. One day he came home from work and absolutely nothing HAD BEEN

DONE! Husband screamed "What the hell is THIS? Wife calmly replied that "this is what I don't do all day that you accuse me of."

LOL !

MJ

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