Anxiety Disorders Support Group

OF COURSE THERE I GO AGAIN LOOKING THROUGH FACEBOOK, WHERE I HAVE MAYBE "50" FRIENDS. AND I SEE EVERYONE LIVING THE LIFE I WISH I HAD. LIKE HAVING A GROUP OF FRIENDS,OR A LARGE FAMILY, TRAVELLING WITH THEM OR THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. HAVING PEOPLE OVER AND DOING FUN STUFF WITH THEM...SOCIALIZING!! JUST BEING "NORMAL"...LIVING A "NORMAL" LIFE. HAVING CHILDREN. PREPARING FOR CHILDREN WITHOUT ANY FEAR THAT BAD THINGS COULD HAPPEN. MAKING FUNNY FACES, BEING SILLY, HAVING FUN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SO SOCIALLY ANXIOUS THAT I NOW HAVE NO ONE BUT MY HUBBY, PARENTS, AUNT, AND 2 FRIENDS WHO LIVE FAR FAR AWAY. IVE GROWN UP HERE BUT I FEEL AS IF IM A NEWCOMER. I DONT KNOW ANYBODY. AND IF/WHEN PEOPLE REACH OUT I GET SCARED OR MY GUT TELLS ME SOMETHING IS OFF ABOUT THEM..THAT THEY ONLY WANT SOMETHING FROM ME. IM SO TIRED OF FEELING SO ALONE, BUT I CANT REACH OUT TO PEOPLE. AND I KNOW WITH THIS DEPRESSION, I AM NO FUN TO BE AROUND...THATS WHY PEOPLE DONT GRAVITATE TOWARDS ME...WHO WOULD WANT TO? AND MY PARENTS HAVE MEDICAL ISSUES SO THEY CANNOT REALLY GO OUT LIKE A 30 YEAR OLD COULD. ITS BEEN THIS WAY FOR YEARS...I HAVE TROUBLE CONNECTING FOR THE LONG TERM BECAUSE WHEN A WAVE OF DEPRESSION COMES OVER ME, THATS IT, IM OUT OF THE GAME FOR A WHILE AND PEOPLE LOSE INTEREST. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? WHY DID I HAVE TO LOOK ON THERE? I KNOW IT CAN UPSET ME. ESPECIALLY NOW WHEN IM FEELING BLUE. I HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE EXCEPT WITH MY HUSBAND AND IM SURE IT BOTHERS HIM TOO. HE PROBABLY WANTS TO GO SEE FRIENDS WITHOUT ME, BUT FEELS GUILTED INTO BRINGING ME BECAUSE I HAVE NO ONE. I HATE MYSELF!! I HATE MYSELF!! WHY CANT I JUST BE NORMAL? OR SEMI NORMAL WOULD BE NICE. I KEEP THINKING IF I MOVED AWEAY FROM HERE THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT, A NEW START. BUT WHO KNOWS AND IT SEEMS LIKE SUCH A FAR AWAY OPTION AT THIS POINT.MY HUSBAND MOVED HERE 40 MILES FROM WHERE HE WAS AND BECAUSE OF A COUPLE JOBS HE ALREADY HAS MORE FRIENDS THAN I DO. I FEEEL SOOOOOO LONELY.I WISH I DIDNT MESS SO MANY FRIENDSHIPS UP IN THE PAST. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT I HAD.I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME...BUT THE THING IS I HAD PICKED SOME REALLY LOUSY FRIENDS BACK THEN..OHHHHH!!!! I HATE MY LIFE!! I HATE MY LIFE!!! ITS BEEN SUGGESTED TO TAKE A CLASS OR SOMETHING, BUT IM SCARED OF PEOPLE BY NOW. I DONT TRUST PEOPLE DOWN HERE. "BAD" PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO ME IT SEEMS. I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE!! THE ONLY GOOD THING IS MY HUSBAND AND I FEEL BAD FOR HIM. THIS ISNT NORMAL. HE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT SOMEONE WHO HAS FRIENDS SO HE CAN DO HIS SOCIALIZING AND SHE CAN DO HERS...LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!! I HATE MY FREAKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!1

THANKS FOR READING.

Post edited by: Mishy, at: 06/15/2012 09:19 AM

Dont go by facebook..People make their lives look perfect on there theya re not, trust me.

Are you going to therapy? You reallya re being to hard on yourself. My lifehas changed drastically since I was diagnosed Bi-polar. Then the anxiety came. Now im not even working anymore im on SS. But I am fighting back. You have to try and fight it as much as you can. I mean meds help of course, but working out and eating healthy has its benefits to. I know this sounds lame But tis true. I only have two freinds and my mom and my husband. My brother is an major alcoholic so Ive bascially lost him. My dad died I dont have him anymore. You have to make the bes with what you have..Im feeling the same way trust me, but Im not gona sit here and say I hate myself? What good id that doing for you?

I swear this freaking keyboard sucks..unless I justcant type anymore LOL

Thanks for the reply. I never found therapy to be helpful, if anything it opened cans of worms for me. That is why I came on here because last time it helped a little. I didn't make any lasting friendships, but at least the people on here got me through it at the time. I felt and still feel like people on here care more than a therapist. Therapists are taught not to take a true personal caring interest. I know, I have taken courses to be a counselor. They want you to remain unaffected, yet empathetic. Whatever that means. It wasn't for me, Im not thick skinned enough and take everyone/thing to heart.

Thanks again.

I'm glad you could get your feelings out here.

I'm sure we're not the same as the friends that you are longing for but we are here.

You can talk to us.

I can relate on how you feel that your hubby is the only one you can be around. I feel like that with my fiance, he is my "safe" place, I can be me 100% and he loves me. That is great to have, but we all need some safe social options I believe. Maybe start slow, do you work? or go to church? those are great ways to get out and meet people. Go to a zumba class or something lIke that at a community center, it is enexpensive, fun working out totally helps with anxiety for me, and you may meet someone to get to know. I know it is all easier said than done sometimes, and sometimes I force my self to leave the house, gritting my teeth the whole time with my mind swimming in fear, most times I can push through it with breathing and distarction (I color to distract myself) sometimes I can not, but that does not mean I failed. As far as Facebook, it is a place where a whole lot of what you see is not so picture perfect. People are only going to put the fun stuff, not the bad or challenging things. It makes me feel broke, lol all these people on fabulous trips and outings, Heck I am lucky if I can afford the beach for the day and I only live and hour and half away. So I try not to pay attention to all that. Please do not hate yourself...you can always talk to us, that is why I come here. Makes me feel lots better.

Let me ask you this: what would you say if one of your two close friends, or your husband, came and told you that they hated themselves, that they felt worthless. Would you just say "Well, I guess you'd know. You must be right". I doubt it. My point is, those of us with depression almost always judge ourselves infinitely more harshly than we judge others. One thing I've found that helps a bit recently when I feel empty, worthless, is asking myself what I would say to a friend who said to me those negative thoughts I was having. It helps me realise when I'm being irrational about thses sorts of things. I hope it can help you a bit too.