Autism Support Group

My son is 9 years old and in the 4th grade this year. Tomorrow my husband and I will go to the school because we are doing between 2-2 1/2 hours of homework each night. Probably for a neruo-typical kid, this would be about 1 hour of work. We will be meeting with the two main teachers (one teacher teaches certain subjects and the other teaches the subjects). We did meet with them the day before school began to introduce them to our son. Definately something I will make sure I schedule ahead of time next year instead of waiting for until the last minute. Also last year, there was a buddy system set up for him because he didn't feel like he had any friends. We will try to get this set up again.

I've actually gotten to the point in my life (maybe it's because I'll be 39 this year or maybe I'm just getting tough-skinned) where if there is a problem, I'm willing to call folks and try and to figure out a solution. In the past I would have wished it away and didn't want to rock the boat.

I'm just rambling, but I had to finally sit and type what's been going through my head for the past few days. I've always heard and read about people giving advice that if you need to confront other people or go above their heads to get stuff done, then that's what you should do. Advice that I'm sure I've given, but have never really done myself - it was usually passive. I'm not going to sit through another week or two of trying to figure out what homework we should be doing or getting frustrated over the fact that he's playing with the pre-kinders or Kindergartners because he doesn't know how to act with his own peers.

So, if you haven't gotten to that point of being vocal, don't feel like you're a bad parent, you'll get there.

Good for you! If you don't take a stand and make your concerns known nothing will change. I worry so much about how my son will handle all the stresses school will bring with the homework and social crap. I'm so glad your son is a little older than my son, it helps to hear this kind of stuff from someone who has "been there, done that".

Just a suggestion about the homework. My oldest daughter has ADD, her teacher told me that Ashton should not do more than 30 min of homework a night. Even if Ashton is not finished I am to stop her homework and sign the bottom of the page so the teacher knows Ashton did her best. It helps with the stress and tears so much!

Missymoo makes a great point about the amount of time spent on work. Since my daughter's in kindergarten, her expectations are much lower at this point, but when we do therapy sessions with her, we can't do anything longer than 2 hours, and that's with a 15 minute break out of the room away from the therapy setting after 1 hour of the session. Within the session, she's also getting 2 to 3 minute play breaks between activities. Obviously with a child who's older, they can likely work in longer increments, but I don't see anything wrong with taking breaks. Lord knows I need them occasionally myself, lol!

I understand that a lot of people tend to take a passive stance with things like this. My best friend is like that, and it bothers her a lot. I think she gets worried that she's intruding on the teacher's turf and doesn't want to cause waves. But from what I've experienced, the teachers more often than not really WANT to hear from the parents and talk to them about their child's progress. If a child is struggling or falling behind, it reflects directly on the person teaching them. And we all know that kids have to have parents who are involved in their education to be as successful as they possibly can be.

Glad to hear you got the meeting set up and I hope it's productive for you all.

My Mom is a retired specail ed teacher so she tells me about all the possible accom odations you can ask for and less problems both in class and as homework even on some tests is a common accomodation for autistic kids(she was on the high school level)

I completely know what you mean about speaking out though. In every other aspect of my life I am the most weak, walked over person. I have socail anxieties that make me not really want to leave my house and certainly not to fight with someone. I can never sleep the night before an IEP. With gritted teeth and shaking all the way to my soul I venture out and fight with people in authority, make calls and recalls(sometimes even with a tone in my voice), and worst of all court socail activities where I not only have to worry about myself doing something off putting but the near certainty that my son will. I get in the socail mix with kids, who I didn't like or understand even when I was one. I put myself in activities that will require commitees and volunteering(uuuugggghhhh!!!!) All to push my son into socail situations. I just hope he never figures out how miserable I am doing it because he would probably agree with me.

Anyway I know how hard it is and what a true measure of love