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04/25/2012 01:37 PM

Acceptance

BrownEyedGirlBEG
BrownEyedGirlBEG  
Posts: 151
Member

I was browsing the older posts on here and found one from 2009 from a woman saying it makes her angry when people say that we need to find a cure for AS and HFA.

I agree.

I feel the same anger/frustration/irritation - even confusion - when someone (people, parents, society and even some with AS) says they want to "cure" themselves, or change themselves, or try to learn how to be "normal."

But what is normal? Being a hypocrite and projecting your do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do logic upon others? Thinking everyone needs to be exactly the same? Having misconceptions about something just because of one thing or a bad experience? Or to "normal" people thinking that just because you have a mental illness means you must be a defective human being, or you must be "evil" or "morally wrong" (which I have heard from some religious folk)? Or even the fact that stay-at-home mothers are looked down upon today, but back in the day women working was looked down upon? Or how wanting to home school your children is looked down upon, but no one seems to care that public schools are horrible and their kids are getting dumber and dumber. I could keep going with examples, but I am sure my point was already made.

Everyone is "guilty" of being hypocritical (in one way or another), or guilty of character flaws. But then there are those so intolerant of flaws or difference, that they - I don't know - feel it necessary to judge you and persecute you. I think having flaws and being imperfect is inevitable, but what really urks me the wrong way is when people are chalk full of flaws, but completely - and utterly - unwillingly to accept others' flaws, and then either judge, criticize you (most times silently), or even (on a lot of occasions that I have encountered) try to force you to be like them. It baffles me and no matter how hard I have tried, I just don't comprehend it.

I like to be private and keep to myself, because I have found through my experiences that when someone doesn't like something about me (which is 98% my autistic traits) their attitude severely changes. It's like Yoshi said in another post, people only get what they want to get and are blissfully ignorant to anything that is inconvenient to them. I just don't understand what is wrong with being accepting and being yourself. If you have some bad qualities, but a good personality and willing to admit it - or just be honest about it, you're okay in my book. But the intolerance just gets under my skin.

Does anyone else feel this way? I know some people could say I have developed a bad attitude towards this type of people/thing, but I have had the rough end of the stick of life and I have seen the worst in people - people who pretend to be good and have social masks, but every now and then, you see who they truly are. No one else seems to notice it, though. And because of my social "flaws" and in-capabilities I have seen this time and time again. I have trusted and been crapped on on more hands AND toes than I can count, and the people who have criticized me the most on this complex are the same people who are hypocritical about their own issues and "ideologies."

Note: I am sorry if I offend anyone, I am just venting, because I seem to encounter people like this online all the time, and through my life and experiences.

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04/28/2012 07:47 AM
BlueYoshi
BlueYoshi  
Posts: 720
VIP Member

I'll go ahead and try to define normal, but I know it won't be a perfect definition. Normal is living a middle class lifestyle, working on stuff (be a job, school, or parenting) that you get on and off enjoyment from, and always having supportive social connections. Other traits (more American-specific now) for normal include extroversion and being able to express your feelings clearly and believably. This is stuff I had a textbook tell me but I feel it's relevant, and depending on the scenario, true.

There really is no clear normal. When someone says they want to be normal, sometimes they really mean they see someone else's life and that they want to be that person basically. Other times it means more that they just don't want to be held back by something (be it anxiety, social awkwardness, etc), but you don't need to be another person to change that. So, yeah, I agree with you. It's all silly and hypocritical.


04/28/2012 09:19 PM
LIBBYZ
LIBBYZ  
Posts: 1615
Senior Member

What I hate is the people I know who are most hateful and intolerant are some of those belonging to a church that stresses love. They must feel they are loving when they angrily criticize and force others to act the way they do. As I say this, I feel bad for being intolerant of those who are intolerant. lol

05/02/2012 09:46 AM
AsianGoddess

I think trying to be "normal" is not even rational or realistic thinking. I mean, who is normal? We all struggle with some issue! Everybody that is breathing is dealing with stuff. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. There will always be something I can do exceptionally well, that will leave you confused. There will always be something you can do brilliantly that I will have no clue where to even begin. Life is not about being perfect, or normal. Life is about learning to be the best you can be and giving your best in everything you do. I find that if I give my best, and somebody still complains or looks at me funny, oh well. I did my best, I'm happy with my product whatever the result may be. Besides, what I think about myself and who I aspire to be is the voice I listen to more nowadays than the subjective opinions and hearsay of other people. I'm not saying what people say aren't important or significant, I just listen to myself more and I'm learning to love and trust myself better each day.

05/02/2012 10:31 AM
zaylia
zaylia  
Posts: 2657
Senior Member

i agree asian goddess. im also getting much better with listening to myself and not others. i thought since i knew i was a maybe more different that "average" i should adopt other peoples ways, but no. dumb. stupid. no more. i guess i see normal as avergae. but once out of high school i dont know how accurate the averages can be. which would lose the "normal" anyways

05/02/2012 11:53 AM
AsianGoddess

I like the way you think, Zaylia!

05/03/2012 03:25 PM
BrownEyedGirlBEG
BrownEyedGirlBEG  
Posts: 151
Member

I agree as well. I have that mindset MOST of the time, but still find it hard to actually believe it. I find myself in negative thoughts and recently have started a simple technique I read about where when I have a negative thought about myself I stop myself and think a positive one. I kept repeating to myself that I am beautiful, instead of "I am not." I am taking it slow, but finding myself accepting me more and more. but again, it is just frustrating with all the hypocrisy and double-standards a lot of NTs have.

LIBBYZ: I know EXACTLY what you mean. My hubby's mother is exactly the same way. She is religious, narcissistic, controlling, manipulating and she thinks she is right all the time. She has told him many times that he needs to confess his sins and he will be a good person. But what I can't wrap my head around is how she is still the same way, doesn't change a thing about her poor behavior, but going to church on Sundays and praying somehow makes it okay. I just don't understand. She wears "social mask" so-to-speak. You know, those people who appear perfect to society, but aren't actually (even though society still believes they are anyway).

I could honestly rant about religious people - maybe even just your average people - all day, but I don't think anyone here wants to read my (fixated) rants. Ranting helps, sure, but it doesn't change others. I can only change myself.


05/14/2012 09:20 PM
LIBBYZ
LIBBYZ  
Posts: 1615
Senior Member

I suppose there are rules here are religious discussions. Anyway, whenever I start ranting like you said, BEG, I try to tell myself to put it out of mind, and .... arg. Anyway, I have nothing against religious people, I probably am one. I do try to make an effort to tell myself I do not know everything and to accept that the other person is imperfect, and so am I. As you said, we can only change ourselves. And boy, changing myself is so difficult. SmileIt is a lifelong task for me.

05/15/2012 05:35 AM
zaylia
zaylia  
Posts: 2657
Senior Member

browneyedgirl, I'm also using that techinique these days. It is very effective sometimes. Its called affirmations I'm pretty sure.. could be wrong..I have a problem with when I improve myself(or what I think anyways) and then witness so much of the hypocrisy. Gets me down, and I get lazy with self-improvement(not always but a lot)

Religious people I find to be cruel with their masks. Because a lot of the time they don't even think they have one on! They think it's just kindness or being helpful etc. I was so darn confused growing up with mormons. I knew outside of church a little better if someone liked me or not. But, church people boy, I had no clue ever. Well, I thought I did as a kid but then got bullied by those kids in school. Nothing serious, was words about me. Still hurtful.

I think everyone can always change a little, always some improvement, as long as we are learning. I find that exciting! Smile

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